July 22nd, 2009
Today I saw what looked like a homemade burrito in the fridge. It reminded me of the burrito lady that used to sell egg and potato burritos door to door on the rez. She would just walk around the corporate offices and ask if anyone wanted one. Of course, EVERYONE wanted one and so the burrito lady is now famous. She also only charged about 2 dollars for a burrito that had about 3 eggs, 2 whote potatos and a fluffy tortilla. That price can't be beat.
That made me think of things I miss from the rez and basically took for granted while I lived there. The things I took for granted: - Burrito Lady
- Jicarilla Tacos/grilled cheese smothered in red/green chili. I don't know of anyplace in the COUNTRY that sells these.
- Being able to walk to the post office.
_ Walking to the Grocery store for a 15 minute break.
- Wiffleball was a given. I thought it would never go away.
- Fry Bread
- Frito Pies
- the fact that my corporate office used to be a motel room.
- I worked with all my friends. (who rarely came into the office, but I did the timesheets, so they were paid anyway)
- about a week off for Little Beaver
- about 4 days off for Go-Jii-Ya
- Feasts in the summertime
The things I DID NOT take for granted: - Traffic (I could literally get from my house to work in under 3 minutes)
- Jemez Enchiladas (again, there is no place in the country that makes these)
- Rare cases of extreme weather. We had big snow days and hot days, but they rarely lasted more than a week.
One of these days I'll write a "things I take for granted while living in the city". But that's not today.
May 5th, 2009
Short story time:
One day I'm watching sesame street with my son. In this episode of Elmo's World, they're talking about fruits. More specifically, bananas.
At one point, they have little kids show his pet fish (dorothy?) how to peel a banana. Or how THEY would peel a banana. About halfway through the second kid going "this is how I peel a banana Dorothy...", my son turns to me and asks, "Daddy, why are they showing a fish how to peel a banana?".
I really had no answer. Fish don't eat bananas, they don't have banana flavored fish food and even if they DID eat bananas, they don't have hands to peel one. Why ARE they showing that fish how to peel a banana?
Great, my son is already smarter than me...er.. I.. umm.. godammit.
mar 30th, 2009
House progress update.
We're still NOT living back at home yet. The roof has been re-done(again). Our insurance company dropped us. That's Shelter insurance in case you're wondering. We used them for the fire damage and they immediately cancelled our insurance. To make things worse, they didn't give us much time and confused pretty much everyone. We've had 2 claims in the past year. Which is true. What is bullshit however is the first claim I didn't even WANT.
I remember submitting a question on the web-form. They called and sent someone out. I told the guy who came out that it wasn't a big deal, I just wanted to know if it was WORTH a claim because it was just a small patch of shingles. He INSISTED that we get a brand new roof. When I say INSISTED, I meant I tried to talk him out of it. I told him I could probably do it and we know other people who could do it. He said it MUST BE DONE. It was imperative that the ENTIRE roof be replaced because of this 3x5 ft patch of missing shingles.
Basically I was strong-armed into a claim and when I had an actual claim, I was told we had too many claims and therefore cancelled. I HEAR that it's industry standard with insurance companies that as soon as you have a fire, you are DROPPED. Basically, industry standard is another load of horseshit. I'll have to save the 'industry standard' complaining for another post. This is basically just a quicky update.
Upstairs. WE HAVE A WALL!
We don't have walls.
February 12th, 2009
Some interesting links for you today. Sesame Street - Some interesting facts about Sesame Street characters
Valentines Day - If Valentines day cards told the truth (via cracked)
Things that make me laugh - No matter what I'm doing. This is from Venture Bros.
#21: You can silence me but there will be others. Semper Fidelis Tyrannosaurus! Dr. Killinger: It's Sic Semper Tyrannis. You said, "Ever faithful terrible lizard."
#21: I did? Cool.
Also, from Rocky 5:
When the family's christmas celebration begins, Rocky goes through the rehearsed Santa Claus (Paulie in a Santa suit) routine, and he says something like "I just heard it like, hoof steps and... rantlers..." He was trying to say "antlers" and "raindeer", but remember, he's supposed to be pretty punchy in V
February 6th, 2009
So umm.. House Fire. You read that right. My house burned. First things first.
Are you OK?
Yes, we were out watching ELMO LIVE. Now Elmo will forever remind me fire.
Did your house burn down ?
No, just a large corner of it. It seems to have started in the corner of the deck and managed to cook itself through the walls.
Do you Need anything?
Not really. I could use a DVD player and some coax cables, but really, we're ok. As far as being prepared for an emergency, we're doing just fine.
here's the pics.
January 12th, 2009
This weekend I was in Arkansas. Yeah, I know. ARKANSAS! Went to this place called Umm.. I can't think of it. Eureka Springs? It's an odd little place. I didn't see much of it as I was celebrating my anniversary. Also, i's not a winter place. About 80% of the whole damn place was closed. But I have to admit that it was unique.
I've been in small towns and historic downtowns, but this was the first I've ever seen like this. It was basically in a valley carved out of rock. It's hard to explain how close the shops were to the streets. I almost felt like I had to walk single file down the sidewalk in order to avoid being run over by passing cars. (there weren't any passing cars, we were pretty much the only people on the road. and it's hard to run over pedestrians when there aren't any.) Though, I did manage to run over a cigar store indian and a wooden bear.
See the bear? he's all "dont hit me, I'm real!"..heh, dumb wooden bear.
The room we stayed in was one of the few places I've ever been where I didn't feel any need to leave the room. It was like a small apartment. I didn't feel trapped in a hotel room. I forgot I was in a rented room. There were squirrels and birds out the window trying to eat from the feeder. There was a kitchen and a hot tub. Also my perfect wife was there, so that made it easy to stay because of you know, the 'not gay' thing that I happen to be.
Would I recommend it? Probably. I'd suggest the place as long as there's no snow, the drive can be a bit windy. I don't mean it's blowing and gusty, I mean, HARD LEFT! Hard RIGHT! Holy shit I'm gonna die! And also, maybe if it doesn't get too crazy during the 'busy season'. Though this was my first trip to Arkansas, so what do I know? That could've very well been the busy season. I saw 8 people. (and 17 squirrels).
January 8th, 2009
One year ago today.
The best decision I've made.
Still can't believe she went for it/me.
December 11th, 2008
yay it's X-mas time. Ok, so that was a pretty weak yay. It's hard to stay excited about xmas when you get older. My kids and wife are the best reason to be excited for xmas. Other than hoping my kids will have a great time, I've never been much of a holiday person. Every year Jesus has to share his birthday and gets hosed. It has to suck to have xmas and your bday the same time. Just think how many cheap relatives got away with THAT one.
My wife asked me what I wanted this year, I really couldn't think of ANYTHING. I have my list of video games and stuff, but I don't have time to play with the things I have. My best gift would be a watch that stops time. Just give me an hour to play ball or play spore, or sleep later or.. other stuff that I don't have the time to do.
November 24th, 2008
I'm thinking of having an authentic thanksgiving dinner this year. I'll invite my friends over. Give them food, show them how to cook it and survive the winter. Then they'll take over my house, kick me out and make me and my family live in the crappiest part of the yard.
That part where nothing grows and doesn't grow anything but weeds and rocks.
Ahh.. history. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
October 24th, 2008
The other night (ok a while ago) We were watching Wall-E. It like the movie by the way. Another great job by Pixar. And at the end when Wall-E seems to have lost the part that makes him, well. him. It was one of the saddest moments in the film. I was pulled back to another movie. Coincidence? Or just my brain making random connections again.
April, 26th, 2007 Movie Review from Ronin Dodge:
Elmo in Grouchland:
Most people would pass off this movie as a fluff release from henson studios, but they'd be missing the grand picture. The movie tests our innate fears of security and friendship set against the harsh reality of the stench of human existence. The movie stars our favorite red protaganist and a host of other out-of-work actors. Namely, Vanessa Williams and Mandy (you killed mah father, prepare to die) Patankin.
Elmo starts as his usual prozac addicted-self while the story delves into an all too real imagination of elmo's best friend, his blanket. The blanket takes on a life of it's own as they share a dance number together. Oddly enough, this is one of the few times the blanket has it's own 'life-force', if you will. Reminds me of the REALLY old comics called Calvin and Hobbes (hey, I'm not even 2 yet remember?). The blanket doesn't seem to move for anyone but Elmo. Makes me wonder if there's some mental instability there, schizophrenia perhaps? (hey you try and spell that word when you're 1.5). The director may have been trying to get us to have empathy for the blanket and not just elmo. Possibly a light into our own insecurities as a nation? (we've been at war since before I was born, I've got to call em like I see 'em)
After a stomp-like musical number in the laundromat, Elmo and Zoe have a little spat which causes Elmo to lose his cool and say not so nice things to Zoe. Obviously his second best friend as his best friend is an inaminate piece of cotton fiber. This scene is actually replayed in Elmo's mind later in the movie. Proving that our evils are hoisted upon our conscious and it becomes our actions to bear witness to. This brings me around to our own little country, which has some villianous moments as well. Dick Cheney is scarier than that crazy looking santa or the Bunny that never stops smiling... creepy... especially if you happen to still be in diapers.
This is followed by a chase scene and a VERY violent crash involving a flying Grover and Big Bird standing around being no use to anyone. I've never liked that useless bird. Though he is used as a plot device to keep the story moving along. I do blame him a bit for Elmo ending up in grouchland. If Elmo had waited about 30 seconds the movie would have ended quite suddenly. However, against the advice of the group, he jumps into Oscar's can (hee hee) and gets pulled into grouchland.
Part 2 coming soon:
April, 18th, 2007 My parents came up to visit us recently.. why do you care? You don't. I mention it because they didn't come to see "us". They came to see "them". Them being the grandkids. Whenever my dad is up I quiz him about saying certain things apache. He reminded me how to say certain things like, "he doesn't listen" or "there's no way that's gonna fit in there".
But the funniest thing I asked him was how to say something like "good night". I already knew there is no way to say good-bye in apache. So I wasn't sure this one existed. He said, "well, you don't really say 'g'nite' as much as you just say... OK then".
*blink*
ok then.
April, 5th, 2007 Her: "aww.. prison is just like summer camp"
me: "yeah, except for the Rape"
Her: "Didn't they have rape at your summer camp?"
Me: "Of course not! .............. Well, unless it was church camp, then it's just expected"
March, 27th, 2007 Has to be the funniest thing I've seen since that time chuck e cheese got drunk and kicked kids in the nuts.
For the record, he was awake when he started driving. I guess he just needed a little cruise.
(2)(20)(7) This being the cathartic release of a website that this is, I really appreciate it when someone tells me something cracked them up while reading it. There are a lot of good writers out there and I'm honored to be compared to some of them. Though, I realize, most of the stuff I type is repeated crap. We all need to be more original in this life and possibly the next.
There are 2 things I need to complain about today.
The first was mentioned by my friend Bux. He has 4 kids. They constantly celebrate some mediocre milestone. I remember having a kindergarten graduation, and a high school graduation. It seems as though schools have take the Billy Madison route and decided to get drunk every single year for every single grade. I tell you, those 1st graders can't handle their tequila for shit.
Don't get me wrong, I think kids need encouragement, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Are we going to start celebrating every 9 weeks? Or maybe once a month there will be a school play about how last month was so hard, which will of course, will take a month to prepare for. I'm sure ya'll are thinking it's just dumb, but can you imagine what our parents or grandparents would've said if someone suggesting we have a graduation for 3rd, 4th and 5th graders?
He told me that a girl he knew, who was home-schooled, had a graduation party. I'm actually curious as to what happened there. My HS graduation was full of alcohol and drunk drivers out at the river throwing bottles at each other. What happens if you're homeschooled? Does your mom/teacher take you Denny's? What about that cute boy who's always coming b..my brother? Shit. What about that other gu.. cousin? wtf?
My other fun complaint?
Anna/Britney, no actually, I don't complain about them. The media coverage is over the top, but when else do you get a story of millionaire's losing their damn minds and having a photo to chronicle the demise? I understand there really ARE more pressing issues like the war and o'reilly's sandy vagina, but the downward spiral is a spectacle. It's like watching clowns getting shot out of a cannon. And I have to tell you, if they hit a wall before they hit the ground, the crowd WILL cheer.
We didn't force the clowns to put on makeup and shave their heads. Besides, everyone likes to see a rich spoiled brat get knocked into the gutter and peed on sometimes. Thats the beauty of not being rich and talentless. I'm poor and talentless, so it all sorta makes sense on my end.
What will never make sense to me, is the air of entitlement these 'famous' people get after making a few million. However, If they had earned the money and fame by right of their hard work, dedication and talent, then.. fine. But for the most part, these morons happened to be in the right place at the right time with the right marketing team. It's pretty close to a lottery win. Someone warm up the cannons.
(2)(12)(7) One update a month would lead to pretty shitty site. If this got that crappy I would honestly just shut it down.
That means I have to step up this updating and stop with the crap I normally put up here. I need more relevant stuff. I need more political stuff, I need to stop talking about myself so much. It's hard because I'm so awesome. But I'll try.
There's a great article here. It mentions how our brilliant minds that wrote the constitution relied on an "educated citizenry, said the Founders, but the majority view that Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11 proves how effective a bulwark our educational system is,". This pretty much hits the nail in the proverbial groin. The people in charge of running our country realized a long time ago that they could basically do anything and people will believe it. No matter the actual truth.
I've also come to more realizations that I'm old. Whenever I hear a song and immediately think "that sounds like....". Then I realized that bands nowadays are actually TRYING to bring back that 80's synth sound. Of course I think, why the fuck would anyone want to do that? It's not like the 80's had some great music with the pop synth crap of wham!. George Michael was NOT wearing his "choose Life" shirt as an answer to the abortion debate. Yes Ryan, I know you want to believe in his ability to make social statements while saying things like "wake me up before you go-go". But it's just not in the cards.
This page loses time to (as does everything else) to being a good dad. How does one know if he's being a good dad? Well, I don't. All I can do is put a roof over their head, food in their stomach and keep them in school. After that it's all beatdowns and sack races in the snapmouse household. You know, just trying to add normalcy to our lives, ya know? It's hard when you're an international spy/jet pilot and nobody knows which side you're truly on. But I know.. I know.
(1)(9)(7) I had a thought the other day. Well, I have a lot of thoughts but only about 5% make it to this page. I remembered this one.
Scientists have discovered that the reason men have nipples is because when the body is still forming in the womb, the determination for male and female hasn't been er... picked, yet. So the fetus is given nipples just in case. Sort of like packing extra socks. I was wondering, why did Jesus have nipples? Was god not sure if he was gonna go with a boy or girl for the 'son of god'. Was he/she going to be the 'daughter of god'? Was it a last minute decision? And don't give me any of that 'made in his image' crap because god has no use for nipples. Or does he?
You can say that if he didn't have nipples then people would think he was some freak or oddity. I guess walking on water or turning water into beer wasn't odd enough for you? If he was truly going to be the son of god and wanted people to take him seriously as having awesome super powers. , all he would have to do is flash his nipple-less chest and tell them, 'take that you half girl!'. And people would know he was the badass son of creation. No nipples. That's all it would take. You can go back to your regular scheduled programming.
(1)(3)(7) Happy birthday DAD! Father, papa. The man who taught me that honor was the most important thing a man can have. Now that I'm a dad I appreciate more of the things he did for me. The times he played football with me outside or the times he just rolled around playing on his knees in the living room. I always thought that was just something that was normal, I know now that he is a great man, and a great dad. If you were to ask my dad how old he is right now, he's say 35. Which means He was 2 when I was born.
When were in the store on the rez and needed him, we would yell "dad!". He would then correct us and say "uncle!". Apparently he didn't want to be blamed for something we would inexplicably do. I also remember when one of us would ask or say something retarded he would look dead into the person he was talking to's face and say "neighbor's kid". Then shrug. He raised 5 of his own kids and 2 more after that. He's handled more than I can ever hope to. He is my hero. I hope he has a good birthday.
11.0 1.6 20.06 THere's a turkey day coming up. I actually like thanksgiving. Not because of the holiday it seems to represent, (colonists coming to the americas and sharing food with the natives, pshh.. yeah) but because I get a couple days off work and I basically just eat and watch sports. You can celebrate almost anything and equate it to food and sports and I'll be happy to celebrate it. Hell, my tribe takes off columbus day. COLUMBUS DAY! I don't even get that day off and ON MY RESERVATION they get the paid vacation day. Am I the only one who sees the problem with this?
10.0 2.5 20.06 When the hell did this happen? The other night I'm trying to explain to my 6yr old what "cool" is. I don't mean cool as in hip and trendy, I mean like fonzie cool. Who's always calm and collected, in a way that she would know. The fonzie reference is almost beyond my age group. So she would have no idea. I sat there and tried to think of all the characters she knows and likes. Raven, Drake and Josh, Cody and Milo... err.. ok, I don't know all those characters on the disney channel. But it sure as shit wouldn't be any of those people. They're spazzed-out-over- reacting-for-the-sake-of-the-show-beyond-normal-reason characters.
Who the hell is cool? I don't mind being out of the loop on current fashion trends and even music. But, isn't there one 'always in control' character somewhere on the market? Could I use Hermoine from harry potter? This is even more proof that I'm getting old. no.. scratch that. More proof that I'm already OLD. It didn't sneak up on me though. I'm an indian, you can't sneak up on an indian. This indian is old. I don't have white hair, but when I do get it, I'm growing it long and convincing people that I'm cool.
What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. If you have any idea what character would have it all together, I'd like to speak to you. Maybe they're trying to teach kids that it's okay to freak out sometimes and act like you require a ritalin inhaler, but, where's my fonzie? What 6 year old knows how to be 'cool' and 'relaxed'. Where's the cool role models? somebody bring back fonzie!
10.0 1.9 20.06 More things from Snapmouse
A radio ad recently stated you can win a "chauffeured limo ride". Since when did you win a limo WITHOUT a chauffeur? Are you supposed to get one yourself? Or perhaps drive the limo on your own and pretend you're having a good time in the back. Wouldn't just stating you'll win a limo ride be enough to assume the chauffeur is included? Why am I the only one complaining about this?
There's a TV ad with 2 guys running against a marathon in fish suits. It wasn't for a few seconds that I realized they were salmon who were 'running upstream'. I would've loved to be in on that conversation.
guy 1: "dude, let's put on fish suits"
guy 2: "you mean, like sharks?"
guy 1: "no, I mean, like fish, salmon, you know?"
guy 2: "that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why would I want to dress up as a salmon"
guy 1: "then we can run the opposite direction of the people in the marathon and we'll be *pause* running upstream".
guy 2: "..... you sir, are a genius"
The radio ad for On the Border mexican Cantina is horrible enough to give me cancer. Wait, a sec, i mean, canteeeeeeeena. The commentators (kristeeena and who-won) can speak perfect english until it comes to a spanish word or even a spanish SOUNDING word. It makes my ears want to kill the fake accent users with their own vocal chords. I have no idea why on the border feels the need to use fake mexicans to sell food. I'm willing to be the people making the food in this franchise (yes, it is) are not mexican and don't speak spanish or WITH accents. Why the fake annoying sell? It just leads to people getting swung around the room by their tongues. And although pretty funny, it's just not worth the battery charges.
The last random thought for today.
Why are they still putting car alarms on cars? Does anyone ever even turn and look anymore when a car alarm goes off? They need to invent something more potent. Like a car alarm vasectomy kit. Too violent? You people are weak. Maybe a car alarm mace spray. Tazer? Something that leaves the would be theif twitching and soaking in his own vomit til you show up to kick him in the crotch a few (hundred) times ... and maybe call the cops. Maybe. After you pee on him.
10.0 1.3 .06 (from the cubicle of Ronin Dodge) Man, that was a hell of a week. Where am I? What day is it? Did you know they tried to kill me with a sugar overdose? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but it's a good thing child services doesn't do a random sugar level testing on 1 yr olds.
Now that I'm one, I'd like to remind everyone (ahem:parental units) that I'll be graduating from High School soon so I'll need a college fund for my car and beachfront apartment. If I'm anything like dad, you may have less than 17 years. Get on it slackers. (my sister would like me to mention it's only about 12 years for her).
The party was a success. Everyone said how cute I am (naturally) how smart I am (duh) and how I was able to ride down the steps without getting hurt. I tried to tell them it's because I'm awesome. They were all worried while they ran down the after me. I attempted to do a victory dance but I was snatched up off the ground because everyone thought I was 'hurt' or something. pshh.. like that would hurt me.
I've also got words of wisdom now that I've gained all these years of experience. (hey, when did you ever learn to hold your head up, crawl, walk and talk all the same year... thought so.). I know people still learning to speak a second language. What a bunch of dorks. I have learned much in my year on the big blue.
: even though play doh looks and smells yummy, it's really weird tasting.
: crying about something, usually works. (also following them around and looking like a sad quack-quack always works).
: baths are 100times greater with bubbles. why anyone would take a bath without bubbles is beyond me.
: I truly believe if I put my hands behind me and lean forward, then I will run faster.
: Doctor people who give shots are evil and must be hunted and killed with a thousand needles
: Going to the doctor every three months is like a bad prison sentence.
9.0 2.8 .06 One year ago today I was sitting in a hospital room.
Waiting for the lady who helps babies show up. They weren't sure how long it was gonna take. I had been awake since 5:30am. I needed a nap. My girl was watching the cosby show with me while we waited. Neither of us had eaten.
I wanted to sleep. I don't remember sleeping. She says I did.. and snored. It doesn't seem like it's been a year. maybe about.. 4 months. But not a whole year. a year ago, we had this little guy.
he couldn't talk, walk or say the alphabet backwards. all he could do was blink and poop. And he wasn't that good at blinking. We spent the next 2 and half days trying to decide what to name him. We even took to writing our two names really big on the back of a Tim's Pizza box and judging how they would look written down. We asked everyone. I mean EVERYONE. There were phone calls made and political lines were drawn. I think someone cried. (it didn't work for me by the way). Alas we met Ronin.
One year later. we have.
and now he can walk, sorta talk and says the alphabet. (if you count mommamamamamamamamamamamamama as a representation of the letters he's trying to say). He loves books and walking around outside. Basically, anything that has to with anything that's outside. Also steps.. and dogs.
if you haven't figured it out yet. Today is birthday number One. He probably won't remember it and I'm sure he has no idea why people will be making him eat cake tonight. He also won't care. Why? Because he has cake. duh.
His nickname has evolved. He was called Ronin for about the first 2 weeks home. Then it became Ro. He has since been called "Buster" by me because I thought it was funny. "poopersmith" for obvious reasons, and when he was about 3 months old, we found out he liked music because he danced. So he became "boogie". And he really does. Boogie that is. So now you can call him, Ro, Ro-ro, boogie, or boog.
My birthday was also a few days ago, and I thought it was going to be impossible to top last year, but this year.. perfection. If I told ya'll how good my birthday was, you would petition to turn it into a national holiday. There's no way she can do it again next year. So here's to a quick year. I'm sure the next one will fly be even faster.
So five years ago. blah, blah, you want some nice commentary and empty words from that moron we voted in, look it up. Personally I prefer Kieth Olbermann blasting the current regime for not doing something as simple as a memorial in the five years since the towers fell upon themselves. Let alone catch the guy who did it. Kill thousands of innocent soldiers and still have nothing to show for it, well, you go ahead and say bush is 'doing a good job'. Talk about how he's protecting us and has been doing a good job now that you can't bring nail clippers and bottles of water onto airplanes. Even though it's been PROVEN that it wasn't very hard to sneak ACTUAL explosives onto a plane. Tell me how the illegal wiretapping managed to catch and foil all the plans without the political 'we're so great' spin on it. I'm sick of that shit.
On to more interesting things. Like things I have brilliantly thought up in my head. Or stole from other people.
If you're in the fast lane and there are lots of cars behind you, you're not going fast. I don't care how loud your stereo, what song is on the radio or the metallica sticker on our window. Please for the love of bob, move.
If you see a ball of light coming up in your rearview mirror, that's me. Move.
Yes, I know I'm speeding. Yes I know it's dangerous (according to the government and you can always believe them right?), and yes, I don't care what you think of my doing 75 on the freeway. I'm such a rebel... I guess.
Some people don't know how to do certain things I do. People can do things I have no idea how to do. However, If they say, try this, I'll try it. If I say "here, put this cd into your computer and follow the directions", I'm not asking you to do a highly technical network job. I'm asking you to read (in english) the screens and do what it says. Please don't argue with me before you even ATEMPT this or I may just have to unscrew your head from your neck and wear your head around like hat for the rest of the day.
Never ever buy pringles from a gas station. They've been shaken and dropped so many times, you're not really buying chips, as your buying the bottom of a bag of chips.
When your co-worker asks, "are you at your desk?", nothing good ever happens next.
I would like to suggest a new standard procedure for getting help from my IT Dept.
1. Send message / e-mail
2. (if no reply to #1) Call extension, explain problem. ('it's not working', is not a viable explanation of your problem and I may bang the phone against the wall before hanging up on you and writing your name on my 'people to kill' list)
3. never under any circumstances should you come into my office and stand behind me and wait for me to fix your problem. If you're standing behind me and waiting for me to fix your problem, you should be on fire, or ... no, that's all acceptable reasons for doing such a thing. If you're not on fire and you want me to drop everything I'm doing til you leave my office, your problem just became the least important thing to me. Your problem is no less important than picking up that leaf in my yard. Sure I can move it, but the wind will probably blow it away. That's how important your problem is to me.
Just for good measure, let's all follow George Carlins rules as well:
George Carlin's new rules for 2006
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket: water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his butt will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, haf-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your butt. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place
9.0 0.1 .06 (from the desk of Ronin Dodge) The days are getting closer to my birthday. Apparently my dad's day is coming up but I can't count that high and he's too old to want a new bike or pony, or, whatever they rode back then.. covered wagons maybe?
He told me what he wanted for his birthday. Mom says he's hard to shop for. I don't know what to get people too old to enjoy anything. Here's what he told me. Logitech® MX™1000 Laser Cordless Mouse (why he wants a little squeeky animal when he's already got me is beyond my 11 month reasoning.. apparently)
A Man Can Plan - book - OK, he might actually need this one. The big doof knows how to make cereal and burn water. I'm getting tired of him feeding me crackers and pudding like I'm some damn parakeet.
8.0 1.6 .06 The funniest and warm fuzzy thing I've read today. From Jim: (hope he doesn't mind me posting this)
you were missed at little beavers
i had to sit and make sarcastic remarks by myself
i'm pretty funny
Not the missed at little beavers part, the part where he mentions how funny he is. I miss hanging out with Jim. He's funnier than I am and if I could only record our conversations we could make a show about nothing.
Being a new dad I'm constantly trying to figure out new things to feed my kids when I finally make it home at 6pm. It's gotta be quick because they'll probably starve and keep me up all night if I feed them too late. We can't always rely on pizza bites and mini corn dogs. Lord knows they were perfect when I was in college but apparently children need more vitamins and ministers.. or something. I don't know the doctor had a booger hanging out and I found it hard to concentrate on what she was saying.
So I go to a few recipe sites and try to find something that our picky 6 yr old will eat and also something healthy enough for our smaller one. It's tough to find something that's a) easy b)fast and c)doesn't look like someone retched a macaroni/corn experiment.
The ones I find that look good enough to eat, have strange instructions. Not that any of it is difficult, I mean strange that it states "10 minute meals" and when you read the directions, they didn't include thawing or cooking the meat/chicken/soylent green. Apparently these people have their food already 'browned' for them before they start cooking. Like there's a team of mexican ladies right outside the window waiting to throw you the ingredients already chopped and diced like some crazy immigrant assembly line. They also seem to have ingredients I've no understanding of the use. Things like paprika and .. salt. Who the hell has 42 different types of herbs and spices? I think for a while we had sage growing in our backyard. It's supposed to be good for eating. When I was on the rez, we had SAGEBRUSH which was good for..... wait for it... helping your feet smell less like old cheese and more like well, a plant.
So after weeding out the idiotic, 'easy to make if you have a restaurant style kitchen', recipes. I'm left with things like carbonera, which is noodles, bacon, peas.... . hmm. looks like you cook the noodles, easy, fry up bacon, no problem, warm up peas, place on top of spaghetti noodles and bacon. Give fancy name like carbonera. ohhh..kaaaaay. This isn't going to fool anyone. Not even our 10 month old who likes to suck on shoelaces would be fooled by peas on spaghetti. His first words would be "what kinda lazy shit-meal is this?".
So I'm stuck back at square one. What to feed the kids that will make them strong healthy mcdonald eating americans. It seems the native american diet of fry bread and government cheese leads to a lot of early deaths. It could be the 3 cups of sugar we make with our kool-aid or the government cheese that doesn't melt in any microwave made on this planet. For some reason, the cheese also "sweats". I'm not sure I want to eat something that feels the need to cool itself off.
Since I don't want my children to have the same atrocious eating habits I do, I've been making an attempt at healthier lifestyle. Before burger kings and that stuff they call meat at taco bell. Don't get me wrong. We're still making Sonic runs and ordering pizza hut because I happen to be lazy, I just can't make it a habit for my kids' sake. I just find it difficult to find an easy answer. There have been recipe books around since my dad discovered fire. But nobody has gotten a handle on this quick healthy meal thing for working parents.
Website upon website are full of uselss tidbit of information. Brilliant ideas from parents to get kids to eat by saying "we ask them to take one bite... and it usually works", either they have dumbass kids or we have a pair of evil geniuses in the making. As much as I like to think my kids are brilliant (he still pulls the hat off his head then squints when the sun hits his eyes, he can't be THAT smart), asking them 100 times to try a bite and then pretending they hate it, is not beyond any child's reach of oscar worthy scenes. I especially like the, I'm about to puke so I should run to the bathroom, trick. It takes a lot of commitment to the craft.
So to you moronic website contributors.. I don't wish any real harm to you, I just want you to be attacked by gorillas used for viagra testing... or was that my plan for Dubya?
8.0 0.3 .06 My sister takes better pictures than me. It's hard for me to admit it. But this year she took some pictures at my softball game and caught this one. It's a great shot.
Then the other day, we went to a Royals game and she started taking a few pictures of players as they were hitting. She managed to get Mark Teahan as he hit his 10th homerun of the season.
I'm officially jealous. I've taken a lot of pictures at baseball games hoping to get the perfect moment or frame the perfect shot, and it's just never QUITE happened
Sure I've taken a number of cool pictures, but I thought these 2
were the perfect example of what I like to capture. The beauty of sport and the split second when games are won and lost. Ok, maybe not that serious, but I love me a good sports moment. If I was any type of decent artist I'd draw moments in sports that show things like this.
Maybe I'm just critical of my own work. Maybe my eyes are broken or my timing is bad. Either way, these are cool pics. Just thought I'd share.
While I'm in the picture posting mood. How about a quick comparison shot. Here's a pic of my son and mouseover to see his dad. (yeah, that's me you smartasses).
7/ 28 /6 post by the Ronin So the old dude is slackin again. I figured when I got older I'd inherit something cool, like a gold watch or a Dinosaur tooth. Not this stupid site. I'll bet I can't even sell it to get me a new monkey. Hold on.... ... .. . . . . nope, not even monkeyworthy.
Lately the old guy and pretty girl have been all excited because I've been using my feet to get from A to B. They seem to think this is some special trick. I don't see it, as everyone I meet can do it. Except for cousin 'itchy'. But she's just a baby, I'll be she still doesn't eat popsicles.
Speaking of popsicles, oh, my. err.. cookie monster. THose things are the greatest things ever. I used to think it was those cookies, oh how wrong I was. Popsicles that melt when you suck on them and then turn into juice is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Granted, everything I see is from under 28 inches, but still, it's like magic sweet nectar of the heavens.
I have yet to discover anything as interesting to eat as dirt and leaves. For some reason someone always yells when I manage to eat some. Don't they know I need to TASTE it in order to understand it? It's still the most entertaining food. The texture is nice as well. I'll have to try to order some next time we go out to eat. Normally when we go out I tell the waiter my order (steak, medium rare, baked potato, extra cheese light sour cream, and a dr. pepper), and the tall dumb guy says something moronic like "chicken strips" or "kid's meal". He's really starting to annoy me.
There is another discovery I've been wanting to tell all you other under 10month olds reading this site. Stairs. The big people always say "nooooo" and shake their head. I have no idea what that means, so I shake my head as well. Must be some primitive form of communication that happens when you get too old and senile. It also worries me a bit when my sister goes away for a few days or a weekend. Did they send her to some training facility? Is she being brainwashed somewhere..or.. oh no.. maybe they made her get a JOB! Holy squishy in my diaper! I'll have to discover this horrible secret sometime. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, stairs. They look cool as hell. When you throw something down them, it makes a lot of noise and you can watch the carnage ensue. I've tried to go down myself and figure out how it all works, but someone always manages to stop me. They tell me No again and again, which I find quite amusing.
The main reason I'm here today is to let all my fans know my birthday is coming up at the end of september. There are plenty of 'educational' toys that are on the market and things the 'expand my mind' but I really just want something to throw down the and tear apart. Paper towels have a never ending enjoyment factor of 10+. I rip one all apart and it leaves a sort of trail of accomplishment. I also find boxes interesting and cold things that go into my mouth would also be a good avenue to pursue. Just thought I'd give you all a heads up. For you under 10 months old. keep your head up and your feet warm. When they try to let you cry, remember, their stamina is relative to how tired they are. So cry away. I'll bet your mom and dad won't last more than 10 minutes after a hard week's work.
6.0 2.3 .06 Most blogs out on the interweb are pretty boring. Mine included. They usually have some story about what they did that day and how they feel about it. Sometimes they talk about their relationships or what their stupid kids are doing, or how lame their parents are. Most of the time it's something cathartic and not egocentric to share your thoughts online knowing nobody will read it. At least, I hope most people who write this stuff knows there are a small amount of people who give a crap. So I try to put my stories in a different perspective. The thing is, what's so different about me? Am I interesting? Well, if you ask the people that know me, they'll say.. 'maybe'. Which is basically.. no, snapmouse, you're not.
So what can I do to actually make people not only WANT to read this, but stay interested long enough to stay? Honestly, who knows. The american public is fickle. There are good writers out there who continually keep me giggling in my chair. (Tucker Max and the guy from WWTDD come to mind). You have to come up with some universal appeal. Talking to a small core of people is nice, but if notariety is your goal, you have to tap into that thing everyone thinks is funny/interesting/topical/controversial/stupifying and fucking tremendous. There are a number of people who make smart compelling arguments and have a delicate touch and sensitivity for both sides of an issue.. those people are boring. What makes the news and gets people talking is the most extreme fucked up shit you can think of. It's like those tasteless jokes books have suddenly come to life.
"I think I'm gonna kill all the jews and a clown"
"why a clown?"
"see, nobody cares about the jews".
That's why there are famous assholes. Because they're good at being assholes. From the guy protesting funerals to Ann Coulters ginormous hands. The problem is I'm not controversial and again, not very interesting. The only thing I have going for me is the that I'm an Apache indian from a tiny town working as a computer geek for a nationwide mortgage company. My life can be interesting.... to me. But it's not that compelling. I don't fight grizzly bears and wrestle facemask wearing mexicans. Though I'm trying to figure out how to squeeze those activities into my lunch break. This site would go from blah, to blahwsome.
I'm sure you'd come come back on a daily basis if I described my latest battle with el flatuloso down on the corner of westport and broadway. How he tried to throw me thru the window at starbucks while yuppie hipsters stared in disbelief while trying to catch the action on the their camera phones. If you watch them long enough trying to take a picture it looks like a bunch of star trek nerds taking readings with their tri-corders. (the guy in the red shirt always dies). After I dispose of the masked wrassler by hitting him (repeatedly) over the head with a patio chair and throwing some poor girl's double thick, half cream half vanilla soy grande latte in his face (whew), I can come back here and post the exciting story.
Alas, my life isn't that noteworthy. There are no masked wrestlers. Nobody answers the challenges I belt out while on the corner and people tend to call the cops when I hit them with a chair. So now what? Well, I can always hope to entertain even when I have a story about that homeless guy who told me the same sob story 2 days in a row. When I almost had to punch some dude at supercuts for not understanding that I'm not mexican. I just hope you're entertained and I can throw my indian (Native American for you PC assholes) views onto this city life I manage to survive. Mostly, I hope you're entertained even on days like today, when there's really a story about well, nothing.
6.0 1.9 .06 Last weeked was my first ever father's day. And let me tell you guys something. It was a fantastic day. I was gonna add a curse word in there, but you all might think I was being sarcastic. No it was really a kick ass day. My girl got Ronin out of bed early (before he started yelling for food) and I managed to sleep for an extra hour. I think I stayed in bed til almost 8:30. It was like getting 3 extra days rest. I got a new sony camcorder and if you know me, it's all about the toys. I love my technical toys. Can't wait to see what it can do. (I've actually got the manual in my pocket right now.. no, I'm not a nerd.. shut up). We went to best buy (yay!) and Barnes and Noble (yay again). Ronin was in a smiley mood and Byrd was playing quietly on the computer. I got my toy and we went out for breakfast, my day could've ended right there and it would've been the greatest Father's day ever. After the shopping we played in the pool with the new camera. Sat outside and nobody cooked, we just sat downstairs, ate some leftover meat from the day before and watched cartoons or something. It didn't matter. I had the best father's day ever.
For the record. Ronin has already made me bleed. I was lying the floor while he crawled up and 'meathooked' my nose upside down. His little nails scraped the inside of my nose and when I turned over, blood started trickling out. So for anyone who has the pool going. The winner is 8 months. The next pool will probably be "when will Ronin hit Billy in the nuts" Or "when will he knock an eyeball out." He's actually getting better and throwing stuff and today was the FIRST DAY I've ever dropped him off at daycare and he cried for us. I guess there's a downside to him learning new stuff. He figured out when we're trying to ditch him. Poor lil fella.
I have another softball game tonight. My knee has been... wait. I'm not saying anything. No Jinxin for me tonight. Just wanted to let you all know how perfect my father's day was.
6.0 1.5 .06
I've told people this story already and figured I should just share with the other 2 readers on my site. (hi mom and dad)..
I'm playing softball again. Yup, you read that right. Snapmouse is back on the diamond. Though, when I'm on the diamond I've been called Big Fee and Crash, but we won't get into those nicknames because well... they make no sense. At least it's better than 'wrinkle'. I'm excited to be back playing again. It's nice to have a ball hit at me and smell the leather from my thong. The problem is.. it's a church league.
That's not the problem in itself. The problem is because the guys running it are kinda.. 'churchy'. It's fine for them, but I don't know what jesus and baseball have to do with each other. IF they were to ask me I'd tell them I believe in the baseball gods and my cathedrals are ballparks. The good news is, nobody's asked me. I don't know what I'd tell them for sure. I'd like to tell them I don't believe in Jesus. I'd like to inform them of my agnosticism. Though, I'm not sure I'm even THAT. I grew up on the rez. I went to catholic school. I do not like organized religion. They are; to quote a talking fish I caught once, 'the opiate of the masses'. Religion isn't a bad thing. Christianity in it's present form isn't terrible. As with most groups, the extreme ones are the ones that ruin it for everyone else. Have I run into any extreme christians in my group? Not at all. Not yet. I'm hoping those people don't play softball.
The christian belief system these people adhere to might even be the reason I'm able to play softball again. Someone woke up one night with Jesus talking to them and said "if you start a league, they will come". They've welcomed me with open arms. If that's what their doctrine holds, then I'm glad they believe in it. My love for baseball is glad they believe in it. If Jesus really DID tell them to play ball, then jesus fucking rocks. They could believe even more and send people over to mow my lawn and paint my house, but you know.. baby steps. The point I'm trying to make is these guys have been pretty cool. Waaay back in the far recesses of my brain, I still hear.
"SNAPMOUSE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN JESUS!". One of these days someone might ask me why I'm giggling when the preacherman is talking and I'll have to say something quick and clever like "Look those dogs are doing it!". And run away real fast.
Will this ever happen? Do I fear my church softball career is in jeapordy? Not really. It just makes me a little nervous when they start talking about jesus and I have to fight the urge to cuss when I miss a play. I always thought "shit" was a pretty minor swear word. I'm positive everyone cusses when they play ball right? Why am I the only one I ever hear yelling shit or JESUS MOTHERFUCK ME IN THE ASS! It's just something all ballplayers do right?
Maybe one day I'll sit down and try to explain my belief system. Maybe one day I'll turn into a bear and start stealing picnic baskets. Neither one will probably happen. THough, if one of them does and I do manage to turn into a bear, I'll definitely share my beliefs.
1. Make friends with smaller bear, rename to boo boo
2. Steal Pic-a-nic baskets
3. Eat food in baskets.
5.0 2.6 .06
This weekend the DaVinci code broke and people went to see it in droves. drones, ... err.. sheep. I baabaa'd my in on friday and actually enjoyed it. Any movie that exposes the basis of christianity as a lie is good in my book. It's more a history lesson wrapped in a conspiracy theory wrapped in Tom Hanks' stupid haircut. It'll probably make it's money back in 2 weeks thus making Tom even richer and me $15 poorer. Tom deserves my money right? He's worked hard all these years. Right? Had to endure paparazzi and other jackals and sell off his privacy for a mere multi-million dollar life.. right? He's talented and err.. well.. he's.. funny.. probably. I don't know, I never met him and he's really good at.. memorizing..lines and stuff. That's gotta take some skill... right? Tom Cruise does it. His movie probably won't make back half of what it cost to make, but still, just because your movie fails doesn't mean you don't deserve the millions you were paid.. right? I mean, if my project at work fails miserably.. I'll still be hired to do the same thing over and over right? I won't make the millions cruise makes, but.. he's got a talent of some sort. He's good at... acting. right? Acting? That's the skillset? The craft? Why he has so much money?
I wonder if I could be good at acting? There are a lot of actors. There aren't that many who make $25mil a picture like Reese Witherspoon. But then, you know, she was in all those great movies like... Well, maybe it's more like the lottery? Hell, anyone has a chance at the lottery don't they? Can I throw my name in the actors hat and take my chances? Or does that require acting SCHOOL? There's a school to LEARN to PRETEND. That doesn't even sound like a real job. It's something you read about in Harry Potter. If I practice being an 'actor' could I get paid millions have my biggest complaint be people taking pictures of me? Still, doesn't seem that hard to walk down the street with people taking pictures of me and asking me what color my poop was. How would I know, I don't look in the toilet when I'm done... mostly. I could always go back to the rez and laugh at paparazzi being arrested for having cameras on indian land. Actors are morons.
So is practice all it takes to become a 'good' actor? I know you can become a pretty good bowler if you practice a lot. Other sports actually take talent AND practice. Without the talent, all the practice in the world won't land you a multi-million dollar contract or a per-episode million. I've actually had the argument once when a girl told me and doc that if we practiced ENOUGH we could be as good as Michael Jordan. Umm.. No you rejected dip stick, there is no WAY practice can replace talent and skill. It's not only limited to basketball. Many sports (and golf, I guess) require some modicum of talent before making the upper echelon of the big money earners. But.. actors? Bowlers? I'm not buying it.
I'm contending anyone can become a great actor or bowler. You can probably interchange the careers and make one more interesting than the other. We only like to read celebrity sites because they have money. I want to know what rich people do with their money. Why? Because I want to have that option. Everyone has thought about what they would do with $50 mill from the lottery. I contend that these so called actor/bowlers hit the lottery and we want to know what they do with the money. I'm sure if they had a show about what lottery winners doing stupid shit with their money it would be JUST as interesting. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I should get back on medication. Maybe you and your blue faries should stop watching me while I sleep. It's creepy. umm.. what?
Let's take into consideration the talent required to be an act..er.. bowl...Bactor? Actler? Bowlact? Actoler? Yeah, Actoler. To be a good actoler you have have
1. a head.
2. at least 3 fingers (to fit in the holes of course) and
C. be breathing.
Now that we've eliminated christopher reeves, let's see. Good looking head? Well, there are some Actolers that aren't very good looking but make lots more money than you do. How does that make you feel there? huh ugly? Your chihuahua face could potentially be worth millions. Don't tell that to clint howard though. He's Ron Howard's brother and even though he's uglier than your prom date, I'm guessing he's not poor either. (I decided against putting a picture of Clint Howard up so as not scare our young readers).
It bothers me sometimes to see people raking in ungodly amounts of money when they're main skill is remembering and talking words someone else wrote for them. I seem to recall I did a good rendition of an avocado in the 3rd grade once. Hell, I was more believable than those highly paid rich actolers. Other than the "talent" of possibly being good looking, I'm not sure why my stellar avocado performance didn't rake in at least HUNDREDS in endorsement deals. And you ask "but Snap, couldn't ANYONE have played the avocado?". And that's when I go back to throwing bowling balls at you. Because of course, there's no better way to make a point than by hurling a large blunt object. Yes, ANYONE could have been the avocado. ANYONE could have filled a lot of movie roles. ANYONE could win the lottery and ANYONE could become a really good bowler. Hell, some 85 year old just bowled a perfect game! How difficult can it be?
Think of some really shitty movies and actors you know. Think... Pauly Shore. Think. BioDome. These guys could've easily been working jobs selling lane oil and handing your shoes to you. They shouldn't be living in a beach house. If you win the lottery, then .. oh wait. It is a lottery isn't it? It's a big actoler lottery. Bowler and Actors meet in LA and see if people like your face enough to put it on the big screen. If you don't win, then you can become a bowler or an avocado. I really would care more if a bear was chasing you so it doesn't matter.
There are a lot of piss poor actors who are living the good life. I'd like to say there are a lot of good actors who deserve all the fame and fortune. But are they good because they're good? Or just because they've been doing it so long that we're convinced they're good. I don't have the answer, but there are also a lot of bowlers who live the good life. Are they REALLy good? Or have they just been playing so long that they're better and we're convinced.....etc..etc. Etc.
They now have commercials at the beginning of DVD's asking you not to 'steal' movies or buy 'pirated' dvd's. It makes me laugh because I wonder who's really getting the shaft here. I don't see Reese having trouble feeding her family or Ashton Kutcher flipping fries. So those ads imploring for the end of pirates is more humorous than persuasive. Even if I was taking money from Johnny Knoxville's pockets.... what's to say his multiple skills won't keep him from ending up in the welfare line? Also can you collect unemployment if you were told you sucked at acting? I mean.. if that is your skillset and job.
I would've finished this earlier but I have a minor case of ADD and it took me a few days to remember why I was so.. hey look a bird!. And here's Ronin who just figured out how to crawl. Have a good weekend. Don't get attacked by armed penguins or lemurs with switchblades. (though it would be an adorable way to die).
5.0 1.9 .06
I wanted to work on this today, but since I'm leaving work early and going on a hot date with a girl WAAAY outta my league, I'll just leave you with this video. I think this video brought breakdancing back into the mainstream. Which is why you sometimes feel like you stepped by into the 80's somedays when you see them damn kids. heh.
Next week I want to compare actors and bowlers. How much do they REALLY have in common?
I just wanted to post the updated photo album. It's kinda long, but it's been a while since I've posted one. Hope you enjoy.
4.0 2.1 .06
If you work on computers at your job and have an IT dept. you should read this. There are some good points he makes about how IT treats their users and why they don't get along. One the biggest things he says that I agree with is: 20% of users cause 80% of the problems. I can't tell you how true this is. There are some people I rarely ever talk to because they manage to fix the problems they come across. Some of them I have to make a point to stop and chat with them otherwise I won't ever see them. Then there's the other ones. The ones that make me groan when I hear their voice. You know what most of them don't realize? I can RECOGNIZE their VOICE. My mom calls up and I have to ask that lady what she's trying to sell me. That is until she says "it's mom". Then I'll hear the first syllabic grunt of a users voice and know immediately my day just went from shit to storm. What does that tell you?
Allow me to pick out some good passages in case you don't feel like reading it all. Work ethic: Nothing pisses me off more than lazy people, especially those who try to use technobabble to hide incompetence.This reveals one of IT peoples' worst behavioral traits. They assume that because users don't understand IT, they must be stupid. It's a fatal flaw
This is one reason that I hate most computer guys. The worst ones were always losers or dorks in high school and now they've gained some sort of false superiority complex because people need them. Just because you happen to know ONE thing better than others does not give you the right to treat them like morons. Even if they are missing the dna to qualify as an ape. Most of those people probably know something YOU don't. You just don't happen to work in the stamp collecting or 'lighting shit on fire' business so you don't require their expertise. Trust me, if you asked their advice on which poop burns brightest, they would probably give you an honest answer instead of being all smarmy about it. So stop being a dick. This is also the reason I hate doctors, lawyers and mechanics. Not that they're all bad, they just use their own "technobabble" to fleece people without the same knowledge.
"I come from a long helpdesk background and am now a senior developer at a mid-sized company. Unlike most of you nerds there's one thing I enjoy more than "being right" and that's "being lazy." That's why I love stupid users. I loved having a job where the biggest problem I faced in a day was telling a user to turn their monitor on. Or turn their caps lock off.
I love being lazy too. Hell, I have something to do right now and I'd rather not.
Sometimes you just have to accept, "It was a problem with the hosts file and it was throwing off sendmail" without probing into sendmail.mc theory. And as far as explaining it in non-techie terms, I can only dumb down SSH tunnels and the TCP/IP protocol so much before I want to jab myself in the eye with a spork.
Yeah. Well, in actuality, I don't know why resetting your motherboard will reseat your Network card and get you back online. All I know is your drivers disappeared and this is the fastest way to make it work again. If you'd like to know why, well, you'll have to come over later for your MCSE training.
"Many supposed IT problems should actually be solved by HR with a good talking to about abuse of company resources and how that might limit your career. Calling IT when you forget your password for the 5th time that month or with some dumb question because you are too lazy to crack open a manual is no better than stealing office supplies or equipment. It's all just stealing resources. 20% of the users create 80% of the work for IT."
I love going to somebody's desk and they ask me why their computer is crashing and I notice they've got weatherbug, weatherstation, desktop calendar and screensaver.com software on their machine. The first thing I do is tell them about all the crap they installed and 95% of the time I get "I never installed anything". *sigH* Look here fuckwit. There ARE some programs that install and hijack without your permission, YOU don't have them. I can tell the goddamn difference. It's what I do for a living. When you clicked "OK" to install the screensaver there was a about 10 pages of legal reference that you just agreed to bend your computer over with. And believe me, these add-on/third party/affiliate company, programs are not gentle like your uncle. They are named Rock and rule the prison yard. They leave your machine curled up and sobbing in the corner. Now it's MY job to give it therapy? Sometimes this shit should be handled by the boss. That's all I'm sayin.
There needs to be an SLA on individual behavior because otherwise, the problems inevitably lead to draconian crackdowns by IT that make the problems even worse. One example: a company wide ban on "non-essential" websites because a few bozos insist on sending sports video files to each other over the e-mail system. Meanwhile, no one can log into their online banking site anymore to make a quick payment at lunchtime--payments that take 30 minutes less than having to drive to the bank branch to do the same thing. The internet is part of our lives now. People start to hate IT when this happens. Users that get out of hand have to be dealt with by their bosses, not by IT.
Yeah this is what it leads to. People wanting to do simple innocuous things now have been banned because of a random rule breaker. This doesn't always happen in computer speak but also with Leave time, sick pay and other freedoms some asshole thought he could exploit the system with. This is one of those things I've bitched about many times when I say people think they're some special snowflake. Just because you have 3 toes and your parents were related doesn't mean you get to fuck up the world for everyone else. There is such a thing as the greater good and watching streaming tv does nothing but hurt your fellow co-workers. If you happen to hate your coworkers, then you should get another job BEFORE ruining everyone else's happy little zuma playing days fuckface. I guess it's a sore point with me. Just a little. I'm working on it. Try not to break your keyboard, I don't feel like carrying another one over to you in the rain.
4.0 1.8 .06 From the desk of Ronin Dodge:
Dad has been too lazy and tired to keep this updated so looks like I'm going to be picking up his slack. I don't know why he's so tired. I'M the one that had a rough nite. Picture this, I'm lying on couch taking a quick little doze and the next thing you know it's cold, dark and there's a damn fish staring at me. What the hell people?!? Can't a guy just take a nap on the couch anymore? My stomach is making noise as well so I may as well call for room service. The big guy with short hair comes in and asks how I'm doing. I try to yell at him for plopping me into this "caged bed" but he just picks me up and carries me into some lighted room.
He shoves a bottle in my face and that seemed to take care of my stomach noises and he's got me warmed back up again, so I close my eyes. What does that bastard do next? Drops in the same cold bed with the same cold fish? WTF!? I just barely fell asleep! What happened to the comfy warm guy? So I proceed to yell at him for such shoddy service. I swear you can't get good room service these days. He picks me back up so I stop yelling at him and close my eyes. Guess what he does. Yup.. put me bACk in the cage! Oh I'm so peeing on him when I get the chance.
For some reason, he's not around anymore and when I yell for him, he doesn't show up. He must've gone on break or something. I figure as long as I'm awake, I'll holler a bit and see if I can get the nice long haired girl in here to keep me warm. That damn bear in my bed isn't any help. He just stares at me with that stupid bear face. Stupid bear.
It's been about 8 minutes and still nothing. Someone needs to fire the guy with dark hair. He's getting to be pretty useless around here. Can't even get him to come running like he used to when I was still young. Ah, I was so naive back then. Little did I know I could make them do anything just by smiling and flashing the dimple. They're really not hard to train, it just takes time and patience... and lots of yelling. WHERE IS HE AT?! He finally comes back in with some tired look on his face. Look buddy, I don't have time for your attitude. You know how long I've been yelling? Is that anyway to treat someone as good looking as me? My throat was starting to hurt. If I knew more curse words I would use them right now.
He gets me away from "freaky fish" and puts me next to long haired girl who smells good. She has a soft pillow and is always nice to me, (unlike whatshisname). It only takes a minute for me to snuggle up and knock out again. Now THIS is what life is all about.
4:45am: there's that godamn FISH AGAIN. That was a dirty trick. Someone call my lawyer I'm suing someone for all the cookies they got. What are you looking at bear?!?
3.0 2.8 .06 ok, so this morning on the radio I heard the "blood supply is at a critical level". When is it NOT at a critical level? Have you ever heard them say, "it's okay, we have enough blood, thanks though". Just another one of those things that goes in one brain out my mouth.
I'm not a morning person. They need to move it to the afternoon and mondays to like.. wednesdays. I think it's something I'll pitch to congress next time they knock on my door. Or is that Jehovah's witnesses? I get them confused. They both follow a man I'll never be able to trust.
Most people admit to not being morning people, but when I say it, it used to mean, "do NOT WAKE BEAR or BEAR WILL KILL YOU". I love my sleep. It's that magical place where I get to play basketball and wear bunny suits to work. People would try to be cutesy (little sister) and wake me up so I won't be mad, it didn't work. She usually had a large hard object thrown at her. My mom used to wake me up on the weekends with a vacuum cleaner blaring next to my bed. If I locked the door she would bang it against the door. Little did these people know how close they were to death. Too bad it's against the law to kill ... like... persons. Then again, who would cook me breakfast at 1 in the afternoon? Waking up when your body tells you too and shifting over to get more sleep is one of the many pleasures of my life. It's also how I knew my son changed my life.
It was about 3:30am and I had woken up (again) after putting him to sleep about 45 minutes before. You know that 45 minutes that feels like 2 minutes because you JuST fell back asleep? Yeah, that 3;30am when I just wanted him to go back to sleep he was in there crying his little bald head off.
I walked in there almost breaking my toe on some toy I forgot to kick out of the way last time, and poked my head into his crib, he immediately stops crying and gives me the biggest smile he has. I wanted to be so mad and this little kid's stupid toothless grin made me laugh. THat's when being a dad hit me. No matter what he will do and how angry he tries to make me, I'll still be there poking my head into his crib. And that's when I knew he had me.
I'm not really sure what to make of this video. One part of me is bothered that this happens in our traditional sense and garb. But then again, Powwows aren't exactly old school, they're a pretty new rendition of gatherings. Then there's the evolution of dance and kids just having fun. I'm not an old fogy yet but maybe this is too far. I don't know. It seems harmless. Let them express themselves.
3.0 1.4 .06 What my son is in for.
I would LOVE for my son to be like Calvin. Unfortunately. He probably WILL be like Calvin and I'll come home to find my car in a ditch with a stuffed tiger in the drivers seat.
I've had this written since the 3rd. It's taken me over 10 days to edit and post. Man, I suck.
I have a label stuck on me. No wait.. that's not what I meant. Our society is stuck on labels. Most of the labels we use, I don't mind one bit. Hell some labels I actually like. :Apache:. They're either descriptive or indicative of a person's point of view. I like labeling people sometimes because, hey, who doesn't want to be sherlock holmes or Adrian Monk? Sometimes I feel damn proud when I can figure out what kind of person they are just be looking at their shoes or the way they style their nose hairs.
I remember a diversity training where they tried to teach us to NOT judge people by their outward appearance or what you think of that parrot on their shoulder. Who knows if they're REALLY a pirate? Let me tell you.. this will NEVER change. If I see a guy in a turban I'm going to think he's got an accent and wasn't born in this country. If I see a guy with a bloody nose I'm gonna assume it's his time of the month. It's just human nature. When I talk to him I might be proven wrong, but I think that's the point. You can THINK whatever the hell you want. I don't care if people think I'm Mexican. It doesn't bother me that people assume I speak spanish or that I get followed around electronic stores. What DOES bother me is when people don't bother to find out and continue to ACT upon their little prejudices.
Like I said, it's okay to play sherlock. It's NOT ok to realize you're NOT FUCKIN' SHERLOCK HOLMES. In fact, you couldn't pass the basic sherlock test. Too many people don't realize the way I style my nose hairs has nothing to do with my personality. There are people who I believed to be intelligent by their appearance. After talking to them for a few minutes I realize, I was wrong. That person is dumber than a xerox copy of Paris Hilton. There are people who I thought were assholes or bitches based SOLELY on their appearance. Luckily, I realized I suck at the sherlock and those people turned out to be good friends when I bothered to find out. This is probably the one part of the labels in society that really doesn't bother me too much because of the basic nature of people trying to be smart.
One of my biggest gripes is Music Genre labels. People who say things like "I don't like jazz". or, "I don't like Reggae". I'll say right now, of all the things I've heard that was labeled "Jazz", I didn't like it. Sounded like elevator music in a really crappy elevator. But I'll still give it an occasional listen and NOT discount it altogether JUST because I heard some crappy jazz songs. A good example of why this bias is bad is when Genre's split. When Shania Twain hit the air, country music people said "that's not country". Country music haters said, "I hate country music". I'm not sure where that leaves this artist. There are bands that I love that defy description, but do they HAVE to be labeled? Big Head Todd comes to mind. Better Than Ezra and even Green Day. Some people I know don't like Green Day because they "don't like Punk Music". Ask a Punk music listener and they'll say "green day isn't punk.". Well, fuck, Do you like it or not? Did you even listen to it? I guess the whole idea of being closed off to an experience because of a preconceived notion pisses me right off.
I don't like some bands and the style of music they typically represent (boy bands). But occasionally, if you bother to LISTEN you might hear something and be surprised. There's too much to listen to and miss out on just because you decided back in 1974 that every song should have a cowbell in it. I never liked bands like Primus because when I listened to it, it sounded disjointed and non-melodic. I just didn't like it. For example Fear Factory and Rammstein are considered 'industrial metal'. Nine Inch Nails was tossed into the same loop. So I never really listened to NIN. Then I heard more of it. I realized how different it was from those other bands, I stopped listening to the music labeled "industrial". I missed the fuckin boat because of that label. So I decided. Fuck Labels. I'll listen to it. If it's good music, we're cool. There turned out to be other bands I liked considered industrial. Like Static-X and Rob Zombie. I actually heard a Pearl Jam song the other day that I liked. I hate Pearl Jam. Everything I've EVER heard from them sounded like a whiny elephant singing thru a tuba. Their latest song. Kinda rocks. Pearl Jam might have made a good song.
As much as I like going off on a tangent, I'll keep this one short. You ever meet some no-talent assleak who only mentions bands nobody's heard of? Or talks about songs that were only released overseas just to make himself seem like the all:knowing superfan? The guy who didn't have a clue about that band until AFTER you did but spent an extra $40 on a cd because it was a special edition and now he's that much better than you? The same guy who mentions "Broken Sphincter" as the best band since before led zeppelin. And probably elvis even though he's the only one at their shows.. in the backyard... of his mom's house, he knows they're better than anything you've ever heard? Even if you make up a band name he's still heard of it and probably has the bootleg album because he partied with your imaginary band "one time when he was SOOO wasted"? Yeah, I hate that guy. He deserves a rhinosaucerous up the sphincter. Hmm. that would make a good band name.
IF there was a point to all this, it's have fun with your labels. But realize that they are fun. Your band probably sucks as much as mine does. And if you're gonna use a label. At least make it entertaining. Calling some band 'tone deaf' is not as cool as calling someone 'a perfect band to host the old folks bingo jamboree.'
Ronin Update: He's gotten too big for his little bath so we now have him bathing in the bathtub. He's 5 months old today and his 6-9 month clothes are getting a little small on him. We've started buying him 12mo stuff. His first bath went off without a hitch, his second bath,, well, he seemed to like it so he relaxed. He relaxed SO much that we... well, if you can't guess, he decided to "test" the plumbing in the bathtub. I've never cleaned poop out of a tub before, I get the feeling I should get used to it. The fun part was while this was happening our 6 yr old was eating ice cream while watching us and left some chocolate dripped by the tub. I was able to sufficiently gross out mom and daughter as I came back into the living room licking some brown stuff off my fingers. HAHAHAHAHAHA!.
My dad once told me I was born without any common sense. At the time I had no idea what he meant because, well, duh, I had not acquired any sense normal people are supposed to have. I'm sure he was just annoyed with me that day and I couldn't figure something out that was very simple to him. He was a carpenter, so math, logistics and angles is second nature to him. After helping him build a little one story hud house into a big 2 story 5 bedroom mansion on the rez, I realized that since I have no common sense, I'm going to have to figure things out quickly. The problem is, all the other people in the world never had a dad to tell them this, so they continue to walk thru life stepping on my goddamn toes.
For example, did you know that after a street light turns red.. it turns green again? Did you know that when you buy things, the cashier asks for money for the things? These are everyday things that you would figure most people would have figured out by now. Common sense or not. Apparently, I'm wrong. There's a good 50% of the world born without common sense. I'm guessing 99% of those people were never informed of their genetic default and manage to Gump their way through life.
These are the people who get in the slow turning lane then go straight after waiting thru 3 red lights. These are the people who complain about bad service, then take forever to order and make it so complicated they can't tell if the person got it right or not. These are the people who get tattoos from people who show up on their doorstep and say "would you like me to poke you with my dirty wire and ink?".
Lack of common sensewas not an excuse in my house and it shouldn't be one now in the real world. It just means you have to learn to pay attention. You have to use that lump of beef located behind your eyeballs.
When I was a kid it was learn or burn. I was:
Thrown into a fire after I was strapped to a calf as a 6 yr old.
Dragged by a cow when I didn't let go of the rope after the cow took off and everyone ELSE let go of the rope.
Kicked in the neck because I walked too close behind a horse.
Dropped from a running horse because I didn't tighten the cinch on the saddle good enough.
These kind of lessons are learned real quick out on the rez. Maybe we can just send everyone to "ranch camp" out in the woods. I wonder if it'll fix stupidiy. I seriously doubt it, but man, there a few people I've love to see get kicked in the neck by a quarterhorse.
2.0 1.5 .06
More stupid shit that I just don't get. Maybe in the history of evolution these things will make sense from a historical viewpoint, but in the here and now where I rule the world with my robot monkey army... this is dumb.
Seatbelts on big commuter airplanes.
I've been on airplanes with bumpy rides and that seatbelt MAY have held me in place while we jostled a bit. It could've also been that fat heavy breather sitting next to me who kept me from bouncing off the cabin walls. He also kept me from gaining an appetite and sleeping. But I'm sure even without the seatbelt. I would've been fine. The 737 isn't going to go into a roll and do some stunts. I'd be more than happy to obey the seat belt sign if we did some cool aerial acrobatics. Then again, I'm sure I'd be in the minority when I yelled "double roll!". You can always argue that if the plane had a rough landing then your seatbelt will save your life. I'm pretty sure pilots know when things are going to get rough. If your plane decides to land in say.. a mountainside, seatbelts are less important than a fire-suit and 4000 pounds of packing peanuts. There aren't any airbags installed in the seat in front of you either.
I've read that a lot of people slide under their seatbelt in a bad crash. Another reason I'm scared of them. One of the things that always made me laugh was the flight from Albuquerque to Phoenix would always involve the "seat may be used as a flotation device" speech. I have no idea what body of water could take an airplane landing between NM and AZ. Don't get me wrong, there are some big lakes, but if our plane hits one. I get the feeling we'll look like fat kid jumping headfirst into the kiddie pool. My seatbelt will only serve as a placeholder for my torso when they sift through the bodies. or we'll skip off the water like a firey rock into a beautiful rock canyon. I've also seen people ejected hundreds of feet from their cars when they don't wear their seatbelt, I wonder what kind of distance I could get from an airplane. I'll bet I could fly over a football field or two.
If you want to require a seatbelt you should add one onto the toilet seat in the bathroom. Lord knows the last thing I want is to be taking a dump and have the plane shimmy my ass up the wall. Well, it would be kinda funny for me, but the next guy that goes in is in for quite an artistic display of wall-art feces.
There was supposed to be a much larger update than this today, but we had a major system meltdown at work so my schedule was completely fucked. Hopefully monday I'll have my original complaints posted and more entertaining.
2.0 1.0 .06
There's been a political twist on my site lately. It's just the amount of shit I've been reading in the news has caused my brain to care about what our administration is doing. It's like that time those monkeys thru their poo at you and it made you wonder what's happening at the zoo. THough in this case, the monkeys are the ones in charge of the zoo and flinging poo is part of national policy.
The amount of dumbassery and the main asscrease (btw that word can be typed completely with the left hand), that's running our country into a brick wall still amazes me. And I don't mean in that good "that's amazing" way when I was a kid and some guy rode an elephant thru town. I mean... How can they possibly expect to get away with this... and then they do. It's amazing. Like how bugs bunny manages to get Yosemite sam to blow his face off. Except, we're Sam. It's really not that funny. Check these out.
link # 1 - A judge had to turn down some guys attempt to declare bankruptcy because the new law has rules that are almost impossible to understand and even more retarded than the bus to the special olympics. The judge had to rule against the man based on the new laws. . "He stopped just short of accusing Congress of being bought and paid for, dryly noting, "Apparently, it is not the individual consumers of this country that make the donations to the members of Congress that allow them to be elected and re-elected and re-elected and re-elected."
The judge who has worked in Bankrupcy for years and years also said. "Can any rational human being make a cogent argument that this makes any sense at all?".
Though this is the 'well,.. duh' part of the article. - "Congress passed the new law in April on largely partisan lines." Do you really have to ask WHICH SIDE passed this? There is nothing.. I repeat, NOTHING about the new laws that help the average american consumer in any way. If you were barely making your minumin credit card payment before, then you may as well bend over and carry your own lubricant. Now you can't even declare bankrupcty to save your own house/car sanity. Thanks congress. You really really care... about yourselves.
Link # 2 - Bush buried detailed Social Security privatization proposals in his budget.
"in typical Washington fashion when he asked Congress "to join me in creating a commission to examine the full impact of baby-boom retirements on Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid," adding that the commission would be bipartisan "and offer bipartisan solutions."
But anyone who thought that Bush would wait for bipartisanship to deal with Social Security was wrong. Instead, he stuck his own privatization proposals into his proposed budget."
I'm not sure how many people out there actually did a little research on the privatization of social security, but to make it simple. It matters NOT how much money is saved at the federal or personal level. The retirees now are NOT being paid from a large saved account from 10 years ago. The money is paid from the current workers. As long as there is job growth and people currently working, then social security will be fine. Giving people money to save and taking the money OUT of circulation will really cause the true damage. Don't believe me? Good... go as your economics teacher. Look it up.
Link # 3 EX-Fema head set to testify against Bush in Katrina debacle....... unless.
"unless the White House forbids it and offers legal support.... White House is refusing to answer questions or release documents about advice given to Bush concerning the August 29th storm. "
Hmm.. withholding information there Dubya? Why.. whatever for?
Two weeks ago, Bush defended his administration's stance on withholding some information, saying that providing all the material would chill the ability of presidential advisers to speak freely "
There's something about that sentence that confuses me. Let me take out the big words. Bush defended stance on withholding info because, all material would 'chill' advisors to speak FREELY!?!?! I think my head exploded.
Basically Brownie is willing to talk because he screwed up so bad not even Bush wants to help you out. He's willing to talk.. but really... he's trying to get paid instead. Way to hire someone with integrity there. I want the guy who handles major emergencies for our country to have a price tag. It's not like he had to deal with people's lives or anything.
Link # 4 - The stupid cartoon causing controversy causes cockbag's crazy catchphrase. Bush in an attempt to show his displeasure with the violence caused by that cartoon of mohammed says this. And it makes me think of that word.. irony.
"I first want to make it very clear to people around the world that ours is a nation that believes in tolerance and understanding," the president said. "In America, we welcome people of all faiths.
"One of the great attributes of our country is that you're free to worship however you choose in the United States of America."
Unless of course you're gay, anti-american, defeatist, eco-loving or an athiest. THen you have to learn to love jesus and accept jesus as your personal savior and have him taught in your schools instead of science. Other than that.. we're accepting. Better yet.. we MIGHT put up with it. Unless you died in Iraq.. then you're probably gay and will be protested.
Link # 5 I really don't think I have to say anything about these next few paragraphs. Let me say again... amazed.
Scooter) Libby, testified to a federal grand jury that he had been "authorized" by Cheney and other White House "superiors" in the summer of 2003 to disclose classified information to journalists to defend the Bush administration's use of prewar intelligence in making the case to go to war with Iraq
Wilson had been sent on a CIA-sponsored mission to investigate allegations that the African nation of Niger had sold uranium to Iraq to develop a nuclear weapon. Despite the fact that Wilson reported back that the information was most likely baseless, it was still used in the President's 2003 State of the Union speech to make the case for war
Is it possible that a prosecution of Libby might be impeded or even derailed entirely by the refusal of the Bush White House or its Justice Department to declassify information that might be necessary to try Libby?
This SHOULD have been enough after the first election: Unfortunately for the other 49% of America. It wasn't.
First, it significantly adds to a mounting body of information that Cheney played a central and personal role in directing efforts to counter claims by Wilson and other administration critics that the Bush administration had misused intelligence information to go to war with Iraq.
2.0 0.1 .06
I should watch kieth olbermann more often. He's my new hero. Most times when I'm at the gym Bill O'reilly is on. I hate that bastard. If I ever met O'reilly I'd kick him in the crotchwagon. Then again, I'm sure there's a long line of people I'd have to get behind.
I had a random though the other day. I should start my own religion. Just get a bunch of people to believe that they'll go to heaven if they follow my three rul...err.. commandments. The only one I've come up with is 1. Don't be a dick (this is to include all driving/walking rules that rule would adhere to.) I'll have to work on the other 2 some other time. It's hard work being jesus.. or moses.. or a virgin.. I don't know, I get confused with all those red letters.
It shouldn't work but hell, people believe in scientology and jesus, so anything is possible. Maybe I can start small and join the guys trying to make the day after superbowl sunday a holiday. That's one I can get behind. Then again, I'd ask to ban all sorts of things that people purchase as well. Things that I just don't understand. Like Alchohol-free beer or low-fat cottage cheese. Someone explain why we still have car alarms and caffiene-free mountain dew. I believe Mountain Dew ceases to be 'Dew' when you the caffiene of out it. Well, maybe in another life I'll be born with some understanding and less sarcasm. This site would be a lot more boring but less hated. Hmmm.. on second thought, I'd rather be hated than boring.
Speaking of not understanding.
President Bush's State of the Union Address was on the other night. I managed to get a copy (thank you internet) so I could peruse at my leisure. As I read it I was trying to get Mr Assleak's voice into my brain and a weird thing happened. I started pausing and staring off into space as I hit comma's and periods. It was taking me forever to get thru a paragraph. I thought I was distracted or possibly alien abducticated.. then I realized... this is how HE talks. It was the ONLY way I could make any sense of it. I think I lost a few IQ points, so if you happen to see them at your desk, please give them back next time I'm there. Thanks.
Some highlights.
In a system of two parties, two chambers, and two elected branches, there will always be differences and debate. But even tough debates can be conducted in a civil tone, and our differences cannot be allowed to harden into anger. To confront the great issues before us, we must act in a spirit of good will and respect for one another - and I will do my part.
Man that sounds good on paper. Could you PLEASE tell those inbred fucks who protest at FUNERALS this? I'll try to let the crazy left wing liberals know this shit isn't helping. Thanks. Sorry... was that anger?
In this decisive year, you and I will make choices that determine both the future and the character of our country. We will choose to act confidently in pursuing the enemies of freedom - or retreat from our duties in the hope of an easier life.
This is a dirty debate trick. "my way is smart and strong and your way is weak and wussy.. because I say it is". I'm not sure who the enemy is anymore. I thought it was Bin Laden and those terrorists. They weren't even IN Iraq. How many times does someone have to point this out? I have no idea who these "enemies of freedom" are. Could we get a list and maybe some reasons? Or are you just expecting us to believe you and your administration this time? The "you and I" part really kinda cracked me up as well.
more than half the people of our world live in democratic nations. And we do not forget the other half - in places like Syria, Burma, Zimbabwe, North Korea, and Iran - because the demands of justice, and the peace of this world, require their freedom as well.
Yeah but, we really didn't go there FIRST did we? You kinda left out Africa and those poor bastards who are being killed in the thousands on a daily basis. You did happen to sneak Iran in there though. I wonder if THEY have oil as well? Could be a coincidence? Maybe?
As we make progress on the ground, and Iraqi forces increasingly take the lead, we should be able to further decrease our troop levels - but those decisions will be made by our military commanders, not by politicians in Washington, D.C.
Can you tell me again how we GOT there? Was it our military that sent themselves in? I forget about that whole WMD thing that eems to be glaringly missing in this speech.
Along the way, we have benefited from responsible criticism and counsel offered by Members of Congress of both parties. In the coming year, I will continue to reach out and seek your good advice.
Yet there is a difference between responsible criticism that aims for success, and defeatism that refuses to acknowledge anything but failure. Hindsight alone is not wisdom. And second-guessing is not a strategy.
If you haven't been paying attention. Anyone who disagrees is 'defeatism' and I truly, truly hope that when a decision is made to send over 2,450 soldiers to die that someone sat back and 'second guessed'. Holy shit I hope someone over there said... 'ya know, this might be a bad idea'. I'm sure that guy is now labeled as anti-american, defeatist, second-guessing whiny crazy liberal who now has the government job selling tacos every other tuesday outside the pentagon. damn second-guesser. I like the call them, other things. Like.. Rational.
Raising up a democracy requires the rule of law, protection of minorities, and strong, accountable institutions that last longer than a single vote.
Hahahahahahahahahaa.... whew.. wait.. hahahahahhahahahahahahahhaa. Man.. hahah.. I wish..hahahah.. we had that in OUR country.. I can't breathe. My stomach hurts.
so I ask you to reauthorize the Patriot Act.
It is said that prior to the attacks of September 11th, our government failed to connect the dots of the conspiracy. We now know that two of the hijackers in the United States placed telephone calls to al-Qaida operatives overseas. But we did not know about their plans until it was too late. So to prevent another attack - based on authority given to me by the Constitution and by statute - I have authorized a terrorist surveillance program to aggressively pursue the international communications of suspected al-Qaida operatives and affiliates to and from America. Previous presidents have used the same constitutional authority I have - and Federal courts have approved the use of that authority.
so.. err.. if other presidents have the authority and you have the statute.. why do we need to re-authorize the Patriot Act? I don't see where circumventing my rights has to do with a terrorist organization outsmarting us? This "terrorist surveillance program" is also very vague. Do you know who the terrorists are? Or are you just guessing? These are the people being held without trial, warrants or legal rights because you THINK they MIGHT be terrorists? Hmm. .... "first they came for the socialists.... "
America has created 4.6 million new jobs - more than Japan and the European Union combined. Even in the face of higher energy prices and natural disasters, the American people have turned in an economic performance that is the envy of the world.
Do I really have to link the millions of people laid off and outsourced? Do I REALLY have mention the plants closing across america and the slow sales of big ticket items? Do I REALLY REALLY have to do that? Or are you buying this?
This year my budget will cut it again, and reduce or eliminate more than 140 programs that are performing poorly or not fulfilling essential priorities.
Education. Healthcare. Social Security. You know, those stupid useless ones poor people use.
Our government has a responsibility to help provide health care for the poor and the elderly, and we are meeting that responsibility.
He made another funny. Somebody find me a retired person on medicaid and show them this sentence.
This is about half his speech. He goes on more to talk about our addiction to oil and clean energy initiatives. I'll believe it all when I see it. I just think it's more smoke for my ass. Thank you mr President, but no thanks. If I had any more smoke blown up me I'd have to register my head as a smokestack.
0.1 2.6 .06
I just got an e-mail from Bux about some stupid shit he did as a kid without a helmet. I can't believe I left it out: Bottlerocket fights, Tag with motorcycles, watertower jumps (more than a mere 10 feet), the popular 'stretch' game with a knife and races DOWN Dulce rock. He told me him and his cousins once attempted (many) times to hop from one horse to another while galloping. He's a rancher and I grew up a rancher. I completely forgot about "Putting 6-8 year old kids on 2 or 3 year old colts with a bareback riggin and them just hold the horse with a rope and halter. Telling us to hold on. Or using the kids as a gate when trying to load spooked animals." Man if there was a child services officer around back then, all our parents/uncles and cousins would be jail right now.
Anyway, on to my current brain tumor..
I wish there were more varieties of skin color. Right now it's pretty much just brown. Sure you can say white, but have you ever held up a piece of paper to someone? They're not really that white. Beige at the most. We're basically versions of coffee from a diner. From "black" coffee to "lotsa cream lotsa sugar." What this world needs is more colors. I'm talkin turqouise and green and magenta. Even some of those made up colors like 'taupe" or "apricot".
That's not the end of it either. I don't want all these colors to mesh and make another new color, I want them to stay seperate as stripes, dots and basic designs on the human skin. Let's say italians are purple and mexicans are green. That person would have green and purple stripes that make them look like a zebra on acid. You might think they look alien-like, but imagine how many people would be COMPLETELY one color? How many TRUE bloods are still left in the world? I think most white supremist (kkk) fuckers would have a little brown stripe around their eye like that dog from the little rascals. That group membership would fall out so fast there wouldn't be enough people to have a kkk 2-on-2 tournament.
You're probably all worried that this would cause more seperation and racism but I think being able to wear all these colors on the outside would really change perceptions. What if you didn't know who your parents were but you have distinct colors or designs? What would change the way our society percieves "beauty"? Would it be that one color person with perfect features? Or would it be the multi-colored person with cool tattoo like art? We'd all have an entirely different aspect of humanity and people who are different 'colors' would be even more varied and diverse. With the amount of mixed blood people in the world today, this change could probably end a lot of strife. I could be wrong. But then, I thought those blue colored designs on the people from 'atlantis' were cool as shit. I think it would be cool to have several color showing off my apache/hispanic and even a little (gasp) german side.
I wonder what sorts of jokes would come from all this? I'll finish now. and leave you with a joke.
"Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer says, " I clocked you at 80 mph. sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your set belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says," Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."
0.1 1.2 .06
Raising a kid these days is strange. The theories used by doctors and the safety 'gurus' have changed and continue to change. From seat belts to helmets to mozart to baby formula. There was Dr. Spock and some other yahoos dispensing advise when I was a kid. Now we have Nanny 911 to come and fix our kids. I think Archie Bunker, Bill Cosby and Al Bundy pretty much had it all right when parenting was concerned. Don't get me wrong, I think parental advice is fine, but there comes a point where parents just want to blame everything BUT themselves for their naughty kid. So they call in experts because they "have no idea what to do". These are the people who end up on Jerry Springer and you wonder why there isn't an exam to be allowed to breed. I fully support a test of some sort because there are some people who's genetic seed would be better served on the wall of a motel room.
First I think there's a lot of scare tactics being used by big corporations to get people to buy into the whole helmet/armor thing. If your kid is going more than 25mph down a busy street, they should wear a helmet. Hell, they should have on a goddamn football uniform. I didn't wear anything considered 'safe' when I was a kid, but I didn't ride a bike on ANY busy streets and if there was a car coming my parents taught me the basic law of "if it's a car, you will lose the collision" rule. City traffic is different because of all the distractions that exist with that kind of population. However, If your kid is going 2mph in a cul-de-sac and wearing a helmet. That kid is a goon. If you think back to your days of riding bikes and tearing thru gravel parking lots coming out with half the skin on your forearm missing and you still have to walk home because you broke the handlebars off. again. And you see some little goober peddling thru their parking lot with a piece of foam on their head, you just want to point and laugh. The only ones who wore helmets when I was a kid weren't equipped with the mental capacity to figure out they should crash on hands and NOT on watermelon-sized head. As a side note, why don't they make better looking helmets? Why do they all have that retarded almond shape? Why can't you just wear a basic bmx helmet? They seem to be even safer and the kid won't look like a willy wonka reject riding their strawberry shortcake bike thru the neighborhood.
There are a lot of stories about some kid who cracked his head on the pavement because his friend was pulling him on rollerblades with his jeep. They say things like "if he was wearing a helmet he would have survived". No, if he wasn't a moron and figured going that fast on blades could kill him, them he would have lived. Some people HAVE to be taken out via darwinism. I wanted to jump off the roof of my house (10ft tops) many, many times, but there was something in the back of my brain that reminded me that the cape is really only for show and I'm only 4 feet tall. There are dangerous repercussions to be had if I decide to jump. It wasn't TV that made me want to jump. It wasn't something I saw in a video game, it was just an idea I had one day. I didn't jump because I'm not a moron. I didn't tie my bike to the back of a jeep and have someone pull me because I've got an IQ higher than 4. I survived all these years by being smarter than the mountain I climbed. There were a few times I should've NOT jumped across those rocks. There are even more times when I came home bloody and bruised because "really, it didn't look that far". What did my parents do? They shook their heads and said "go wash it off". They knew I was being a dumbass, and they knew I paid for it. So other than costing them another 24 cents for those bandaids, they weren't too concerned.
Not today's parents. Oh noooo. A cough requires a trip to the emergency room and scrapes to the knees will get a call from Child services. I remember riding in the back of a truck. I learned if you take a hard turn your ass better be in the bed or the truck will run you over when you fell out. (again, the truck will win theory). I can only think of one person in my entire family ever getting hurt from sitting in the back of a truck and he will readily admit that he was being an idiot. Can you cart kids around in the city? No, because some brain surgeon on his cell phone will run into the back of the truck and kids will all go flying like little projectile pokemon ads. Still, your kid has to learn the car will kill you rule and learn it quick. Most kids today know the "must stop for pedestrian" legal precedent and assume that bit of legalese will stop the dump truck from smashing them into a million little ipod pieces.
Wearing your seatbelt also used to be optional. The only reason I didn't wear my seatbelt as a kid was because it hampered my sleeping in the back window. I'm sure if there was a seatbelt back there I would've considered wearing it. If your kid doesn't think it's dangerous to ride around your car without their seatbelt, I suggest you slam the brakes at the first stop sign you see. If there are no broken bones that kid will probably be sure to put on the belt next time. My point is there's so many companies trying to say 'oh my god you'll die if you don't use our product!". It's not true. It might help you live longer, IF the opportunity ever arises. I've never had a seatbelt save my life. I've been in multiple rolled car accidents. most people will say "you've just been lucky". Maybe, but why aren't you OH MY GOD scared like you should be?
Well, because there are no guarantees in life. Seatbelt or not, you still might die. Helmet or not, you could still get hurt. It all comes down to basic common sense. Stop using statistics to scare me. If you wear a helmet because you truly believe it'll save your life when you ride off that cliff? Then you need to rethink your protection possibilities. Sometimes kids need something just to make them feel 'safe'. I needed something that made me feel free and dangerous. Where's the fun if there's NO chance you'll get hurt? Maybe it's just me. Maybe we're scaring our kids into pansies. Maybe I just don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
If there's a point to all this, you'll have to read between the lines. I don't like being experts telling me what's best for my kids. I hate the attempts to scare me into doing something a certain (costly) way. With all the advancements in technology and how afraid our society should be, it's amazing any of us survived our youth. Parents need to take more responsibility so their kids will learn to take more responsibility. I'm so irritated with people forgetting how they grew up and believing the corporate shills who are profiting on the conformists of a sheep like society.
0.1 1.0 .06
Alright, there has been a sorry lack of updates to this site. Where is all the anger and strife? What the hell is strife anyway? Snapmouse does has to inform you all that he was sick as a duck last week. Everything that went in, came back out 20 minutes later. The first time you puke, it's what you just had for dinner. The second time? Lunch from that afternoon (don't ask for a detailed description on this one). The 3rd thru 5th times? Well, it's not that I would use the word 'colorful' as I would 'painful'. Anyone who's broken the beer-liqour-varnish rule on a hard night of drinkin has had first hand experience.
Basically being human kinda sucks. There's all sorts of random diseases that can kill you. Shit that you can catch from just walking down the street or sitting on your lazy ass. Whether you're really smart or in really good shape, you can still die from the same silly thing. Then we hurl ourselves at each other at 75mph every day on freeways. Whoever said humans are the smartest creatures on the planet obviously hasn't used a freeway on-ramp for a while. You don't see sharks getting into car accidents. Giraffes don't have to get tetanus shots. When was the last time a hippo got repetitive stress syndrome? Humans are fragile stupid creatures. What other animal on earth considers 'not eating' a disease? There's no other creature that eats it's food then shoves a paw down it's throat and pukes it back up so they can 'stay thin'. It's about time to give back the planet, we're too stupid to be allowed to play with it. There should be a warning label stamped somewhere in the serengeti that says, "for ages dolphin and up. This toy has parts unsafe for humans as they will probably choke on all it's small pieces and die... but they probably won't."
The sad part is humans won't go away that easy. They just keep figuring out ways to live longer and reproduce. Even after there was an illness that attacks such a thing. Now it's just a matter of the 'give them enough rope' theory. Unfortunately for humans, they keep voting in the guy who knows exactly how to tighten the noose. Damn we're stupid.
(ps, I tried really, really hard to not talk about bush, religion or sports and I almost made it.. but not quite)
12.0 28.0 20.05
Yesterday a co-worker pointed out to me how we as a society is obsessed with rich people. We watch them on TV, read about them in magazines and generally give a shit about where they well, give a shit. She was right, but it's nothing really new. I remember one of my favorite shows as a kid was "silver spoons". There was also a bunch of rich people on "Dallas". Of course those were scripted shows about rich people but they also had "battle of the network stars" which was a good way to watch celebrities make fools of themselves.
The difference is the ease and amount of information that's so easy to acquire. Tabloids are never the first to break news and are usually just photos you can probably find online if you look hard enough. Sometimes you wonder if you were rich, would you be annoyed at all the photos taken of you? Or would you go home to your 10million dollar house and cry? I think when I'm driving the $500,000 ferrari and someone pulls up next to me to take a picture, it would be so bad. Hell, I've had people snap random pics of me, it was rather nice. However, I couldn't tell you where my breaking point would be. Probably when I was taking a dump in a fancy restaurant. If I took a dump out on the sidewalk, well, then I deserve some publicity. How do you think Mathew McConaughey made sexiest man of year? On his looks alone?
The point is, You and I would make a terrible rich people. Sure we'd have money and all would be good until you throw that one big party to celebrate. The most practical example I can think of was when I was watching a San Fran Giants game. They showed a yacht out in the marina and people all held up their champagne glasses when they saw themselves on tv. There was arund 15-20 people on this boat. I thought, "how cool would THAT be?". After a few seconds I realized that if I was rich, I'd have more than 15 friends. I'd have more than 50 friends! Hell I have more relatives than that right now. My yacht in the marina would be packed with about 125 people. 95 of them drunk ass indians. Someone would eventually fall off the boat and drown. I'd get sued and be broke again. The fact that I pushed his drunk ass into the pacific is beside the point. THen again, do rich people EVER go to jail?
Todays shows are called "sweet 16" or "Daddy's little girl". Where these obnoxious rich chicks treat people like crap and get new cars for it. Our society has a problem with rewarding bad behavior. If you pay attention to a lot of reality 'stars' who are still making headlines, pay attention to the their personalities. It's always the most horrible, moronic person on the show. Omarosa from The Apprentice was a crazy bitch, she's still in the news. The deluded religious lady from Trading Spouses. The further up the crazy scale, the more interesting it is for us. TV these days go out of their way to display the worst people on the planet. Why? Do most normal people like to see this? Does this now count as entertainment for us? Why aren't we running a live feed from prisons or death row inmates? I won't even bring up the politicians who are now making a living standing on the FAAR RIGHT or the WAAAY left. What happened to a little middle road? (wow, prisoners to politicians in once sentence, wonder what my brain was thinking).
What happened to compromise? What's so bad about the world Christmas? I'm not a religious person in the LEAST, but I find 'merry christmas' to be pretty innocuous and harmless. Who's waging these wars in the news? Why do we keep voting for them? Who is putting these extreme personalities on TV? I can understand the entertainment value of the whole thing. It's about as fun as watching someone fall down stairs (which is hilarious by the way), but once they hit the botttom, the show's pretty much over. You can always throw your shoe at them or something, but we won't get into my family traditions. I'm trying to say there are all these little battles being held by even smaller brains. Are they making the news because we ACTUALLY want to see them? Or because the actual BIG stories are being swept under the rug?
I'm not into consiracies but I'm TIRED of these dumbass news stories on my TV. If I want to see idiots on the screen I'll put on the cartoon network or whitehouse.gov. I'm sick of these inbred morons having their own shows because their daddy is rich. At least pay some poor actors to PRETEND their rich like they did back when alfonso ribero was on silver spoons then became the silver spoon on fresh prince. I miss scripted television. Someone make me laugh at something funny. Not something scary. Put Dick Cheney in a bunny suit and let people hit him with a bat. Why? well, I'd love to see Cheney be hit with a big ass stick, but really, everything is funnier when it happens in a bunny suit. everyTHING.
12.0 20.0 20.05
I've got some more pictures of kids here. Not all of Ronin and not all of babies. But just a collection I've put together. So click on the year in 2005, here.
If there was someway to fastforward to christmas morning and then hit pause, I would do it right now. No wait.. NOW. Did it work? Well, in honor of christmas I thought I should post this cool little flash of "It's a wonderful life... in 30 seconds.. .. and done by bunnies". Credits of course go to AngryAlien.com. I don't know how to do this flash stuff.. yet.
As the end of the year gets here, we sometimes need a recap. Maybe one day I'll become someone to does cliche'd stuff like that. Hopefully someone puts a bullet in my eye before I become predictable like that. I'f rather post the latest recap for Dubya's performance courtesy of Jib Jab. (they can probably sue me for hosting this, but then this is a non-profit site so I'll just get a letter to knock it off.)
End the year Rants :
I still hate George Bush. His last speech stated that his transgressors who said we shouldn't be so negative because now it's either "victory or defeat" so we may as well cheer for victory. I say STFU Dubya. You do NOT get to lead me into a brick wall and then tell me I may as well push thru it.
George Bush does not care about black people.
Gas Prices are not acceptable at $1.90 a gallon. I don't care how excited you get and pee your pants a little when it drops under $2
Nobody said hurricanes are racist. Government response...well, that's another (not new) story.
Giving Spoiled rich girls TV shows makes less sense than non-alcoholic beer. Not to go off on a tangent here but, if they're rich, spoiled, annoying because they get everything they ask for and people pander to them because of their money, who thought "let's give her a TV show of her own!". It's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard since "Bush wins Ohio".
AOL claims spyware slows down your computer up to 500%. I'm not a math geniuis or anything but isn't it only possible to stop things up to 100%? I don't know how you can go slower than stop. Maybe it's just me.
The commercial where the guy puts on the little bike helmet then jumps off his cliff house down to his car makes absolutely no sense. Not the commercial itself which is trying to portray this vehicle for "EXXTREEME" persons, but the stupid little helmet. If you jump off a cliff and you think that little foam helmet is going to help you, then you should just stop breathing right now. Thanks.
Truth.com Commercials to get people to stop smoking should be banned from all intelligent life. People who actually think those commercials stop people from smoking should also have thier brains removed so their skulls can be used for something more useful, like potting plants.
Having a brand new baby is more fun than people make it sound. Then again, I'm sure having a great mom for him is the main reason it's been such a blast.
Hope you all had a good year. The good nes is, we're getting close to the end of Dubya's reign. THere's no way next year could be as good as this one.
12.0 16.0 20.05
This is my little story that was written and contributed by me and my fellow blacksox. This is about 12-13 years old now and speaks of a normal day of living among the blacksox on the reservation. I'm sure the sox will get kick out of it.
After having a Mountain Dew Tallboy breakfast. For about only a $1.69 a six pack. Billy shows up humming “Hammer Time” after just hearing his voice on KCIE in the Hand-me-down Honda and wearing his giants jersey. He’s trying to wash the smell of the AIE building off his clothes and reciting the events from last nights Giants Game.
Wearing his NY Yankee Cap that has seen many ballgames and 49’ers the classic OJ is ready to play. Though he’s hoping some girl doesn’t show up and ask him for a favor he can’t say no to.
Jim G, the only True blue met fan we know of and after seeing the fellas arrived dropped his weapon (guitar) and decided to trade it for another, the Bat. Now if he could just dig thru his 1.99 clothes to find his glove.
Doc after claiming he’s been waiting for three hundred years and slugging down on the couch watching Pulp Fiction (again)
right bout the time we hear Dan’s distinctive honk.
Dan walks in and asks “S’watch’yo point?”.
Sone “Crazy-Arm” Phone a six-foot geeky boy, (after securing a babysitter), finally shows up wearing a shirt with no sleeves.
We prepare to face off at T’row sum field. After choosing teams and making it as equal as we can, in our minds anyway. At that point we all dig for the ceremonial Quarter, which basically means whoever has a coin in their pocket. Meaning the ceremonial qtr doesn’t have to be a quarter. Someone then shouts, “Who’s got the Hawks”. We need some chew. It could be Levi Garrett, it could be Hawkens as long as we can chew it. Sometimes it’s already on the doghouse. After a handful of warm-up pitches we’re ready to go. Ok, not yet. We have to fix the homer wall, line the foul lines and use rocks or pieces of wood to complete the fence. We also need to have the committee on the rules regarding all the new pieces of the field. Doc decides he must pitch first and is a legend in his own backyard. His arsenal was wide but strange. He has been known to throw over 200 pitches. Finally the pitcher calls “game on”. Usually the pitcher for the opposing team is the lead off man.
The game progresses and the ups and downs are bigger than any world series. Strikeouts are becoming less frequent and that argument about what constitutes a hit has now been added to the 'rule book'. Jim is tired of running down the hill for the ball. Sony now has to get his own pitches that flew 6 feet over the batter. If there was a wiffleball Nuke Lalush, it would be Sony. If there were a mascot he would've broken the record for number of times he hit him.
Does anybody remember the score? Was it 12-15 or 4-7? Who won? Does it really matter? Well, bragging rights will always be held for a day or 2. Next run is out to Rancheros for some stuffed sopapillas and more mountain dew. Evenings are spent in the cool mountain air re-telling stories of games past and alcoholic memories.
Eventually OJ has some girl drag him off. Jim goes back to his strings while the rest of the sox sit outside til the reservation moon is high and realize that other stories will have to wait.. til tomorrow.
12.0 14.5 20.05 It's almost christmas so we're supposed to be all Merry or Jolly or stretchy these days. It's a holiday based around the birth of little Hey-soos and the miracle that Mary was a virgin. (pssshht, yah.. right). Whether or not you believe the story is irrelevant. The fact is we get an entire day off work. It's too bad this country wasn't founded by my tribe. We'd have all SORTS of days off.
First we'd get off for high school basketball state finals. As long as the team was in the tournament, you get paid leave. You have no idea how important basketball is on reservations. It IS a religion. We'd also be able to get off for helping at family kesta's (feasts). You have some proof that you're helping out in the woods, and you get the whole week off.
Then there's about 3 days in september for Go-Jii=Ya.
There's the official "Jicarilla Day" that's sort of like our independence Day.
New years of course (*though we'd get like 3 days because it takes a while to recover)
July you'd get about 2 1/2 days of slackingness attributed to our Little Beaver Celebration. Unless of course you're helping with "planning" or other important things like, "float making".
Last but not least there's the inevitable. "drinking binge" week off. I've known people on the rez who'll just not go to work for weeks at a time, and when they see their boss, he asks them, "so are you coming back to work"?. The hung over guy, who did not call in, did not give an excuse or provide a doctor's note, will say "yeah, I guess'. And be fully re-instated into prior position without loss of pay, warning or even probation. If you happen to be the boss, you only need to show back up to work when you decide you're tired of waking up with cigarette butts stuck to your face.
Wow, that was nothing like I wanted to post about today. Back to my complaint.
I don't know how many of you are old enough to remember, but there was a book back in the early nineties called "men are from mars, Women are from Venus". It was a best seller and people talked about it and there was even a few *cough* talk shows dedicated solely to explain this book and why it was such a big deal. I happened to catch one of these shows and l each other" as they wanted us to believe. This book taught us to feel bad for everyoet me tell you.... what a crock of ridiculous shit. I've never seen anyone pander so much to a buying audience than the book and the people peddling this piece of pure pussified purging of personal plans. This book didn't teach people "how to get along with each other and be smurfy". Apparently this huge idea was to be sensitive to all their problems no matter how stupid it is. Let me be the first to say, Fuck. That.
Perfect Example: Woman cleans the entire house (including dusting the top of the chandelier and fans). Husband appreciates clean house. Woman still gets mad at him. Why? Because she made an extra effort to clean the top of something he COULDN"T EVEN SEE! The solution these people told the man? HE has to be MORE sensitive to all the work she did. This is where I got mad. WHy does HE have to do anything? Why doesn't SHE have to be LESS Sensitive? When the fuck did we decide that fixing some person's every little emotional state is OUR job? What happened to "get over it"?
I'm not saying you should ignore the plights of entire people, i'm just saying we're so concerned with people who are made to feel "bad" that we have to make entire societal adjustments to suit their emotional lifestyle. While they feel no need to adapt to mine. We're becoming over-sensitized to everyone and everything. That's why there's no longer dodgeball in schools. And they no longer keep score at little league games. We're afraid to hurt some kid's feelings because he didn't win the game. Well, that's LIFE, something you WIN, sometimes you LOSE, sometimes it' RAINS. You know why everyone picks on the slow fat kid in dodgeball? Because he's the slow fat kid! WHen he goes home and says people hit him with the ball because he's slow and fat he should learn that it's not good to SLOW or FAT in this life. Girls also get picked on a lot in dodgball. How long does it take for a girl to realize that they also have to be quicker, faster and just as strong as the boys in this world in order to compete? These are not just games, they are lessons in REAL life! Taking this away because we're so SENSITIVE doesn't help the kids, it hurts them in the long run.
It's also the reason people like Bill O'reilly and Ann Coulter exist. They can say such demeaning stuff and cause such a stir that it freaks people out. Eminem has made a whole career out of playing off our oversensistivities. The difference with Eminem is, he admits it. Douchebags like o'reilly and coulter just do it for publicity and shock value.
Coulter has been quoted to say such things as " My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building. "
Oh my *gasp* she said WHAT? Yeah, but she's a basic bitch on heels people WANT to listen to. I get the feeling if you turn your back and stop listening to her she'd disappear like in that Freddy Krueger movie where you can't be hurt if you're not scared. Bill O'reilly, well, he just yells at people who disagree with him. THat tactic should've stopped working in the second grade. But again, people LOVE to hear the controversial. No matter how inane.
I remember watching Bill O'reilly once and he said "gays in the military bring down morale". Then moved on to talking about how great George Bush has handled the war. Wait.. what? How does it bring down morale? Who gave you the talk show to just spout off random sentences as fact and move on? Oh yeah,, that's right. Fox News.
The point is, if we weren't so sensitive to hate-mongering asshats, they wouldn't have the power we allow them. Should the man be more sensitive to his wife? Not for that stupid shit. Maybe SHE should be more sensitive to his driving in rush hour traffic. Maybe they should both stop whining so much and remember they do these things to make BOTH of their lives better. Not for some sort of reward or pat on the head.
A lot of this might sound contradictory because I want people to care about the tragedies of native americans or iraqi's, but I'm trying to point out that sometimes we are asked to be sensitive to people who can help themselves. We are left helping those who can solve their own problems. The people that are capable to DO, should DO and the ones that CANNOT are the ones we should help. We should not be made to feel like insensitive pricks because you "had a bad day". People who want us to feel bad for "eating flesh from animals" while wearing a leather belt and shoes. There is a line to be drawn, and most of the time, I get the feeling we crossed too far to look back. It's really starting to freak me out. The answer should not ALWAYS be "be more sensitive". So shut up Dr. Phil you damn roll-on deodorant look-a-like.
12.0 0.5 .05 Last week I took my son to get his immunization shots. This is another first for me. I knew they had to poke the kid with little needles and it's gonna make him cry and mad, well, there were more things that I should've expected.
First of all, is it so hard to be more efficient with all the basic checkup stuff? First they send you into a room to wait for a...umm... person. Just like usual, you sit in that room for about 5-500 minutes wondering if they just put you in a room to shut you up while they giggle outside the door like school girls. Just like when those mean girls would push you into the girls' bathroom then hold it shut while you screamed to get out. Man those were some interesting college years. Anyway.
The nurse?helper? person.. the nurper.. she comes in and asks normal questions about his sleep and poop. (I'm assuming a parent has normal conversations about poop). The nurper has an assistant of her own, she's one who makes you takes the kid's clothes off and lie him down on the construction paper they have laid out. I'm half tempted to make a little outline of his body or his hand and make the smallest turkey ever, but I was able to control myself. Ronin, however, was not. Apparently he wasn't happy with the "dryness" of the paper and thought it could use a little softening.. if ya know what I mean. As i threw another diaper over old faithful there the nurper consistently asked more questions about the launch capabilities of the latest nasa space shuttle. (ok, I have no idea what she was asking me, I was trying to contain a flood godammit!)
He was finally naked and on the dryer part of the table and feeling pretty proud of himself. That's when I knew I'd have my revenge. The nurper's assistant proceeded to shove things up his butt and tap on his legs and rub his head, then measure him and finally took him to put him on the meat scale. He's now up to 14 pounds. Yup. 14LBS! His height, head size all in the normal 50th percentile range, but his weight... 95th percentile. Exactly where he was when he was born. We're starting to believe he over cooked.
They leave us crying and naked and cold. (don't ask why I was naked but people should learn not to mumble when they speak). The lil guy is screaming at me for letting them do that him so I spend the next 5 minutes or so calming him down and getting him to stop crying. He finally calms down by staring at imaginary people in the glass and I need a rest. After sitting there for another 7 hours and start wondering why someone didn't just come in and give him the shots while he was naked and crying. After another 3 days pass, the buzzards start to circle. I need a nap, he's getting restless and it's been a few months since he's eaten. I figure we'll have a last meal as they've obviously abandoned us to die in that room. I make him a quick bottle and he eats away. Luckily he doesn't know how to cry and eat at the same time so all's quiet again. About 1 ounce into his lunch, some other nurse shows up.
I believe this crazy looking lady is here to administer the shots we've been dreading. She's looking a little frazzled. A bit like christopher lloyd in back to the future. It's a little scary, because this basket head has needles and wants to stab my kid in the leg. This, I'm prepared for. What I was NOT ready for was when I looked down and he was asleep. Yup, he calmed so much that he knocked out while he was eating.
So what's a dad to do? At first I feel bad because I have to wake him up.. again. Then I think about all the times he's woke me out of a sound sleep and don't feel bad anymore. ha! The lady breaks out the little needles and says "we're giving him 4 shots, 2 on each leg". Wow, I didn't think he was big enough to find somewhere to poke 4 times. I go from feeling good, to ok.. then she says "I'll hold his legs down, you hold his upper body". I was really hoping I wouldn't be this involved. Just because when he's on his back she grabs his legs, he looks up at me with a cocked eyebrow (kind of like the Rock) and I go from feeling ok, to feeling really bad. He's got that 'what are they doing to me dad?' look. She asks me to hold his arms again and he gives me that 'and WHY ARE YOU HELPING THEM DAD?!?!' look.
I'm sure every parent goes thru this, but having to stare your kid in the eyes while he's being pinned down and it seems like you're the one causing the pain, well, it's just not fair. I'm not sure who would ever WANT the job of poking a baby 4 times with a needle. I can't imagine someone seeing that on the job description and thinking, "yes! I've always wanted to stab kids and make them cry on a daily basis". It seems to be the last man on the totem pole type of assignment. Right next to scooping up the elephant poop and feeding the lions.
I'm thinking the rule there is, "the late person into work today has to give the shots". I picture grown women speed walking and pushing thru the door so they're not given the shitty job of poking babies. There are probably pieces of blue hair and orthopedic shoes laid about in the parking lot from that morning's scuffle. Like I said, not sure that's how it happened, but if there was job like that at my job, we'd have broken fingers on a daily basis. I'm also hoping that when they hold the interview for the job they ask, 'do you like stabbing kids and making them cry" and if that person says yes, they're immediately dismissed. At least, I hope nobody enjpys that. When I looked over that the nurse and yelled "take me instead!" she hopefully understood what I meant.
The nurse was quite quick about the whole thing and my kid managed to cry himself til he ran out of noise. I dressed him as quickly as possible and for some reason, as soon as he had his clothes back on, he was quiet again. In fact, he was smiling again. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was just cloth and not armor. That look in his eyes thinking he had his iron-man suit back was priceless though, so i gave him his moment.
We got out of there alive and with a little more moisture in our eyes than we walked in with. Though among the pieces of torn hair and broken fingernails in the parking lot, we came to an understanding. I'll always do what's best even if it hurts both of us threaten to have some evil nurper come in and stab you in the leg if you're naughty. hahahehahahahehaehaeh!
12.0 0.2 .05 Ian posted this, full credits, just wanted to share:
Nixon in 1969: "The precipitate withdrawal of American forces from Vietnam would be a disaster not only for South Vietnam but for the United States and for the cause of peace."
Bush yesterday: "Setting an artificial deadline to withdraw would vindicate the terrorists' tactics of beheadings and suicide bombings and mass murder -- and invite new attacks on America."
Nixon: "An announcement of a fixed timetable for our withdrawal would completely remove any incentive for the enemy to negotiate an agreement. They would simply wait until our forces had withdrawn and then move in."
Bush: "Setting an artificial deadline to withdraw would send a signal to our enemies -- that if they wait long enough, America will cut and run and abandon its friends."
Nixon: "If necessary ... we will withdraw all our forces from Vietnam on a schedule in accordance with our program, as the South Vietnamese become strong enough to defend their own freedom."
Bush: "And as the Iraqi security forces stand up, coalition forces can stand down -- and when our mission of defeating the terrorists in Iraq is complete, our troops will return home to a proud nation."
Quoting Karl Marx: "History always repeats itself, first as tragedy, the second as farce."
eleben, 29 and 05 This is one of my short lists for things that should be changed in our american way of life. It's not a drastic change, just some things to make life more enjoyable. Mostly for me, but I guess if other people get enjoyment, it's a good side-effect.
Legal age changes. There is already a legal age to drink at age 21. Why is that the last legal thing allowed til you turn 65? I would like to propose a legal change for every 10 years up to age 101. For example:
- 31 legal to --- well, I haven't narrowed this down yet as I'm now over 31.
- 41 Legal to speed 10 miles over the speed limit. Hell you've been driving for over 25 years now, you should know what's safe and what isn't by now. It might also rule out some darwin challenged fuckwads and they'll take themselves out of the gene pool.
- 51 Legal to smoke pot. It's about time they get to enjoy what alzheimer and cataract patients have been enjoying for years. Also, at this age, you're not exactly stupid enough to get addicted and use youth as an excuse.
- 81 Legal to do every drug imaginable. You're already being pumped full of medications, you may as well try cocaine and heroine. I mean, what's it gonna do? Kill ya?
Driving tests to include "cell phone capability" exam. I propose as the driving test is being done, that the tester hand the driver a cell phone and ask them to make a call and get directions. If the driver can handle both things (phone and driving) then they get an exception on their license. Cops can then pull over people while they're on the phone and ask to see the exception list. If anything it would scare people who CANNOT TALK AND DRIVE AT THE SAME TIME TO STOP DOING IT!
The day after superbowl sunday should be a holiday. Not that I really care who plays every year or even watch a whole lot of football. But can you imagine the great superbowl parties that could happen if nobody had to work on monday?
On the back burner of this post I'd like to suggest that spandex and thongs only be sold in select locations with trained professionals only allowed to sell them. There should also be a maximum size of thongs and spandex. Anything larger than Medium should be thrown into the sun. Mostly because I'd rather stare at the sun than be caught by surprise by someone who thinks they can wear spandex.
There are about a million other rules I guess I should take the time to add, but I'm too lazy to finish this today. Instead I'm going to finish my christmas list. Though it might be too late. My parents already went shopping and bought me some crap when they were here. Either way, snapmouse's xmas list is here.
He's 8 weeks old today. But not 2 months old yet. I know, I don't get it either. So I'm a proud daddy. Shoot me, he's just darn cute.
Which brings me to my latest point. I hate new parents. Goddamit we're annoying. All the "look at my kid" and "he's so smart" and "look at the way he eats out of the doggie bowl, isn't it adorable?". After a while you just want stab those parents in the eye with a spork. It's like those cute couples who have nicknames for each other like "shmoopsie" or "buttermuffin" or "plywood butt". It just starts to take a toll. New parents are the same way.
First of all, your kid isn't THAT cute. The cutest thing in the world would be a baby duck with a little hat on. Don't argue with me, this has been tested by scientists and world leaders, (by scientists I mean me and by world leaders I mean some homeless guy at the park). So unless you can prove that your kid is cuter than a baby duck with a hat, you need to stand in the corner with your little troll doll and try to comb it's hair.
Also, the fact that your kid is able to keep from eating his own head doesn't make him a genius. It makes him... well, a little smarter than you. Also those ridiculous noises and faces new parents make when they're trying to get their kid to do a trick is more entertaining than watching the kid. Have you ever watched someone try to catch a butterfly or run away from bees? Do what I do, imagine there is no butterfly and there are no bees... what does that person look like? That's right. The spastic goat herder of the nut farm. They should be in a white robe running back and forth thru manicured lawns with velcro shoes. That's what new parents look like if you were to imagine there is no baby. There's just something disturbing about having make a face like monkey to make your kid smile. No, wait.. that's me. But hell, monkeys are funny, what can I say?
New parents lives revolve everything around their newborn 'bundle of joy". Though I'm sure they're not calling him that when he's up at 3am screaming like that time you were cooking bacon in the nude. (what, am I the only one who did that?). Every little accomplishment is magnified by a brazillon because parents have fishbowl eyes. Makes me feel bad for the kid when these eyes are just staring at them waiting for the next trick. It's just too much pressure to put on someone who just figured how to drool.
Last but not least is the inordinate amount of pictures new parents feel the need to show you. Yeah, his little sailor outfit is cool (even though the blonde wig is pretty gay) but why are there 42 pictures that look exactly the same? Did you know you can actually delete the ones out of focus? You also don't need to tell the back story of every single image. a simple "he was in a good mood that day" should do. I really don't think anyone cares how many ounces he drank or that interesting color you found in his diaper. Parents are all about too much information and it shows in the photos.
Yeah, I pretty much do all those things and for some reason i just can't seem to stop myself. When I step outside and watch myself, I scream "shut up! Shut up! you're godammn annoying!". It doesn't seem to stop me. So for all you people out there that have had to deal with my incessant crap. I apologize. And to all you other new parents out there....
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
no-winder, heaventeen You are NOT a special snowflake! I know you probably watched Mr. Rogers growing up and he told you that you were special. Then Big Bird said something like "there's nobody else like you in the world" and you sat there with your sugar-addled brain and started to believe it. Let me tell you something, you are NOT special. There are too many snowflakes for me to give a shit about you. Though, that's weird cliche. If i didn't care, why would I bother to wrap up shit and hand it to you? Seems like too much work for simple indifference.
By the way, Mr. Rogers had some serious OCDs. If you went home and changed your shoes and sweater everytime you got home, you'd be put on some good drugs to control your disorder. I can't be the only one who noticed this. Most of the sesame street charcters were also on a variety of drugs, but this isn't about your screwed up childhood, its about you thinking you're special. I know what you're thinking.
"But Snap, everyone is special in some way. Will you tell that to your son when he gets older?".
First of all, I'm not denying your individuality. if you want to paint yourself orange and walk around pretending to be a traffic cone, I won't stop you. What I'm talking about is being a part of society in general. If people would stop believing they've got special privileges, there won't be as much stupidity for me to hit with my Jesus Stick. (please see archives for Jesus stick uses).
I don't want to explain the existentialist view of your "place in the world", but I do want to make everyone understand that when you're surrounded by other human beings, you are part of that "group". Even with your orange genitalia, you are still a PART of it. Let me give you the obvious examples.
Traffic. There are 4 jillion cars on the road trying to get home. You just want to get home, take off your shoes and sweater and play with your imaginary train family. That guy in the car next to you? He just wants to get to his garage where all the orange paint is. Maybe he wants the orange paint more than you want the train. Odds are, he probably does. You can make his day a little better if you just think, "I'm not a special snowflake!" and move out of the fast lane. I've seen a LOT of people stop in a traffic lane (not a turning lane) in the middle of rush hour traffic to either pick up a friend, or make a turn they missed. Hey fuckwad, you missed your turn. You do NOT get to hold up the 85 cars behind you who DID NOT miss their turn.
You might be thinking, "but someone should let them over", why? so THEY can get on the freeway later and get home 10 minutes later and lose 10 minutes playing candyland with their kids? NO! Get the fuck outta the way, you ARE NOT special! YOU'RE the one who fucked up. YOU'RE the one who fell asleep during the "lefty-righty song". Drive, on, take another exit, find another way, don't make OTHER people pay for your stupidity. You are PART of a larger group and are using your "special" power to fuck it up for everyone else.
I can go on and on about traffic and how people do these things. Like trying to make a left onto a busy street or driving the same speed in EVERY FUCKING LANE. Listen people. Way back when these roads were designed, they probably weren't too busy. As urban sprawl continued to grow, more and more cars drove down that road. Someone at city planning or mars space station realized the congestion was getting worse and added lanes to ease said congestion. Hence, they turned the 2 lane road, into a 4 lane road. If you and the car next to you are going the EXACT SAME SPEED, then you've just obliterated the entire reason for the extra lane. You've managed to make that guy in the space station cry and consider suicide. You might just be bopping away to whatever pop song happens to be on the radio but there are people dying around you godammit! . I don't lay much blame on the driver in the right lane, that is the slow-traffic-move-right-lane afterall, but the OTHER person... MOVE! I don't care if you're going the speed limit. There are 4 thousand cars trying to go 5 miles OVER the speed limit and it's not your fucking job to keep them from speeding! If you'd LIKE that job I'm sure KC police would like to hear from you, until then, STOP CAUSING CONGESTION ASSHOLE!
Someone should hire me to fly around the city in a helicopter and yell at morons on the road. Just a basic 2 hour radio show, in the morning and evening so I can point out what a bad driver you are. Maybe some shame will cause people to pay attention. It would also be great fun and cathartic for me to be able to demean people publicly. Which is pretty much what I do for free now anyway.
This is my list of other places/occasions where you are not a special grain of sand.
Concert Halls (your talky group is fucking up traffic, I'm walking THRU your circle)
DMV (basically anywhere there's a long line)
Grocery Store (no I don't think you should pay with a check)
Bars (on second thought, bribery of a bartender for special treatment is ok with me)
My point is to take some time and realize get the fuck outta my way! Thank you.
Knowvhendbrr, tin, five Just in case nobody noticed my pumpkin, it was of strong sad from homestarrunner.com If you've never seen homestarrunner or especially the Strong Bad E-mails Then you're missing out on a great internet phenomenoneomeone.. umm. on. Ok, it's not really that long word I just tried to spell, it's just some animation guy who reads e-mails and a lot like my hero. I've tried to pattern myself after strong bad, but you can only go so many days wearing boxing gloves and no shirt. Hey, that reminds me, tomorrow's casual day. Wonder what their policy is on mexican wrestling masks.
Noevendbear, fore-th, oh-lets say-five I smell like a diaper. Do I smell like a diaper? I swear I can still smell dirty diaperness. This morning I changed my son's stink pail and he decided to drop off another deposit while the bank was open if you know what I mean. Luckily there wasn't any need to call in the national guard but hazmat crews were on standby and the guys handling dangerous spills were en route.
ok, it wasn't that bad, but are you sure I don't smell like a diaper? It's coming from somewhere and just won't go away. Oh yeah, I completely forgot to tell the story of my flight back from New Mexico Back in July. Shit.
Flying from Albuquerque to Kansas City on southwest airlines is normally a boring trip. Well, I wasn't so lucky. For those of you who have never flown southwest before let me give you a quick tip. PRINT YOUR BOARDING PASS ONLINE! OR you can show up really early and hope to get into the "A" group. There are no assigned seats on southwest. It's the equivalent of a rugby scrum when they announce boarding. Southwest has attempted to break up the nut-kicking brawls by using A,B and C groups. It doesn't help much. Now the fights are more personal and the eye-gouging that much more delicious.
This flight I was lucky enough to be in A group. I was seated about 20th out of 30 people and found a seat by the window next to another guy with an empty seat between us. This is critical because of the small seating on these airplanes. You could get lucky and sit in the newer emergency rows because you don't face the other person anymore. Those are weird seats to sit in. It's strange to wake up from one of those seats to find grandma Jeffries staring at you like the last piece of geritol in the bottle. Then you have to smile and wipe the drool off your chin.
After a few minutes of breathing the recycled air and wishing for a sweat sock to wear over my face to kill the stench, the loudspeaker announces they need 2 seats together. My immediate reaction may be shocking to some you who think I'm like... a nice guy or something. I think "fuck em, it's southwest, get here early or suffer bitches". They then bring the 2 people on board and I see it's a little boy and girl flying alone. My heart calls me a dick as the other guy and I make eye contact to see who's gonna move. We both know it HAS to be one of us and whoever moves is gonna have to sit between the heavy breather and the squeeky voice lady who you can still inexplicably hear over the roar of 6 jet engines. We have a little mexican standoff because whoever DOESN'T move is going to be "that asshole on the plane". He shrugs and gets up before i do (besides he's in the aisle and it's easier for him). ha... sucker.
The little fellers arrive next to me and I notice the boy is about 8-9 and the girl can't be older than 4. She seems younger still, but I can't imagine a 3 year old flying alone. Remember, i live with a 5 year old, this girl was NOT even close to that old. I offer them the window seats (hell, this might be their first flight so they'll like it). They are probably the most polite children this side of those wierd kids on "the sound of music". He declines and they sit down. They have their little stereos and the girl has a coloring book and markers. Looks like they've done this before. Hell, they're more prepared than I am. I had to beat up a bum in the bathroom for his 3day old newspaper.
About halfway thru the flight, I glance over at the little girl as she starts coloring, and I notice she's very deliberate. Every stroke of her marker is within the lines and she almost traces the lines before she colors the space. I don't know why this amazes me, but I just had to smile when she caught me gawking. I think "great, now I'm granpa Jerry staring at her like she's the last dew in the fridge". Funny how life turns on you like that huh?
The flight stays relatively uneventful until we start to descend. The girl puts her coloring book away and the kids have gotten comfortable enough with me to let me help put her markers and coloring books back in her bag. The little boy is full of thank you's and you're very nice's. All of a sudden the little girl stops and just stares at the seat back tray table in it's 'upright and locked position'. Being around kids alot, I know this look. This is the "shit, I have to get up but can't" look. Her brother and I both ask her if she's ok. Amazingly she shakes her head 'no'. Uh oh.
Most kids will say their fine until their puking all over your new shoes in the middle of a crowded mall. This little girl knew she was in trouble. We tried to give her a drink of water. I pulled out the barf bag and figued out the origami folds just in time. She grabbed the open bag out of my hands and proceeded to decorate the inside with peanuts and apple juice. I felt so bad for the little one. I gathered up all the napkins I had and started pounding on the 'call nurse' button. When she finally showed up I asked her for some more napkins and something to drink. As she scurried off I thought "just think if I had gotten up sooner, wonder if that other guy would've been as helpful". It seemed like the waitress was taking forever and I thought it was just me being impatient, until the girl's brother started shooting where-the-fuck-is-she-glances down the aisle.
Alice finally arrived with napkins and some wet-wipes. We both clean her off as I turn on the air and make sure we have some more doggie bags, just in case. The little girl never cried or whimpered. To make a bad joke, she took it like a man. I can almost say I was proud of her. I know grown women who start crying and panic when they puke in public places. Obviously this patient, mature child was gifted. If I wasn't such a child myself I would've asked to adopt her.
My plane flying experiences vary from almost being blasted by lightning in arizone to bouncing aross a runway in hawaii, but this was one of the more fun experiences I've had. Maybe it's because I like kids. Maybe it's because I like helping people. I think it's because people throwing up into little bags is funny. Why do we get on things that make us puke? There should be a puke bag at every merry go round if you ask me. People are strange. Kids are cute.... even when they almost vomit on your shoes.
October 31rd, 2005 Today is Halloween. It's a great holiday. Though, it's not really a holiday in america. Like our Pumpkins?
It's becoming LESS of a holiday thanks to religious nutbags. There are a ton of other nutbags across the globe, but since the religious ones are fucking up fun stuff, I get to pick on them. I don't see the "aryan nation" or "anti'gay" guys ruining fun for kids, so let's watch the Jesus freaks do it. Honestly, what's the worst thing that can happen to your 8 year old when she wears a witch costume? Will THAT turn her into a satan-worshipping-cat-killer? My sister once dressed up as fire. Yup.. fire. She seems fine. (other than the burn scars of course). When you're a kid you're ruled by your imagination and abilty to have fun while spinning in circles. Why do these people feel the need to take that away?
My boss just told me about his grandson who got in trouble while playing football for "hitting too hard". HUH? What? Illegal hits I can deal with, but there was nothing illegal about the hit. Goddamit this country is turning our kids into a bunch of sissies. I would LOVE to get into the use of helmets and pads while going 2mph on a bike, or the places that have banned Dodgeball and no longer keep score at little league games, but I don't have time. I was in 2 car accidents when I was a kid and NOBODY was wearing a seat belt. I used to sleep in the back window of our old Grand Marquis. We crashed in the snow once and ended up sideways. I'm fine. We were all fine. I would ALSO like to get into the theological discussion about when it's 'your time to go' and why the FUCK am I wearing a seat belt? Will it stop god? But again.. I don't have time. Maybe later.
We have a 5 year old dressing as a princess. I would LOVE to see some "god fearing" person come up and tell her to take it off because of this "devil's holiday" just so I can pull out their tongue and use it to paint my deck. I know I sound angry but I really love halloween. I wish I had more money to buy me a kick ass costume to wear every year. Even though I love this day, I'm lazy and a good costume takes time. I refuse to step onto the playing field without a good effort.
Halloween is also the most fun when you're in high school. You're allowed to stay out late and dress as an idiot. The "good girl" can wear her slut clothes. The Goth kid can act like a football player and the football player can fulfill his fantasy of wearing a cheerleader outfit. (Before you freak out, I was a football player). It's just a time to let loose and have an excuse for beating up random people in the parking lot or knocking kids over and taking thier candy. At least, that's what halloween was for me. College was okay too, but you seem to lose the recklessness you had in high school. Probably because in college you can be tried as an adult. This post has just gotten boring as a golden girls marathon. I'll shut up now.
October 27st, 2005 Mark this on the list of shit that pisses me off. Right below traffic, dubya and religious fanatics. I hate when I hear people "wonder" how they got so fat. I happen to know Exactly what got me fat. I eat crap and haven't broken a sweat in three months. I have this thought pattern that fat comes out as little balls of sweat. The only good way to get fat out of your system is to SLOWLY drip it out. If you eat more than you sweat, then you're left with a prime number. (joke stolen from Carlos Mencia). That's WHY you're fat... fatass.
The other thing that pisses me off. Breaking/stealing my shit! I don't feel all 'vulnerable' or 'violated' or 'constipated' when someone steals from me. It just pisses me off that I had to go to work and earn some cash so I could buy this crap and some tweaker without any sense comes along and costs me $200 to replace a goddamn window. The other night someone ran over my mailbox. It's a pretty sturdy thing too. Surrounded by large pieces of wood. They took out the wood and broke the mailbox. Check out the pictures here, here and here. They took out my mailbox with.. something big. THen took off. I guess I can count on Karma to get them back sometime down the road. Do I think they'll get their comeuppance? no, not really. But what am I going to do about it? Complain? oh yeah... I just did. Thanks for reading.
I got an e-mail a few weeks ago.. well a couple of them to be honest and the ignorance in them really cracked me up so much that I almost cried. I'm all for free speech, but when people spread stupidity.. It makes me want to reach into my pants go back to our good old days of flinging poo at each other. Let me quote this verbatim so I don't break up the 'patriotism' of the message.
JOHN GLENN - WELL SAID
Things that make you think a little........
1. There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq during the month of January.....In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January. That's just one American city, about as deadly as the entire war torn country of Iraq
2. When some claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war, state the following ... FDR...led us into World War II. Germany never attacked us: Japan did. From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost, an average of 112,500 per year. Truman....finished that war and started one in Korea, North Korea never attacked us.From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost, an average of 18,334 per year. John F. Kennedy. ...started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us. Johnson....turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost, an average of 5,800 per year. Clinton...went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent, Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions.
3. In the two years since terrorists attacked us President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Libya, Iran and North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people. The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking, but...It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation. We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records. It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick killing a woman.
Wait, there's more.......................
Some people still don't understand why military personnel do what they do for a living. This exchange between Senators John Glenn and Senator Howard Metzenbaum is worth reading. Not only is it a pretty impressive impromptu speech, but it's also a good example of one man's explanation of why men and women in the armed services do what they do for a living. This is a typical, though sad, example of what some who have never served think of our military.
JOHN GLENN ON THE SENATE FLOOR
Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2004 11:13
Senator Howard Metzenbaum to Senator Glenn: "How can you run for Senate when you've never held a real job?" Senator Glenn: "I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps. I served through two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by anti-aircraft fire on 12 different occasions. I was in the space program.
It wasn't my checkbook, Howard; it was my life on the line. It was not a nine-to-five job, where I took time off to take the daily cash receipts to the bank. I ask you to go with me ... as I went the other day... to a veteran's hospital and look those men - with their mangled bodies - in the eye, and tell THEM they didn't hold a job!
You go with me to the Space Program at NASA and go, as I have gone, to the widows and orphans of Ed White, Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee... and you look those kids in the eye and tell them that their Dads didn't hold a job.You go with me on Memorial Day and you stand in Arlington National Cemetery, where I have more friends buried than I'd like to remember, and you watch those waving flags.
You stand there, and you think about this nation, and you tell ME that those people didn't have a job? I'll tell you, Howard Metzenbaum; you should be on your knees every day of your life thanking God that there were some men - SOME MEN - who held REAL jobs. And they required a dedication to a purpose - and a love of country and a dedication to duty - that was more important than life itself. And their self-sacrifice is what made this country possible.
I HAVE held a job, Howard! What about you?"
NOTE: For those who don't remember - During W.W.II, Howard Metzenbaum was an attorney representing the Communist Party in the USA
If you can read this, thank a teacher.... If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.
holy shit that was terrible. Do you REALLY need me to point out all the inaccuracies and bullshit listed in this thing? Are we really this stupid to believe what he said was the LEAST bit true? Who the hell does John Glenn's research? I can't even blame John for this. He was making an argument and sometimes you blow up your argument to make it sound better. I can deal with that. But the fact that people still send this out and wobble off their dale earnhardt seats to salute just boggles me.
Ahh.. where do I start? 39 combat related killings in Iraq during the month of January.....In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January. ok, comparing war torn country deaths (also did you notice 'combat' killings?) and people dying while living their regular lives are terrible comparisons. You can go back and compare deaths from times when were in peacetime does NOT mean it's ok for our soldiers to die in a bullshit war in another fucking country.
secondly "When some claim President Bush shouldn't have started this war, state the following ... FDR...led us into World War II. Germany never attacked us: Japan did. Err.. not sure how many of you remember history, but Japan and Germany were on the SAME SIDE. Waaaaaaay different from thinking Osama and Sadaam were even close to being allies. There was a little thing we called "the axis of evil" which included Japan and Germany who aided each other in WWII.
From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost, an average of 112,500 per year. Truman....finished that war and started one in Korea, North Korea never attacked us.From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost, an average of 18,334 per year. John F. Kennedy. ...started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us. Johnson....turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost, an average of 5,800 per year. Clinton...went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent, Bosnia never attacked us. Any war is a bad idea. However, these wars were NOT started under false pretenses. The American public knew EXACTLY why were going to war with these countries. This allowed people to protest our REASONS for the war. Anyone know why we went to war with Iraq in 1990 with George Sr as president? Anyone remember the reason we attacked Saddam? WMD's? Errr... freeedom? Err... why are we there again?
He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions. "Who was offered Osama? Clinton? Didn't we already defeat Saddam as well back with Desert Storm? I believe George Sr was in charge then, we bombed Iraq, then let Saddam go. Osama attacked us multiple times? Please name the time and dates and WHO was president at these times... could you also mention who's been president for the last 6 years and ..all the... I don't know.. PROGRESS he's made getting Osama? Must I play the clip where Dubya says "we will catch those responsible".
In the two years since terrorists attacked us President Bush has liberated two countries, Could you name one? I don't see anyone liberated? I see war torn destruction and people who would rather have saddam back because at least there was order. crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, You mean the people we still get videotapes from and the ones bombing london subways? I guess it's a loose definition of "crushed" and "crippled". put nuclear inspectors in Libya, Iran and North Korea without firing a shot, Kim Jong Il (Korea) has allowed inspectors? Wait? What? When did this happen? and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people. (should I say.. again? There are more countries that need to be liberated and more tyrants who are killing their people daily. Anyone heard of that little place callled africa? Oh yeah.. no oil, who gives a shit about "liberating" those people. The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking, but...It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. Take Iraq? The place the just passed 2,000 dead soldiers? Well, it's a good thing we TOOK it. Things are much better now. That was a 51-day operation. We've been looking for evidence of chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records. And luckily we found all these weapons of mass.. huh? We didn't find anything? Well, it's a good thing we sent troops dying so we could just look around a bit. It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick killing a woman. I'd hate to be the one to tell the Marines (those guys are tough fuckers) that the Republican Guard is still operating and firing on American Troops on a daily basis. But it makes a good argument to just TELL people all this stuff happened. Even though the only place it happened is on the comic books Dubya has drawn for him daily.
And lastly, the statement the Senator makes to Glenn: "How can you run for Senate when you've never held a real job?" Senator Glenn: "I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps. I served through two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by anti-aircraft fire on 12 different occasions. I was in the space program. I've known a lot of smart capable bastards go into the armed forces and be great leaders of men and politics. I've also known knuckle dragging mouth breathers enter the army because that was the only career opportunity available to them besides sniffing paint behind 7-11. I hear that job doesn't pay much but gets you a lot of free paint. I'm not sure what being hit by anti-aircraft fire has to do with holding a real job. I've got friend who were fired upon in drivebys and I wouldn't hire them to hold my 'garage sale today" sign. I'm hoping the Senator was questioning his ability to be a senator and not just the 'first to take a bullet'. I would hope being a senator requires more education and experience than that.
E-mails like this get circulated as truth and most of the time they are filled with inaccuracies and straight out propoganda. I get anti-bush ones that I love, but most of them are exaggerations and skirts of truth. It's fine to be patriotic and all, it's not okay to be a blind flag-waving sheep. Sorry this was so long today.
October 25rd, 2005
Today I felt like being generous and helping you all out with some stuff I've learned from my years being a computer geek. I'm not an ultra-nerd so I'm sure someone can come along and tell me why I'm wrong and the 4,000 reasons, but allow me to keep it basic before I start mailing out mass copies of Ubuntu's linux release.
First and foremost; STOP USING INTERNET EXPLORER TO SURF! it full of security holes and viruses. It's used by over 98% of the world and that's why it's such a popular target. I wholly suggest you use Maxthon or Firefox. Both feature tabbed browsing (something that will be included in windows next OS upgrade). Go to the sites and download maxthon or firefox to do your internetting. PUH LEEEEZE. (this means you mom and dad)
#2 should be obvious. Get a spyware cleaner. Get more than one because the signatures change so often it's hard to keep up. I suggest Microsoft's Anti-spyware, (normally I wouldn't suggest an MS product but they bought this one from a good company so it actually works. Then get Spybot Search and Destroy. And Lavavsoft's Ad-aware. I should also suggest Hijack This! because it does a great job of cleaning stuff out of startup that's normally impossible to find. Please ask someone knowledgable before using hijack though.
Tip number...err... C or something. Get anti-Virus protection. If you're cheap like me, you can get Avast! or AVG. The best ones will cost you a yearly subscription. Symantec's Norton Antivirus or McAfee will make you buy their services. With the amount of crippling virii out there, I would suggest one of these over the other. Though they all work to a degree. Virus and spyware programmers can all get ass-cancer for all I care.
There's a few subjects I've been meaning to tackle recently but I don't have the time or brainpower to make sure my research is straight. If you haven't noticed I like to make informed rants. I did however learn something new. Do you know what the mascot is for Nebraska? It's the cornhuskers..right? Have you SEEN the actual Mascot on the sideline of a cornhusker game? It's a blond haired, backwards cap, overall wearing cornfed white boy. That's right, he's the whitest whitey white mascot on the planet. He looks like the kind of guy who graduated 6th grade and figured since that's all he could count to, that he was done. You know what's interesting about this? I've NEVER heard or seen ANYONE protest this mascot. You might say because it's not a race, it's a profession like 'the coyboys' or 'the aggies' and could be anyone. Yes, it could... so WHY is it this white, short-bus-riding nod to the aryan nation? Couldn't a cornhusker be black? Or Asian? Doesn't this mascot represent a STEREOTYPE of the your typical 'corn-fed white boy'? This isn't exactly a POSITIVE stereotype either. I know if I was a cornhusker I wouldn't want people thinking ALL cornhuskers looked like a retarded charlie brown. But you know why this doesn't make the news? Because we all KNOW it's just a FUCKING MASCOT! It doesn't offend, demean or honor ANYTHING. It's a mascot for your team colors or logos. For fucks sake people where does it all end? Who will stand up for the white sox or Conquistadors, or even the DONS? (yes, Dons is a real mascot).
That's about all I have to say. For now, just check out this cool comic that I thought was appropriate courtesy of PVP online
October 21st, 2005
The largest collection of Baby Ronin Pictures to date. HERE.
October 20nd, 2005
I was doing a little research on my web site statistics and found some referrers and traffic numbers. I'm really not any sort of important person online, but I am content in the fact that a few friends and family occasionally check in. Some of them I have linked over there and have sent people my way. There's Tenderfoot and Mikey. They've always been close to my internet sleeves. I just stumbled upon xixutem. She's got a site you should all read as she's a smart informed person up in canadaland.
Last month was a pretty busy month. I wanted to thank the loyal people who care what I have to say. I'm sure most of them were my family waiting to see the new baby pics. There are more to show, but I've seen website that were sickly inundated with pictures of their little zombie kid that I was afraid to do that to.. well. anyone.
More insights from being a dad:
- 3 week olds aren't much for conversation. Maybe those stares mean shut the fuck up I'm trying to sleep here.
- I'm thinking of renaming him "Squeeks" because of all the noises he makes in his sleep.
- In the middle of the night, I sometimes forget and wonder who's killing a giraffe in my bedroom.
- We may have had a vampire. He enjoys being wide awake at night
- Never, ever go anywhere without his bink
Now to address more things people ask me and their universal answer.
The Question? "Where's the baby pics?"
The pictures are in my POCKET. Asking a computer nerd like me where a hard copy of pictures is like asking me to use a typewriter and white-out. I have hundreds of shots on my digital camera. Sure, I COULD take them into any photo devoloping place and get the 'printed'. but why? I have them all right here. If I want to see a bigger version I throw the pics on my hard drive and view them on 18.1" LCD goodness. But OTHER people want see pictures? Well, then get online and view them in their hugeness.
I don't understand why I would need a carry around pieces of paper to show people. All the people who want to see pics are SITTING IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER! If you want something to hold in your hand....then YOU PAY FOR IT. This might sound a little angry coming from someone who just 'wants to see your baby' but dammit people I don't understand why I'm REQUIRED to have hardcopies. If you don't happen to have a computer, you're welcome to view the pics on my digital camera that I have in my pocket. They've been carried around for weeks now and no damage has been done to them. Had I had ACTUAL pictures, they would be inevitably destroyed and I would be annoyed from carrying around a stack of fucking papers!
Maybe I just didn't get enough sleep last night and need to vent some anger. Then again, probably not.
October 13st, 2005
There are so many things to say and start with. I have no idea where to start. Basics first: Name: Ronin Dodge Vicenti. (It wasn't my first pick of names, but he really didn't LOOK like the other name. I tried and tried but it didn't really fit him) Born: Sept 28th, 2005 at 2:55pm (he's a Libra like his daddy) Height: 20 1/4 inches (50th percentile, pretty normal) Weight: 9lbs 14oz's. (95th percentile, heavy little guy) Hair; Yes, lots of it, Black Eyes: Dark Brown Skin: Reddish brown. Other: Big hands and Big feet. His little feet stamps barely fit on the square stickers they send home.
Guess I should thank people for all the gifts and free stuff they gave us over the last few months. We've used up all the free stuff and played with all the toys. Ronin seems to enjoy most of the things that play music but his little eyes haven't quite figured out what those shapes are moving in front of him are, (hint, it's mom and dad).
When the little guy first entered the big bad world full of Halliburtons and Enrons he looked purple. Not like a purplelish tint or sorta purple like, I mean PURPLE. Full on grimace-fights-barney-in grape jello-purple. But unless my girl had a late night trist in the back of a mcdonalds with a dinosaur and thing that loks like a ice cream scoop, this little purple guy was normal. He turned red after all the crying and believe me, the little guy could cry. Which the nurses tell me is a good thing. It's easy to be annoyed at nurses and other people when you're in that situation as well. I had to hold back my normal snarky comments in the name of good will and peace towards our new babysitters.
I'd also like to point out that at no time did I get filled with "sudden enlightenment" or a "warm feeling of Angel pee ". I was however amazed that something like that could ACTUALLY happen. I know it does happen on a daily basis, but actually SEEING it is indescribable. So i won't even try. To be honest though, I didn't watch DIRECTLY, I was afraid my manhood would be at risk if I was unable to overcome such an awesome event.
I've had my 2 weeks off and here are a few things that I've learned/experienced/need to share
- Babies poo black tar stuff called meconium after they're first born. I thought we struck oil when he filled his diaper. (who else hears the theme to the Beverly Hillbillies?)
- The nurses were calling him "Bubba" because of his size
- Big sister likes to call him "Butters" and we have no idea why
- I've managed to stop him from peeing on me, peeing on himself is another matter.
- Babies fall asleep in .0000565 seconds. It takes me about 20 minutes, which is when he decides on waking again.
- He hates being cold and doesn't like being naked. Proof that he's not ALL indian. Weren't we all naked back in the day? Maybe I just need to get him a little loincloth. Which right now would be a post-it.
It's hard to capture all this stuff in one writing so this will have to be a work in progress. We're following the normal Apache Traditions as he's already been stretched during the first lightning storm and his umbilical cord was buried under a new tree. Now we just have to wait for him to start talking so grandma can cut his hair. Just wanted to update everyone who wasn't in the know.
This is all I'm doing today. I'm tired. Man, this having a baby thing is tiring. Mom's just do all the easy stuff, like.. carryin him for a measly nine months and pushin him out.... hehehehhe.
September 26nd, 2005
My birthday came and went. I got some more cool presents. Now I have more x-box to play and more money to spend. I got some food and had just a perfect day kicking back, watching football. My girl got me a cool movie theater thing where they bring you the food in a small theater. I'm excited to go. I hope some better movies come out soon so we can enjoy a good flick when we go. Just in case none of you know, or...knew, I'll be out for a few days starting on Wednesday the 28th. That day is scheduled to change Snapmouse's life forever. My hands get all tingly like when you stand close to the edge a building. There might be a rail there and you can see the bottom a few stories down, but in the back of head you hear a little voice. It says "wind can push you over, what will you do then?"
I can hear it whispering to me. And it makes my brain light, my blood stiff and my lungs forget their job. It's an odd feeling. Maybe this is what excitement is. Maybe this is fear. Maybe I had too much cheese last night.
My sister called me last night and she was.. well.... you know when you feel like twisting someone's nipple off with their own teeth? Well, she felt like that. Her anger was affecting her articulation skills. She told me in so many grunts and growls that her teacher said, "ethics is tied to religion". I then understood her indignation and added a few growls of my own.
Had he said something along the lines of "a person's religious beliefs can dictate their own ethics." then I wouldn't feel like someone shoved play-dough in my head and made me the president of the United States. He said Religion is Ethics. This is so biased and misinformed I'm wondering how they allowed him to teach anything! I wouldn't let him teach the color wheel to dogs. (Btw, dogs only see in b&w). If we were to take his moronic statement as fact, then the 9/11 bombers were totally justified! Well, they weren't Christians? So Christians ethical beliefs are COMPLETELY right? Don't get me started on all the things the Christian nutjobs have gotten us into. (Disclaimer: I'm not talking about people who believe in Jesus, I'm talking about the people who quote from the bible and take it as set in stone, my interpretation or the highway people). Don't forget the little things like the Civil war. The silent consent of slavery. The attempted genocide of native americans.
In case you didn't read your history books (or spent most of the time giggling in sex ed class), the people who first settled this country were Christians. I use the word "settled" lightly as there were already people living here. History tell us that Missionaries were the first to try to 'teach' Indians the way of Jesus Christ. They were also the ones who forced Indians to cut their hair, didn't allow them to speak in their native tongue or even live the lifestyle they wanted! It was the Christian right who did this and it was the American Army who enforced it. And you wonder why separating church from state is a good idea? Consider me Exhibit A. But I digress.
Religion is based on simple principles of reward and punishment. You be a good person and don't break any of Bob's ten rules, then you get to hang out with supermodels in the clouds eating pudding or something. There are more than just bob's ten rules though. There are MANY more people have attempted to "interpret" into the bible. Don't get me wrong, I like the bible. There are cool stories about being a good, faithful, loyal courageous person. These stories are also in Dr. Suess and Curious George books. Though the bible has more stories of kings killing virgins and cutting babies in half.. and those were the GOOD guys!
Blatantly tying ethics to religion requires this reward/punishment dichotomy. If I don't rob all my partners, then I'll go to heaven. Great.. if you believe it. But it's not altruistic. You're STILL looking to be rewarded somehow. What happened to just being good for the sake of being decent? Why do I need to pay you off for your nice deed? Or even of your NOT so EVIL deed? How about you just forget what you know about Jesus and his papa and ask yourself.. will I continue to be a good person even if it means NOTHING when I die? Or will you become Dick Chene...err.. Asshole number #1? Wouldn't THAT be a better litmus test of one's personality?
If religion is ethics, then Hitler was right. Osama is right and Mormons are laughing at all of us. Muslims have different belief structures. Mormons have different beliefs and Buddhists, well, Buddhists are just cool as shit I don't care what you say. There are too many things in Christianity that's left up to interpretation. TOo many people forcing their interpretation on others (Roe vs. Wade anyone?). And waaaay too many people in positions of supposed power with the soapbox to do this. The problem really isn't with the person or the power? it's us. Yep, you and me. People driving in that car next to you hear this crap and say "oh yeah, you're right".
That's what keeps me awake at night. Well, that................................. and a soon to be noisy baby.
September 23th, 2005
Well, the due date came and went. He's now one day past due. It might be a sign that he'll never be on time. Snapmouse was early when he came out, so looks like this kid already got a camp made in there and doesn't want to leave. Believe me buddy, I feel ya. This world is a scary place that I'd delay entering for a while. But you can't stay in there much longer young man!
Now that the parenting is over, let's get on with it. Following are more personal reasons as to why Dubya is an asshat of huge proportions. You can read the link references if you'd like, I'm taking out the parts I find relevant. I'll try to keep it brief and angry.
Example 1:Backwards thinking of Minorities "At the undergraduate level," said Bush, "African-American students and some Hispanic students and Native American students receive 20 points out of a maximum of 150, not because of any academic achievement or life experience, but solely because they are African American, Hispanic or Native American."
If our President had the slightest sense of irony, he might have paused to ask himself, "Wait a minute. How did I get into Yale?" It wasn't because of any academic achievement: his high school record was ordinary. It wasn't because of his life experience--prosperous family, fancy prep school--which was all too familiar at Yale. It wasn't his SAT scores: 566 verbal and 640 math.Link
Example 2: Bush Doesn't Care about Indian People
"The fact that Bush preempted his vacation to say something about Ms. Schiavo and here you have 10 native people gunned down and he can't take time to speak is very telling," said David Wilkins, interim chairman of the Department of American Indian Studies..."He has not been real visible in Indian country," said former senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell (R-Colo.). "He's got a lot of irons in the fire, but this is important."
Even more alarming than Bush's silence, he said, is the president's proposal to cut $100 million from several Indian programs next year. "I don't feel he cares about the American Indian people," said Westbrook, as she collected donations of gas cards and money to enable fellow Red Lake members to make the 260-mile journey to the reservation. "Why hasn't he made any statements about what happened with this shooting?" Link
Example 3: Bush's Agenda leaves the little guy behind
WASHINGTON - President Bush's budget will propose slashing grants to local law enforcement agencies and cutting spending for environmental protection, American Indian schools and home-heating aid for the poor, The Associated Press learned Saturday.
The Bureau of Indians Affairs would be sliced by $100 million to $2.2 billion. The reduction would come almost entirely from the agency's effort to build more schools. Link
Example 4: Bush has been an asshole for a LOOOOONG time
"My view is that state law reigns supreme when it comes to the Indians, whether it be gambling or any other issue," Bush said earlier this fall during a Syracuse, N.Y., fund-raiser.
Indian tribes should be subject to state law, says Republican presidential candidate and Texas Governor George W. Bush. Either ignorant or unmindful of hundreds of years of treaties, the U.S. Constitution and several Supreme Court decisions, Bush denied the sovereign status of Indian nations.
Tribal leaders were incredulous. "[Only] the federal government has the authority," said Mark Emery, a spokesman for the Oneida Indian Nation.
--from Native American Report, Vol.4, No.20
"For a presidential candidate to say that state law reigns supreme when it comes to Indians, it's obvious he fell asleep in history at school and really doesn't know the issue at all," Carr said. "For him to say that in New York, or any other state where there are sovereign nations within their borders, is insulting." Some tribal leaders called it an insult that Bush would seem to overlook numerous treaties and years of court rulings and executive orders affording tribes the status of sovereign governments. LinkLink2
Example 5: George Bush DOESN'T CARE ABOUT NATIVE AMERICANS!
As Governor:
"What George Bush has done is maintain the tradition in Texas: "You run (Indians) out or you kill them," said Tom Diamond, the Tiguas' attorney. "He must be taken very seriously."
Bush as governor has consistently disregarded tribal sovereignty with the Tiguas, said Diamond, a former Democratic county chairman.
The Kickapoo Traditional Tribe of Texas has maintained a more cordial relationship with the governor, but Kickapoo Council Rep. Isidro Garza Jr. said the tribe hasn't benefited from it.
"The governor has not hurt us, but he hasn't helped us. I don't think he understands the plight of the Native Americans," said Garza, a Democrat running for Congress in 2000. "He should start by setting an example in Texas."
As President:
Commission reports document that the President has not effectively used the stature of his office to speak out on ending discrimination against Native Americans. Nor has he engaged in a consistent effort to alleviate their problems. He has not applied resources to improving conditions or adequately funded programs that serve Native peoples. For example:
• President Bush has not requested sufficient funding for tribal colleges and universities, has proposed terminating $1.5 billion in funding for education programs that benefit Native Americans, and has not provided adequate resources to meet NCLB goals that apply to Indian Country.
• For 2004, the administration requested $3.6 billion for the Indian Health Service, the primary provider of Native American health care. This falls far short of the $19.4 billion in unmet health needs in Native communities.
• President Bush’s budget requests for housing programs have not approached the $1 billion required to meet the demand, and consequently, Native Americans have an immediate need for 210,000 housing units.
• In 2003, President Bush terminated funding for critical law enforcement programs, including the Tribal Drug Court Program. Experts agree that problems with the criminal justice system in Indian Country are serious and understated. Lost the Link
I know a lot of people are going to say, "yeah, but what did Clinton do? Was it any better when he was in office? Well.. yeah, if you'd like I could dig up references to Clinton actually re-energizing National Native American History Month. President Clinton appointed six Hispanics to Cabinet positions and numerous Native Americans to high-ranking posts. How many does Bush have? None.. that's right. Big donut Zero. When Clinton was president I did some digging and found "The president said he (Clinton) keeps traditional Native American artifacts - drums, eagle feathers, a tobacco pouch - in his office as a reminder of ``my solemn obligation'' to address their needs. He recalled reading, as a child, the words of Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce: ``From this day, I will fight no more forever.''
``You made that pledge and you got a bad deal,'' Clinton said. ``The deal never worked out in a way that was fair to both sides and honorable.''
In closing I'd like to say I cannot understand why any native american would support Bush. Most politicians are all talk. Bush has been no talk, no walk. So before I organize a march on washington with my fellow brethren, I'd like to say, Fuck Bush. Fuck him in his stupid ear, I hope he gets a Yeast infection. Thank you, good night.
September 19nd, 2005
Ya know, I coulda swore everyone knew I hated Dubya. I thought I had a long inciteful rant about what, where and why I hated him. I can't seem to find it in my archives. I've obviously only told random people walking down the street instead of posting it here. So to re-iterate another dead point. I'm a native american who hates George W. Bush.
I've hated him since before it was cool. I hated him before he was born. I wanted to kick George Sr. in the coin bag just so he couldn't produce such an offspring. I operated under the hope the Barbara bush was so severely beaten with that stick we call ugly that her chances of getting laid were worse than that fat kid from American Idol. (pick one, it doesn't matter). But alas, alcohol and momentary lapses of self-control lead to that demon spawn the world calls assho..err.. Dubya. Let me break down a few major points as to why YOU should think like me and join me in the hating of our leader in cheese.
MARK TRAHANT (a native journalist) once asked W: What do you think tribal sovereignty means in the 21st century and how do we resolve conflicts between tribes and the federal and state governments?
GEORGE BUSH: Tribal sovereignty means that, it's sovereign. You're a -- you're a -- you have been given sovereignty and you're viewed as a sovereign entity.
MARK TRAHANT: Okay.
Yes, first off. He's stupid. He wasn't ALWAYS dumb. You can't be stupid and rise along political arenas like he has, but when you watch him talk with all his "umms" and "wells" it sounds like a valley girl who huffed too many paint cans in the 80's. For some reason, the older he gets, the worse he gets.
Back when he was governer of Texas he actually attempted to end a century worth of treaties with indian nations in Texas by stating decisions should be "left up to the state". So for the record, let me say this one more time. I hate George Walker Bush. I don't understand why ANY native americans would agree with his policies. Stay tuned, the next few days will be filled with more information and facts cementing my stance on Dubya's asshattery.
For now, check out the Katrina Timeline of Bush's where-abouts during the New Orleans crisis. Unlike most bullshit e-mails and rants from random people (myself included), this one actually contains REFERENCES from actual sources like REUTERS, BBS, Wall Street Journal and OMG Fox!
September 14st, 2005
I haven't been exactly sure recently what do with this site. I wanted to take a break from hating on Dubya and most of it is just therapuetic rants to help myself get anger out of my system since I can't play much basketball and softball isn't on the horizon. I always took out my frustrations on a little white ball or a medium brown one. It just hasn't been working as well since I moved off the rez. So this site had had it's ups and downs.. mostly downs. But with my new kid on the way (sounds like I ordered a new hard drive or something) I've been getting more and more thoughts of being this "father figure". I only put that in quotes because I'm really the Father. So, well, I'm hoping to be a FIGURE of some sort in this kid's life.
Right now my girl is in the last few weeks of baby-cooking. She's uncomfortable, hot and can't sleep well. She still looks GREAT but tells me how it feels.
Unfortunately, I'm. a. guy. I do 2 things when I'm given a problem. either a.) fix it. Or 2.) empathize to understand the same thing. At this point in time. I can do NEITHER. I can't FIX anything here. I can't say shit like "I know how you feel". Or "it was rough for me too". nOnONO! I just have to shrug my shoulders and smile. I would say I'm sorry, but... really, what would that accomplish since.. I'm not. ha!
Before I end this short post for today. I hate to keep going back to this. But I KEEP coming across it. It's like the homeless guy who keeps telling you needs some change to put gas in his car. Even though there's no car in site. You know what I mean. This article come from here.
It's about the coach over at Haskell. He's about the same age as me and he talks about how he does NOT like Native Mascots. Here are some lines that stand out to me. "“In 99 percent of the cases, I’m offended,” he said. “They say they’re honoring Native Americans with those nicknames, but there are plenty of other ways to honor them.”
There are plenty of ways to honor LOTS of things. I don't see ANY indians honoring any OTHER races. I don't know why we feel that we DESERVE some special honoring from these schools who only thought the mascots were cool. They're not honoring cougars, or panthers or even gophers. They LIKE them. That's why they PICKED them. Moron.
He is particularly offended, he says, by Chief Wahoo, the Cleveland Indians’ caricature.
“It’s so typical with the large nose, the big grin and the one feather,” Brock said. “The majority of kids on our team don’t look anything like that picture.”
I'm pretty sure there aren't any irish people who look like the little guy on the "fighting Irish" cartoon. Do you HONESTLY believe that people in this country (or anywhere for that matter) REALLY think indians look like a cartoon? I've seen LOTS of drawings of white people, black people and bunnies. I've NEVER seen a bunny walk on 2 legs and eat a carrot while talking. How delicate is your sense of self-worth that a CARTOON can hurt your feelings? WTF people? really.
When I asked him which mascot offended him the most, Brock didn’t hesitate. Chief Illiniwek. Like many others, Brock believes the Illinois University mascot burlesques Native American religion.
Err.. thanks for expanding there. What do they do? What causes this "burlesque"? What's the problem here? Can I please get an explanation? Just saying shit doesn't make it true. If I listened to random sentences like this I'd have to believe Bill O'reilly or Dick Cheney. I'd rather have my face eaten from the inside by rats before I allowed that shit to happen.
Even the Kansas City Chiefs have taken a step backward in Brock’s opinion.
“I’m a Chiefs fan, always have been,” he said. “The Chiefs never offended me until I saw a picture that had them dressed in (Native American) regalia.”
Who told the chiefs to dress that way? Think it was some marketing doof who didn't know any better? Did you know the cheifs weren't really named after indians? That's another rant. But REALLy I agree with him on this. Why would you DRESS UP as an indian? What does that have to do with you as a football player? I can understand you being a CHIEF and wanting to kick some ass and maybe even "hurt whitey" (hahahaha), but dressing like an indian? Umm.. stop that. It's dumb. Not offensive, just.. retarded. Maybe when the "Bears" wear bear suits or the "Ghosts" commit ritual suicide, I may understand it.
On an ending note. I'd like halloween places to stop selling adult-sized indian "costumes". First off, it's NOT a costume. Indians don't put on a costume to scare children and beat up hobos. We wear that stuff for a REASON. I honestly think it's cute when little kids want to dress as an indian because they enjoy playing dress up. An adult however should be able to tell the difference between "dressing up" and "wearing sacred traditional outfits". It's one of the small beefs I have. It's not going to change, but speaking from this indian's left brain. Knock it off.
September 6nth, 2005
This Hurricane really tore the US a new one. If you want some good info, please check out Mangoat.net or some of these links. I'm tempted to quote some of my favorite lines and arguments, but just searching online you'll see how badly the administration dropped the ball on this one. I'm not even going to argue about the size of this catastrophe or the overall scope of of how hard it must be to organize relief. I'm just going to let you all figure it out for yourself. How long did it take to get troops in? How many people died? How many people were told to go somewhere and then left stranded? Go find out. It's .. for lack of a better term... horrifendous.
This whole thing has to get my spin on it. The kind of perspective only a goofy Apache could give. First off, I've heard people say "well they were TOLD to evacuate, it was a MANDATORY evacuation". Well, true, but, if you don't have a car and $20 in your bank account, where are you supposed to go? Just get out and start walking and just HOPE you'll get out in time with your 2 kids and all the posessions you could carry? Where would YOU go? Your parents? Do they live in the same city? State? Are your parents even alive? A LOT, LOT of these people had nowhere to go and no way to get there. If people were told to get off the reservation because of something like this, there would be a LARGE percentage that have no place to go. Sure, some could get a room in another town for a few days.. maybe, but what about a month? Do you know any indians you'd be willing to put up in your house for a month or 2?
"well, what about the superdome?"
You mean the one that was so full they started turning people away and sent to municipal stadium? That one? The one that was accessible to news crews but NOT to military for some reason? You know that municipal place? The one the director of FEMA KNEW NOTHING ABOUT?!?! What about the people who were bed ridden? Handicapped? Diabetic? Who gave a shit about them?
"They got in as quickly as they could"
Have you ever made a 911 call from the hood? You know how they joke about how the cops take forever to get there because they don't care about 'anotha nigga dead'? This was the same thing on an epic scale. This cat 5 cane was scheduled to hit and hit hard. There was (as I mentioned earlier) a MANDATORY evacuation. Everyone knew this was going to hurt. When it bitch-slapped the coast, it took our military forces 5 days, let me say that again 5 DAYS to get in there and pull people out. We have the largest, strongest, bestest ever in the world military. Our president was STILL ON VACATION when this was happening. Don't believe me? Look it up. The red cross was in there trying to help the next day. They were being ATTACKED by people who needed food and supplies. Some officers quit because they could no longer keep the peace and their lives were in danger. I'm sure they were sitting there fully armed thinking, "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE ARMY?" and you know who was there? The salvation ARMY!
I just hope people realize how badly so many levels of government screwed the pooch on this one. I hope it goes all the way up to our head leader in charge. The doofus himself. And just to depress, enrage and just plain prove how stupid the american people were for voting in "w".... Halliburton recieved contract to clean up New Orleans.
Fuck this administration, I'm moving to canada.
August 30rd, 2005
Every freakin day I come across something that I swear is the most annoying thing ever. And then, as my co-worker says "the phone rings". I've been trying to keep a tally of things that people do or say that just make me want to bomb the earth with a big fucking ball of trash. Today was not one of those days. Most times when I read online I see all these "blogs" that are political or helpful. Mine is neither. Mine is the lunatic rants of an indian boy let loose upon these united states of embarrasment. My latest beef? well...
Cartoons. Yes, that's right. Fucking car... tooons. Drawn images on pieces of paper put together in a contiguous fashion as to present the illusion of movement. I don't know if any of you know this or even remember it. But there was a movie called "song of the South". It was about a little rabbit who lived in a briar patch. Brer Rabbit was only the protaganist. The plot revolved around a little white kid being told stories of this rabbit from Uncle Remus. There was also a little black kid who befriended the white one. This was all set back on a plantation in the days of slavery.
This cartoon... has been banned. Thanks for doing the research for me snopes.
Why? Well, I'm not REALLY sure. I'm sure the very notion of slavery offended SOMEONE, but I'm not sure who. Black people know it happened, white people know it happened. Hell, we ALL know it happened. Blacks are STILL trying to get paid from that shit. So umm... slavery is why it's no longer being sold? Hmmm.. This is one the reasons given by a "folklorist". (how does one get such a job anyway?) Toby is curiously absent from the party scenes. Toby is good enough to catch frogs with, but not good enough to have birthday cake with.
so they don't like the way the lil black kid is treated huh? How about some other interesting banned cartoons? How about Bugs bunny taking on the nazi regime? Or Donald Duck reading (gasp) communist literature!
honestly, what the duck was he thinking? (get it?). if you've never seen this scene then you're living in what I like to call "pussified america". We WERE at war with the germans. We tried to propogandize the good and evil in the war. Why? Because it's a WAR! We also found a way to inject humor into the most harrowing of subjects. (Kind of like when you get dumped and your friends laugh at you for crying and ask to see your vagina.)
It's the way a LOT of people deal with bad situations. But NOT anymore. Now were so sensitized that this stuff "should no longer be viewed by kids".
American cartoons have villified and stereotyped EVERY single race and religion. I can't think of anyone who hasn't been stereotyped in a cartoon at one point or another. How about this pretty picture?
That's right, we used to pick on the Japanese and vietnamese as well. These images are no longer allowed over our precious airwaves. (if only the could do something about Ashlee Simpson).
I'm assuming the large teeth, squinty eyes and disheveled appearance meant the guy to the right here was up to no good. Because it portrayed a race in a negative light, guess what happened to this cartoon? BAMN!.. wait.. I mean BANNED!
You what the kids are missing? Speedy motherfucking Gonzalez. I have relatives named Gonzalez. They loved that little mouse. who? ahh..you kids today.
Well, have any of you out there in pretend-land ever seen Peter Pan? Well, of course you have. If you remember ANYTHING about Peter Pan you'll remember the indians in it. Yup, REAL life indians... well.. not REAL but.. you get where I'm going with this. His name was conveniently enough. "big Chief" he even had a best selling record at the time. "what made the red man red".
The chief didn't speak good english (Geronimo actually spoke several languages). The chief was easily fooled by the little Pan. None of the other male indians spoke or for that matter, Wore a fucking shirt! Sounds like a pretty negative stereotype to me.... this cartoon. NOT BANNED! WTF? It's okay to stereotype indians but not communists? At least Commies have a CHOICE!
Now.. am I saying this cartoon SHOULD be banned? haven't you been listening?
HELL NO! None of them should. THey should all be released. They were made at different times in history. You know.. HISTORY. THe shit that happened before you started paying attention? There are also terrible inconsistencies in what's viewable and what's not. Why this one and not the other? WTF is wrong with Song of the South? I know a 5 year old who thought Uncle Remus was the coolest guy ever and Brer Rabbit was crafty motherfucker (where do kids learn this stuff?).
America needs to take off it's diapers and start admitting that we fucked up a few times. We enslaved Blacks, Attempted Genocide on Indians and killed Uncle Remus. Ignoring our history and trying to "play nice" is one of the things that are BAD for this country. Good friends and family will tell you the truth. We can't keep it hidden under the rug or the temptation to peek will drive us all crazy. Case in point.. this picture.
What the fuck people? I don't know if you thought this was cool or were trying to figure out a way to get your ass kicked. Let me give all you some free advice. DON'T DRESS LIKE AN INDIAN. The washington Redskins wear football helmets. The Atlanta Braves wear baseball caps and the only time indians dressed like this (well, not THIS) was for something TRADITIONAL. You're not allowed. And these people. They're no longer allowed to breathe. (Well, maybe the little girl cuz she kinda looks like a little serial killer with the hatchet).
August 19nd, 2005
ok, before I start, ya'll gotta read this. The Top 100 people allowed to carry a wallet that says "bad Motherfucker" on it. If you've seen Pulp Fiction as many times as I have, you MUST read this list. On to personal shit. If you already know or if you don't care about the mundane details of my livelihood, you can skip the rest of this paragraph and move on to the next. ..... still with me? ok.. whatever. I am now employed again. Seems as though my former employer realized they made a mistake and asked me back. Seeing as how I have a new house and a baby on the way, I figured I should make my best effort to be employed at the time. Ya think? So yeah. Snap. Job. Good.
While perusing the above list, the author made a quick reference to a comic book character named Groo and his similarities to our current president. If you don't know who groo is, here's a picture.
He's basically a barbarian moron in love with himself and cheese dip. Don't ask about the cheese dip, I can't explain it. In every issue Groo would do his best to help but his ever-loving stupidity just made things worse. Bear in mind, they never made things worse for HIM. Just for EVERYONE around him. Starting to sound a little more like our boy "dubya"?
He also thinks he's smart. He truly believes he can solve the problems he faces with his mind and when that doesn't work, as usual, he fires into full barbarian killing mode. I hate to admit that this guy beat me to the similarity. I remember this comic from back in the 80's and 90's and loved to read it. Groo was bad news to his whole universe. People would run screaming and shut their entire village down when they saw him. I'm sure after "Operation: Iraqi Freedom" that most countries will slam their doors and take the welcome mats away from the door when they see Georgie boy coming. In fact, I would bet this is a good example of what would happen.
Thanks GW for rushing into the rescue too late and for no good reason. Groo is a great embodiment of a strength and stupidity. He's at the top of both games. I wish I had my groo comics here so I could show more odd paralells between the leader of the US and this character. I've seen dubya compared to a monkey and multiple other inanimate objects (rocks, lamps, Al Gore) but this is the closest I've seen to a prophesy of George the second.
Groo has power but none of the smarts to wield it. He manages to hurt or main those he helps yet never gets injured himself. His little dog pal Rufferto thinks he's the greatest man that ever lived (you reading this Karl Rove?). At the end of every comic he almost learns a lesson, but mostly just leaves a wake of destruction and misery in his wake. If you want to see the economy in about 3 years, check out the back panel of any Groo comic. The death, pain and hemorraging should be easier to stomach in comic book form. Snapmouse is done. (all credit goes to Sergio Aragones for creating this brilliant comic.)
August 11rdth, 2005
Whoa, more big news in the Snapmouse world. But I'm not tellin anyone til monday. Have to get some confirmation and talk some stuff out first. I think it's good news. Especially with all the upcoming stuff.
There is an assload of shit in the news nowadays that I can rant and complain about, but there are SOO many blogs and tv shows that already do it for me. If you're curious about what I THINK you should be concerned about, you just have to NOT watch Fox News and pay attention to our elected president. This guy is still trying to get creationism (intelligent design) taught in schools. I have nothing against the theory, but teaching without evidence does not make it science. It makes it dangerous. "To teach faith as science is to undermine the very idea of science, which is the acquisition of new knowledge through hypothesis, experimentation and evidence." - Charles Krauthammer
Want more info? Read, This, THIS and This just for the funny
Also, the NCAA is going to ban the use of native american mascots in college schools. I don't know why the NCAA is taking the initiative on this because,... it's stupid. I don't care if Florida State is called the Seminoles. There's a High School out here in Missouri called "Indians". You know what? I like it. The more all you crying ass skins want to make a change the more I want to change MORE team names to native mascots. Before you get all huffy and puff daddy, let me put you in a situation where a bunch of "activists" must have NEVER thought of.
Imagine you're in the meeting to create a new team. In that meeting someone says "our team needs a mascot". Immediately people start thinking of things that are 'tough', 'intimidating', 'strong', 'cool', etc. Do you HONESTLY think Mr. Johnson in that meeting said
"hey, we should take this opportunity to RIDICULE and DISRESPECT those godamn indians! We'll put a logo on hats and tshirts and jackets and make sure everyone KNOWS we hate those fuckers."
"but mr johnson, why would we do all that just to make fun of a race?"
Mr J: "It would complete my life's dream to have a team called the braves just so they'll be sad and angry whenever we win. Those fuckin indians think they're all high and mighty...*grumble*"
"Mr Johnson, that sounds a little craz...hey, what are you doing? Stop that! What happened to your...HEY! why aren't you wearing pants? ... .SECURITY!".
ORRRRRR... did someone in that meeting think, "you know what's tough and mean and intimidating? Indians. Those Apaches were crazy and took on thousands of troops and didn't give up. The fighting Illini were tough fighters. Do you know how many soldiers they took out when they came into their land? Did you know Sitting Bull was arrested by 40 troops even though he was over 60 yrs old at the time? Man, that guy must've been a bad ass".
Call me crazy, but none of that sounds like a bad thing. If you told me my dad was an asskicker, I'd probably be proud. Am I proud that there's native mascots? Well.. sure. why not? It's just a symbol people respect. There are some things mascots should stay away from or slightly tweak, but dammit people, leave it alone.
The NCAA from this article states "At least 18 schools have mascots the NCAA deem "hostile or abusive," including Florida State's Seminole and Illinois' Fighting Illini. The full list of schools was not immediately released."
So the NCAA has DEEMED them hostile and abusive huh? Well, could I take this minute to decide what I DEEM to be hostile or abusive. (by the way, the school mascot was okay as long as there was a large percentage of natives at the school, but apparently having too many whiteys was a bad thing).
Snapmouse's List of Hostile and Abusive things.
George W. Bush
Dr. Phil
Jerry of Tom and Jerry
Ashlee Simpson
Bureau of Indian Affairs
Indian Health Services
Missouri Dept of Transportation (closing 2 main bridges into KC at the same time for construction!?!?)
Pop Stars getting acting Jobs
Actors releasing albums
State Gaming Commissions
There you go. That's just shit off the top of my head. Also, just like the NCAA, I will "encourage" all these asslickers to "educate their internal and external constituents on the understanding and awareness of the negative impact of hostile or abusive symbols, names and imagery, and to create a greater level of knowledge of Native American culture through outreach efforts and other means of communication"I honestly believe that if these people where actually educated in native culture, WE WOULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHAT'S ON YOUR SWEATER!!*&kjs9*(&KJnsd(lkc*k#%*pkjklsd8fsn sorry, this subject just makes me want to bang my head on the keyboard.
If you take the time to read this article from the NCAA itself it mentions all the schools they're asking to change, what REALLy bothers me is in this SAME article, at the very bottom, they threw in a little piece about how they're concerned about "the use of alcohol on our campuses and the abuse of it by our students and in society at large,". WHAT? How did that just HAPPEN to make it into the same page? Are you TRYING to say something? Is there something IMPLIED there? I think that's what we should be offended by. You know.. an actual NEGATIVE stereotype? Why am I the only one that's bothered by that? Where are my people? Am I the only one HERE? Hello? ... fuck.
August 5nd, 2005
Now that I'm unemployed (and can claim that James B Nutter and Company laid off
all people of native american descent), I've had more time on my hands. I've
been doing a little online shopping, searching and resume editing. The resume
editing has been the most time consuming and brain numbing. I do feel like
a loser though because my girl is making the bucks and I'm just hanging out
at home.
Really I wanted to let my friends and relatives know
that we're having a baby shower sometime soon so we've
registered. If you REALLy want to buy us stuff, you
can go to Target.Com and
click the gift registry link at the top. Or you can
check out BabiesRus.com and
... well, actually, I don't know how you check the
registry because that's thru amazon. The good thing
about the Babies R Us registry is you can purchase
online, have it wrapped and mailed. I'm really not
expecting much, so don't worry about getting us stuff.
Just wanted my friends and family to know. E-mail me
if you can't find the registry stuff. I've never shopped
for baby stuff before so it's been an experience.
That's about all I want to say about today. Think
I'm gonna go out to the baseball game or world's of
fun before Terrell heads back. I'll have some angry
ranting up again next week. stay cool.
July 30rd, 2005
Big news in the world of snapmouse. I am now an unemployed mouse. The company
I work for decided our IT dept was too heavy, so I have been "released
into the wild". The better news is, I finally got to see what my son
will look like. Now that was some cool shit. I'll have some pics for friends
and family up shortly. If anyone knows of a good high-paying iT job in the
Kansas city area. I'd love to hear about it. That is all, you may return
to your "jobs" which I am now jealous of.
July 28st, 2005
I've been saying this for years and today I happened to see some audio book
on someone's desk starring everyone's favorite roll-on lookalike, Dr. Phil
McGraw. I can't tell you how much I hate this guy. He's the female version
of Bill O'reilly. If there was one person I would like to kick in the crotch
wagon, it would be him.
Obviously I've never met the guy so he might be cool
to drink a beer with, though, I seriously doubt his
oversized head would fit into any establishment that
might serve beer. I have NEVER, EVER heard him side
with any male on his show. I've have NEVER heard him
say ANYTHING inciteful or brilliant. I've watched this "man" become
famous by using cliche's and preying on the emotionally
retarded. He's Jerry Springer with a big vocabulary.
He's Ricky Lake without the Penis. If you ever see
his book, (when you're in a bookstore preferably) read
the back jacket. It will have a list of "10 things
to be successful, or rich or a dragon".. something
like that. One of the sayings on there was..
"there are those who get it, and those who dont. Be one who gets it"
Gee Dr. Phil, you just resolved 90% of my problems.
Apparently, I wasn't GETTING IT! I've love for his
bald head to GET a hammer thru his cortex. There are
soundboards on the internet available for people to
listen and re-read this guys obvious genius. Things
like "search your heart" and "You're
going to get real about fat, or you're going to get
real fat". Would someone PLEASE point out to me
where this guy has said something USEFUL. DO fat people
not know they're fat? It's like telling a guy who missed
a ball, "hey, you shoulda caught that ball".
Well, NO Fucking shit. If you were to tell your teammates "you
were supposed to make the ball go in the hoop" after
every miss, they'll tie your testicles to your ears
and make you walk home.
It's just a bug that this fucknut is famous for telling
fucked up people what the rest of us already know.
I didn't know there was a market to tell people how
far down the evolutionary ladder they are. I've been
doing it for years! Sometimes I would even yell people's
problems to them while they're walking down the street.
Let's see Dr McGraw pull that one off. Nobody bought
my book or asked me to go on Oprah. Dr. Phil is actually
a dr in psychology. He has the classical training of
all psychologists. He also has a great publicist because
he has more money than me and probably a bigger house.
So am I jealous of him so you all write this off as
an "I wish I WAS dr phil and must secretely like
him" rant? You can write it off as whatever the
hell you want. I'm not here to solve your issues, just
to point them out. Because "recognizing the problem
is the only way to solve them". Thanks again Doc.
If I remember correctly that was written on a napkin
I got for free in a bar somewhere.
All I know is that this guy deserves a pulp fiction
like beat down just for being a giant Douche.
July 21rd, 2005
Where the hell did that half a month go? It's been
hectic to say the least. Just wanted everyone to
know that I survived my trip home for the "Little Beaver
Celebration". Some people don't believe that's what it's actually called.
But in fact it's based from the original Red Ryder comic book which eventually
became a TV show. Red Ryder was created in Pagosa Springs Colorado which
is about 30 minutes from my reservation hometown of Dulce, NM. Red Ryder
was a cowboy from the old west who solved crimes and helped people. Sort
of like the Lone Ranger and his retarded friend Tanto (seriously, he was
his partner for years and still had fucked up english). However, Instead
of an full grown indian man as a partner, he had a little indian friend who
helped him. His name, you guessed it, Little Beaver.
The little town celebration in Pagosa Springs started
up their annual carnival, parade, etc without a name,
so they called it, "the Red Ryder Festival".
We are the native counterparts to our friends across
the border so we took the name of "Little Beaver".
It all makes sense in some weird "Grown man runs
around with little boy in the woods" kind of way.
Maybe the odd NAMBLA feeling of the comic book is what
encouraged the creators of Lone Ranger to use an adult
male indian as his partner. What do I know, I've never
created an original character that didn't reek of some
strange homophobic ideologies. But let's not get into
Snapmouse's mental problems. That's what the rest of
the internet is for.
Little Beaver consists of multiple "events" that
happen throughout the weekend. I couldn't tell you
exactly what the original little beaver events consisted
of, but I'm sure 24 years ago, they didn't have a softball
tournament and spam carving. Then again, we did have
a LOT of Spam. Maybe the government figured if we ate
enough spam, our innards would congeal like that strange
stuff that covers it and quit bugging them. Who knew
we'd build up an immunity and grow to love the stuff.
Well, that's how I grew up anyway. I like the SPam
now and I blame the government. Damn you NIXON! There
is an archery contest, Pow-wow, Rodeo, Parade, Carnival,
Mud Bog, and don't forget, The Pony Express race. 60
miles of grueling horse racing across rugged terrain.
4 horses, one saddle, one rider. It kicks ass.
I had some fun conversations this weekend. I had stupid
ones and funny ones. I had burgers without the buns
and alcohol with lots of fun. Sorry, I'll quit speaking
like I actually could write in the Dr. Suess style.
I missed hanging out with the Blacksox. Talking to
Dan and listening to Jim still makes me laugh. (Jim
don't you ever say another thing about zombie babies
or I'll have to kick you in the scrotum until we both
went numb).
Jim: I don't like little babies, they freak me out.
me: What? How can you NOT like a baby?
J: They stare at you with those dead eyes and if you put anything in front
of them, they try to eat it
me: They're babies man, they don
J: They're like little fuckin zombies man, I put my finger down there and they
start chompin. What the hell is wrong with you man, you're not supposed to
eat people fingers!
me: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA. That's fucked up.
J: They freak me out man, what can I say? If you saw a grown person eat and
spit up the same shit you'd blow off their head with a fuckin shotgun!
me: HAHAHAHAAHAHA stop it...HAHAHA man... HAHAH shut..HAHAH up.. Hhahahaha..
I.. can't.. breathe..
Thanks Jim for fucking up my brain.. again. Doc is
still unflappable. I'm not quite sure if that's a compliment
or if I just compared him to a handicapped duck. Take
it however you want. And if Bux didn't spend so much
time making fun of people he might be able to write
a decent story once in a while. When is he going to
get his signature line a' la Walter Cronkite or Jim
Carrey? "and that's the way it waz... on the rez..
I sez"
I got to see people who claim they haven't seen me
in years. Didn't I just talk to them a year ago? Does
time stand still on the rez..oh wait.. dumb question,
of course it does. Names and faces went by so fast
I felt like puking from the blurry motion. That could've
also been caused by moonshine Al Bundy brought. All
in all, the trip was fun and memorable. Blacksox, softball
and too much food is how most of the weekend transgressed.
Not much else you can ask for on a weekend excursion
to the reservation. I'll have some pics up soon hopefully.
June 30nrd, 2005
I'm here tonight to clear up some goddamn misconceptions.
I've spent the last few weeks working in a different
building at work upgrading every machine I touch
to use Windows XP. In this room there have also
been a number of women's magazines. Redbook, Cosmo,
Women's Health, Penthouse. You know, the kind woman
always read to figure out "47 ways to please your man", "how
to tell if he's really in love" and "where to bury the body when
you're done with it". Normally I stay away from boring, obvious trite
such as this, but when you're in a room watching updates and diagnostics
running, you need something to entertain yourself.
I've been thinking about this for 2 days and have
not come up with 47 different things to please a man.
I came up with about 6...... 7 if you do some things
twice. As I read this article it talked about doing
some strange things with a man's toe, his ear and,
his pancreas... ok, that last one I might've been losing
my mind by then. These articles are written for women
about men BY WOMEN! I have nothing against these things.
I did happen to look thru a magazine that actually
full of thought provoking and practical information.
There were no articles of what animal type men are
(pig, duh). What a man's shoe tell about him, or how
his sleep position tells you all the intimate details
of his relationship with his mother. I can't remember
what magazine it was, but I know it was NOT cosmo.
There was a picture of some anorexic crackwhore on
the cover pasted with so much make-up if she fell down
there's be a mini duststorm coming from her face. I'd
like to talk about the emaciated playdough these women
look like but, I'll take the high...err... other road..
for now. Back to the pigs and dogs that men are. Apparently
we're the only ones with faults in this mag... or any
publication meant to pander to the downside of humankind.
These categories are where people get into trouble.
I admit, I've tried to figure out my category. Men's
magazines try to come up with new "classifications" for
females like they're another subspecies of the food
chain. The thing about men's magazines is, they're
very tongue-in-cheek. Men know there are no categories.
(well, most real men). Even if someone fits the profile
of 9/10, there's that 1 of the 10 that will really
leave you lost and left sucking your thumb by a phone
booth on a rainy night just hoping she'll call that
number by mistake. So... do me a favor america. Stop
trying to put me in a category. Stop trying to put
ANYONE in a category. I do it all the time, but I know
it's going to be VERY wrong and stupid... hence, funny.
Well, in my world that left field shit is funny. The
more offensive and away from the middle of the road..
the funnier. For example I had this conversation the
other day with a five year old:
(me dancing in the front seat)
her: "Billy, stop it"
me: "Stop what?"
her: "stop dancing"
me: "stop? but why?"
her: "cuz I'm trying to EAT back here".
I honestly laughed so hard I couldn't dance anymore.
June 28rd, 2005
Where the hell is my brain today? I know.. it's in a jar on someone's desk.
Just wanted to throw up a quick link today with the new HOUSE pics.
There aren't many of them..but at least now it's got OUR shit in it. Ya know?
see ya.
June 14nth, 2005
Did you people out there in dreamland know there's a movement in america to
get rid of sugar cereal, snacks and soda? A friend tells me of the school
nurse who wants to get rid of salty and sugary snack foods in the VENDING
MACHINES. She even wants to rid the school of gatorade. You hear that.. GATORADE!
The stuff that tastes like watered down kool-aid! I like gatorade, in fact,
I find it a nice substitute when I feel I've had too much pop and would like
to sleep at night. It makes me wonder though, hasn't the school nurse ever
met a church kid? A catholic school student? That kid who was so suppressed
under the thumb of a vengeful god, that as soon as somebody wasn't looking...
BAM! They were out defiling chickens wearing nothing but galoshes and sunglasses?
We've all met that kid. The one who acts innocent
and for some reason, always has a parent nearby. They
get off to college or away with friends and they're
the first ones to suggest they make a homemade flamethrower
to hunt squirrels with. If you deprive kids of sugar
and snacks COMPLETELY, you will have that avalanche
to deal with. Haven't these school nurses done research
on serial killers? The oppressive religious and sometimes
parental thumb they were under.
Holding back on any of life's little pleasures completely
will always leave one wanting more. It's not complex
psychology why people freak out when oppressed. It's
simple human behavior. It's just odd that supposedly
educated people can't see the obvious behind their
reasoning. The lesson for today is.. Hold back vegetables
so kids will think they're great. No wait.. that's
dumb. What you should really do is, don't indulge in
every pleasure, because, shit that's just boring, just
enjoy it when you get it. Hmm.. I really have no idea
what the lesson is for the day. Just remember, if you
don't let me have something I probably don't want...
I will hunt you to thru a fuckin sunset and across
47 terabytes of data to have my snack pack... even
though I don't really like tapioca.
June 7rd, 2005
I'm really starting to dig the Head Automatica. Before
you perverts start giggling to yourselves, it's
not some weird self-fellatio thing. That would
be a kick ass name for a band though. But I digress.
Head Automatica sings "Beating
Heart Baby". They remind of some mid 80's heavy pop sound. I can't think
of a good comparison right now, but when I do... ah, who am I kidding, it
took me weeks to figure out Pras and Mya were using a country song for their
hook. I'll never remember who they remind me of. That reminds me, do any
of you remember that song by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill? It was SOOOO familiar
to me, but i can't remember why. It's the curse of growing old. Not the forgetting
thing, heaven or hell take me now if I use something that cliche'd.
I mean the sounds of radio today all reminds me of
something else. wait a sexond... I've already covered
this topic dammit! This shit is getting ridiculous.
I'll start quoting myself soon and my insanity will
be complete. Tonight's post really isn't going anywhere
it? Why am I talking to you? You won't answer me.
Reality distorted used to be a cool photo blog site
with TONS of great pictures from Northern NM and Arizona.
Then it went all religious and started talking about
the almighty bob. So I had to remove him as a link
because.. well, I don't like religion and the way it's
no longer separated from
state affairs. Hell, we're the ones that FOUNDED a
country to escape religious oppression
and here we are forcing it on others who don't believe
the same.
This country needs an enema of biblical proportions.
I must THANK the bible for giving us such grand stories
that can be used to make such literary paralells. If
nothing else, I hear the pages of a bible can be used
to roll a joint. I'm sure some god had to be happy
about that little discovery.
May 25th, 2005
This may be the last update for a few days. I'm sure
it won't be different than my normal delays in
posts. Just wanted to say that tomorrow is the
big closing day. Tomorrow is also the start of
moving. We've been packing and trying to figure
out what to keep and what to trash. If I was rich,
I'd say about 95% of it goes. Unfortunately, I
don't want to go buy this shit again. You can always
donate to snapmouse so I don't have to go thru
this mess. This place looks like someone stuffed
a llama full of clothes and plastic and shoved
a grenade up it's ass. I'm not sure what that red
stuff on the wall is, I'll assume it's from the
monkey that sometimes throws poo when I beat him
at xbox. (if you don't get the reference you need
to check out gucomics.com)
I have another cool rant coming up, but with all this
moving stuff, I don't have a chance to write down or
even remember that I once had a thought. If my brain
was a train, it would be named thomas and there would
be a special red helmet and training wheels involved.
Basically I'm apologizing for boring the world with
my latest few entries. Especially my loyal fans. Who
are going to be here this weekend. In fact, I'm heading
to the airport to pick up my 'rents in about 30 minutes.
I really need to get a personal assistant or chauffeur..Chaffuer...
choffur... how the hell you spell that word anyway?
Stupid thomas the train brain. I gotta get outta dodge.
Hope to see ya'll soon... someone pray to one of your
many gods for good fortune tomorrow. Night.
May 22nd, 2005
Woot! Fuckin woot! I had my knee surgery on thursday morning and I was expecting
to feel like someone ran over my knee with a bus full of fat kids. It didn't.
My knee felt GREAT. I'm sure most of my elation was due to the fact that
I was knocked out pretty hard from the anesthesia. The nurse gave me the
best piece of advice ever. "stay home and do nothing, just sit around".
I was surgerized at St. Mary's hospital and they had the coolest waiting
room. Well, not the room, but when I got into the recovery room there, I
thought I was a VIP in a restaurant, (that smelled like bleach and ointments
of course). They offered me all sorts of things to eat and drink. Water,
Tea, Soda, Coffee.. wait, did you say coffee? What soda? Pepsi? Real Brand
name shit? Holy Crap! That place ruled.
Doctor gave me a clean bill of knee health. Said I
didn't need a brace, said I didn't need crutches, said
I can walk as soon as possible, said I talk like an
irish priest when I'm asleep...(I'm not sure about
that last part, I was under heavy drugs). They wheeled
me out on the wheelchair (that actually had a leg support,
fuck you MCI), but after a week of limping, my knee
feels fucking great. I know you were all worried about
me and now you can stop. It gets a little sore but
a little bit of percoset and it starts feeling a lot
better. The pic on the right there shows the piece
of meniscus that was cut outta me. You may all go back
to praying for a lottery win or a bigger shoe size.
May 18th, 2005
First things things first. (kind of a stupid saying isn't it? of course it's
first? When else is it gonna be? First things last?.. anyway), my mom is
gonna be PISSED when she reads this. Already I can see her face become flush
and her mind racing with the worse-case scenario. She's thinking, "oh
no, they can't close on the house", or "He was just kidding about
the whole thing"... Well mom, it's not that bad.
I'm going back "under the knife" (are you
really UNDER it?), ..... tomorrow at 9:00am.
That's why she'll be mad. "why didn't I KNOW?!?!", "why
didn't you call me?!?". Well mom, my girl is taking
great care of me. The orthopedic guy I saw on monday
said in short quick words something along the lines
of "it's still out of place and this is from last
monday? Looks like there's fluid in there and your
meniscus is (some doctor word I can't remember). I
think we'll have to get in there and fix it up, let
me check on getting you in...... (as he walked out
the door)." About 5 minutes later a girl comes
in with a piece of paper saying "okay, we have
you scheduled for your surgery on thursday at 9" WHAT?!
I was a bit confused, but I guess he decided he had
to get to work on it right away.
I'm a little worried about going back in. I can't
straighten my leg. I have to close on my house, we
have to move, I NEED my knees and I have no idea what
he's ACTUALLY going to do. My last surgery (last april)
I was fully informed. This one seems to be a trial
by fire. (aren't I just full of boring cliche's tonight).
I don't like cliche's. I hate them being used on me,
so I try to avoid using them myself. Don't ever tell
me some stupid shit like "follow your heart" or "believe
in yourself" and "jesus saves". If it
was that easy we'd all be living on the beach earning
30% on our millions in the bank. Unfortunately, some
of you have to be the worker bees. Yeah that's right
bitches, I said YOU. And I would like fries with that,
thank you very much. Also, Green Day kicks ass in concert.
(see pic)
May 10th, 2005
Alright, these last 2 days have just been fucked.
While sitting on a chair at work, I turned my knee
the wrong way and it popped outta joint a bit.
It's done it before and all it took was some pushing
and grunting from me to get it feeling right again.
This time.. it was working. Not a big deal, but
I can't straighten it out and it hurts like hell.
Remember, I did this while SITTING DOWN! After
about 20-30 mins of lying in an empty office trying
to get it pop back in like I normally do.. I have
to give up. I call up my co-worker to bring me
the extra set of crutches so I can get out of the
bottom floor of a three story building. I tell
my boss and he says "yeah it hurts like a sunofabitch
doesn't it?". He knows because his pop out occasionally. He tells me
his doc normally shimmys it around until the pain stops and everything is
re-aligned. The last time this happened to me, it reminded me of Mel Gibson
in Lethal Weapon where he dislocates his shoulder and has to pop it back
in. That putting it back in hurts worse than that time I slid down a pole
of razors into acid. But man it feels so much better afterwards.
I get to my surgeon and he's nowhere around. Til NEXT
WEEK! I call my PCP (primary care provider) and he's "fully
booked". So I'm left with one option. Emergency
Room. Now, I hate emergency rooms. I don't think I
needed emergency room kinda care.. I was in some serious
pain but I figured without an orthopedic doctor around,
they won't be able to help me. But I take a shot and
figure I might get lucky. They admit me and say "you're
in luck, we have a room for you". umm.. yay..
I'd have been happy with my little chair, but ok. Here's
the room they roll me into.
I got there about 1:45. I sat there til 2:20 and some
lady who barely spoke english asked me what the problem
was. I tell her (2nd time I've told the story) and
she says "ok" and leaves. About 15 mins go
by and some lady tells me she's taking over for the
other lady, then leaves for about.. 10 mins. She asks
me what the problem is, I tell her (third time). She
leaves. It's now about 3:10 and I nobody's looked at
my knee. Soon, a doc finally shows up. I tell him what
happened (fourth time..yes. Four), and what I need
him to do to fix me. He looks at me with a furrowed
brow and says "I wouldn't do that because you
might have torn it again, or possible broken something".
Doc I was SITTING DOWN! This has HAPPENED BEFORE. "well,
maybe we can x-ray you and see what we find".
Another 20 mins go buy and I change into my little
robe showing my asscrack to the world. A girl comes
in a wheels me into the xray room. (she woke me up
from my nap too). She had the personality of a dead
rat by the way. The xray lady was very cool though.
She knew what a joke was when presented with one. I
tried to get her to place bets that nothing will show
up on my x-rays. After scooting around on this OLD
x-ray table that had more scars on it than Joan Rivers,
they finished taking pictures of my naughty bits. Still
no takers on the bet. She wheels me back into my room
(meanwhile there's a guy with heart problems that they
left outside in the hallway because they're outta rooms.
Here's what my knee looked like.. nothing strange,
just.. a little swollen and outta joint.
I take this opportunity to take another nap. Another
lady comes in and says the radiologist has to look
at them....(then I fell asleep again). The Doc (same
guy) comes in with the xrays and says "there's
no view light in here" so i volunteer to hop up
(on crutches of course) and go see them whereever he
wants. He already ruined my nap. Nobody took me up
on my bet because they found NOTHING. Err.. Duh. They
prescribe me some percoset and something else for the
pain but it's not the right KIND of pain. They even
give me a shot or two in my ass. Luckily I was still
wearing the stupid skirt.
The next day (today, Tuesday) I make an appt with
my regular doc who was "all filled up" on
monday in hopes that he'll at LEAST make an attempt
to fix me. I won't tell you that story because it's
about as boring as the shit you just read. Short version, "I
won't touch it because I don't know what's goin on
inside your knee, but I can send you for an MRI".
This will be the 2nd MRI. Thursday I go to the MRI
place and monday I'm taking my prints to my ortho surgeon
so he can laugh at me having this pain all week. This
weekend I also have tickets to see GREEN DAY at municipal
stadium. I hope this pain subsides. Like I said.. fucky
2 days.
May 3rd, 2005
Just a classic old picture of one of my best buds when he was a young'un and
the accompanying story makes me laugh.
Dan: "Before I was fishing there with the
photographer from the New Mexican magazine my mother
took me to the store to buy some bait to fish with.
For some strange reason she bought me sardines instead
of salmon eggs to fish with. If you look really hard
at the photo you will notice the tin of sardines
that I am using for bait. I told her it would not
work and for some reason she insisted that it would.
So, I sat there trying to hook the sardine while
all the time it keeps falling off of my hook, and
each time it falls off it becomes smaller and smaller
until there is only grease left in my hands. It was
the most embarrassing fishing event in my life. The
fellow kept asking me if sardines were a secret bait
to catch many fish. What could you say to that? Anyway,
it was a good day and we sat there for about five
hours with me just throwing a baitless hook into
the water. "
I hope he doesn't mind me sharing this story. I forgot
to ask him. Dan, if you e-mail me to take it down,
I will.
April 26th, 2005
Many times I've said this and I'll say it again, When I'm in a good mood, this
page licks donkey. There just isn't enough anger to entertain myself. I sleep
well at night. Have a few crazy dreams and go back to bitching about traffic
or the weather or the amount of rocks I still don't have from the moon. Doesn't
everyone have a moonrock now but me? Where is my trip to space? Where's my
flying transportation device? Why do I still have to use a pen and paper or
steering wheel like a godamn caveman? You would think these technological advances
would have me worried no more about cancer or torn ligaments. Where is my bionic
eye that shoots fuckin lazers or my robot mexican that cleans my place for
the low cost of $1 a day? I can get a REAL mexican for that much! What has
this world NOT come to? Err.. where was I goin with this?
All the petty little problems we like to complain
about usually amount to nothing. There's a saying that
goes 90% of everything I've worried about never happened.
I have no idea what that means. If any of ya'll figure
it out, email me at bvicenti@hotmail.com. Don't expect
a response, that's where I send all my spam mail. We
get so caught up in our own little world and we only
bitch about the things that directly affect us. I don't
claim to champion some great native cause and if I
wasn't native do you think I'd care about them damn
indians? HELL NO! Stop trying to convince people that
you're SUCH a good person because you've joined in
an AIDS walk or donated your time to breast cancer
research. Most of those people have relatives or are
in fact suffering through those problems. I don't want
to reiterate the things Maddox says,
but godammit I agree with him. And fuck me if he didn't
say more succinctly what I've always thought about
most of those people.
If there was a march on washington for gay rights
would you go? What if you didn't know anyone who was
gay? If there was a $25 donation to cancer sufferers
would you donate? EVEN if you didn't know ANYONE who
has cancer? Would you still help that lady with her
shopping cart if nobody ever knew about it? Would you
loan money to friend knowing full well that he probably
won't be able to afford to pay you back? It's called
altruism. Defined as "the quality of unselfish
concern for the welfare of others".
I'm sure we all believe we've done nice things like
helping that homeless guy finish his sandwich. Did
you do it because he looked like he was full? Or maybe
you're hoping God was watching and will write it down
in his "big book o'susie's life". Let me
tell you right now. God sneezed when you did that.
Your book has a big god-booger where your good deed
should be. Will you still act the same? That's what
I ask you tonight. Are you truly altruistic? Do you
do things that will help people you'll never see again?
Or are you just hoping someone is keeping score?
April 15th, 2005
This is becoming a bi-monthly kind of thing. We're buying a house and just
don't seem to have the time anymore. It's not that the house takes
up all my time, it's a signature here, a fax there, yadda yadda but there's
a hundred other things I've got to square away before the house is bought.
Guess you could say it's dominating my thoughts, but not as much OTHER things.
We'll get to that later kiddies.
Today is saturday, so that means, Sleeping late, spongebob
squarepants and internet playing time. That also means,
cereal with sugar and possibly a trip to the zoo. Having
a hard time this morning deciding whether or not to
go to Omaha's really cool zoo, or the crappy kansas
city one. Omaha would cost more, but we'd get a room,
have a pool and get to see the COOL zoo. Kansas city
would be cheaper, we could take Amber and we could
errr... watch a movie afterwards and errr... it would
be cheaper. Not that we don't have the cash, but I
would like to take these girls somewhere cool later
this year. It's going to be hectic, I can feel it.
Adventures are always good for the soul.
March 30th, 2005
Holy Shit it's the 30th!? What the fuck? I must be having a blast because I coulda
swore the last post was like 3 days ago. There's even MORE shit that I've seen
that bugs me everyday. From the NCAA
wanting a school to change it's mascot name to African Americans wanting "compensation".
Or whatever the fuck it's called. Dave Chappell even poked fun at it. Most
times it's those national spotlight things that catch my ire. Tonight, it's
much more microintensive.
How in the world did we as a society survive before
cellphones? More interestingly, how did women survive
without these little gadgets? Not to lump every woman
into this group, because my girl doesn't want nor really
NEED a cell phone. She sees the little plastic things
as much a nuisance as I do. Are there times when one
comes in handy? Hell yes. I've used cellphones since
they were the 40 pound bricks that cost 4.99 a minute.
They are the same thing now as they were then, contact
points. If I could shoot a flare outta my ass and let
my friends know where I was in the city, I would. Cell
phones were easier to use.. and from the pics I've
seen.. much less painful. One co-worker once told me
she would "turn around and drive back home to
get her phone if she had forgotten it for the weekend".
When I asked her why, she said, "what if I get
a flat? What if I get stranded on the road? what if..
what if.. ". I asked her, what she thinks people
did before 1986? Did they sit on the side of the road
and cry? I don't know, maybe they... WALKED!??! Could
be they even got their ass to a PAYPHONE and FIGURED
IT OUT!?!? I hate when people carry on conversations
on cell phones because it seems the purpose of a portable
phone was convenience. What's convenient about talking
about your lunch while driving down the freeway? DOes
this conversation need to be had RIGHT NOW? Are you
so short for time that THIS is the only time to discuss
what socks you're wearing for fucks sake? Does your
food at the restaraunt NEED to wait so you can discuss
your brother's wife's cousin's dog's fleas? The other
people sitting around you are REALLY concerned about
hearing your conversation as well.
The basic etiquette has changed and that's ok. But
the basic MANNERS seems to be overrulled by the PHONE
rules. People didn't used to talk AT ALL in movie theaters.
Now there are stories of violence because it happens
so often with people on the phones. Some of you might
be thinking, "But snap, you don't have a phone,
you don't understand it's usefullness". How about
a nice fuck you, I DO have a phone. I hardly use it.
If you call me on my cell it better be something like "Where
you at? Here's the directions, ok, thanks, bye." I've
found my phone very useful. But if you call me up and
say something asinine, I will immediately hang up and
not answer for the rest of the day. I guess what I'm
trying to say is, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ON YOUR PHONE
RIGHT NOW?!? Is it THAT important? You're making me
bust a blood vessel trying to figure out what's so
godamn critical! I have to go lie down now.
March 22nd, 2005
It's amazing how so many things can happen in 5 days, and how nothing really
happens. You might wonder what Snap is talking about. Well, he doesn't know
either, that's why there will be nothing but random ranting today.
Snap doesn't understand why the bible is still the
bible. There are activists now trying to change the
school curriculum to include "creationism".
But not just ANY creationism, but CHRISTIAN creationism.
There are so many people arguing and complaining why
this is good or bad. The biggest issue isn't the teaching
of another theory, but the thought that it must be
this ONE theory. THe people compaining that THIS SHOULD
BE TAUGHT, will turn a blind ear to the suggestion
that maybe BUddhism creation be taught. How about Native
American creation? What tribe? Those are all valid
theories that could be taught. Where is the line? Who
chose the bible? The argument goes that we are based
(the united states, that is) on a CHRISTIAN belief.
But we can ACCEPT other religions. It's bullshit. Church
people are always arguing about why their version is
better. Honestly couldn't tell you that snap could
give a shit, then set it on fire.
Easter is coming up. That's when jesus returns from
the grave and scares people with his zombie powers.
If you do the research, the story is pretty shaky.
Here's a quick synopsis.
"Jesus is dead"
"bummer dude, throw him in this tomb"
"sounds good, and put a big rock in front of it"
a week or a month or 17 days passes and some ladies come back to leave some
gifts for Bob... er Jesus. But they only find some dude in a robe sayin "Jesus
gone bitches"
so OBVIOUSLY since he was gone, he ROSE from the grave and came back to life.
Nobody graverobbed him or anything. So he HAD to come back to life. RIGHT?!?
He then became Zombie-Jesus and ate all the bunnies until they gave out marshmallow
eggs.
That's why we have easter with bunnies and marshmallows
and stupid clothes moms make kids wear. Back then snap
believed he was stylin'. Now, snap should've been wearing
a special helmet to compliment the clothes.
March 12th, 2005
Holy High Speed Car Chase Batman. One day while coming
home from work we were getting off the intersection
when all of a sudden I see a car come across three
lanes to "attempt" an exit where we were going. The car spun out
about 20 feet away and sat facing the wrong direction on the ramp. NExt thing
I saw was a cop making a quick stop in front of the car. I reached for my camera.
I was TOLD the people in the car were trying to jump out. I was too busy fighting
with my digital to see any of that. The cop was on them too fast, so they flipped
a 180 and took off down I-70 again. It was probably the closest I've ever been
to a high speed chase. The suspects were caught on the next exit. I never got
my camera on in time so I have no pictures to share with ya. Sorry. Ahhh, the
excitement of city life. That's my little story.
March 7th, 2005
Snap would like to bitch some more today about famous people. THere's nothing
wrong with being famous or wanting to be famous. People treat you nicer,
you get free shit and a nice house. But there are too many famous people
that are creations of the media and snap's co-workers. These are the people
who discuss vapid braindead "actors" while ignoring truly brilliant
individuals. There are more pictures of anorexic blondes then there are of
talented actors. That's assuming actors are talented, and there is actually
a skill involved that can't be taught to, well, anyone. Kind of like bowling.
Sure there are good bowlers, but couldn't ANYONE be a good bowler with enough
practice? Not like basketball or baseball where talent and height are some
things you have to be BORN with. Could anyone be a good actor? Could snap
learn the skill? Snap would get the giggles and waste 3million dollars of
celluloid. The point is, the amount of famous people in the magazines today,
just don't seem that talented or deserving of our discussion. That's why
this is short. Snap hates droning on about morons who make more money than
him, live in bigger houses and drive fancier cars. Then again, could just
all be chalked up to jealousy. Damn you Frank Whaley! Snap likes talking
in the third person.
February 28th, 2005
A few months ago I want to the grocery store with my friend chet to get some
boxes. We grabbed the boxes from the back and some trash bags and jumped in
the express line. Chet said something about the person in front of us paying
with a check, or having 40 items, I really don't remember. The butter troll
shot a glance back at us and muttered something about "fucking up your
time and getting back in line". Chet looked surprised and I didn't know
what she was talking about. For some reason, I have this brain problem that
doesn't allow me to hear other people's stupid shit. He told me he was only
joking and not sure why she was so upset at us. After all, he didn't yell at
her, or say anything condescending. He just commented on the obvious.
On the way home, we came up with a new way to deal
with people who bring too many items into the express
line. OVERCHARGE THEM. That way, when they come up
with 22 boxes of lightbulbs, you can have this conversation.
Cashier - "that'll be $126.53 sir/madam"
Customer - "what? It can't cost that much!"
Cashier - "oh, so you CAN count? I just thought you were too fuckin stupid
to count to 15! Get out of my line donkeyboy!"
Well, we thought it was
funny.
Just to update you on my exciting life. Me and my
girl cruised up to Liberty this weekend and checked
out the town a little bit. It was interesting to
cruise through the town and check out the houses.
Too bad we didn't know anything about the town so
we pretty much spent the whole time being lost. The
funny part was, when we got to the "downtown" area
where the old shops are, there was a tent setup and
people were in line for free bbq. After walking around
a bit, we realized it was a church thing. There was
country music being played thru loudspeakers reverberating
over the whole square. It might seem like a normal
thing, but there was something surreal about it.
Church people, live band setting up. Police stopping
to talk to the people. Felt like I walked into a
Rockwell painting. I was almost scared to cuss or
take the lord bob's name in vain. My normal urge
to take a wizz on the sidewalk seemed dampened. Then
again, it could just be the weather. I think I might
start looking for a house up around there. Wish us
luck.
February 24th, 2005
Ya know, most times I think the world has gotten
too sensitive. I really wish I was wrong but people
keep proving it to me. I know I can easily be offended
by racist assholes or clerks who follow me around stores, but since they normally
won't affect my shopping, it could give a rats ass. The fun part is asking
them about aperture size and shutter time on the $1800 camera they were watching
me hold. Then stammering off to find someone who knows the answer.
The other
night at Wal-mart (I prefer Target but wally world is closer) me and my girl
are in line to buy a few miscellaneous items and I remark, rather
loudly, something about inflicting harm onto my
girlfriend. For those of you that don't know, my
girl is about 5'9" and could probably kick my ass. My girl
thought it was funny and the old lady in front of
us kind of inched her cart forward, for no apparent
reason. Then I noticed some of those "stone" angels
for yard decoration and started describing the things
I would do to said angels in order to bring the wrath
of Jesus or Bob or whoever invented the angel myth.
A few seconds later, the elderly lady in front of
us got out of line and rolled off in a huff. I honestly
didn't think anything of it until my girl said "I
think you offended her". I was truly surprised
so I asked. "you mean about the Jesus stuff?".
She said, "well, that, and the punching me a
pushing me part." Hell, it was WAL-MART I figured
domestic violence went hand in hand with the cheetos
aisle and edited versions of "Rape Me" by
nirvana.
Either way, She WAS in line in front of
us. You know how long old people take to pay for
stuff at wal-mart? I consider it a moral victory
and hopefully she'll go home and talk about me
to her friends and neighbors. Then get domestically
violenced by her alcoholic nephew right before
he steals her Social Security check.
February 20th, 2005
Wow, can't believe it's the 20th of February already. I was trying to think
of something interesting to say, but then, you've all heard most of my rants.
I still need to finish this site and post all the best ones up so you can
browse at your liesure and I can't stop saying the same stupid shit all the
time. Believe me, I know most of the stuff I say is stupid.
Tonight is sunday
and I keep seeing ads for reality shows. The Simpsons even mention the stupidity
of said 'television'. There was also a disturbing little
daydream of 2 gay homers. (funny, I misspelled stupidity).
I don't believe reality television is reality in
the least. I believe that rant has already been covered.
Just wanted to share a story with you inspired by
this guy Tucker Max.com He
tells these stories of shit that's happened to him
in some bizarre situations. Do you have that friend
that always seems to get themselves into shit and
have a different story every weekend? For me, it's
probably a combination of Ty and Sony. Sometimes
people just fall into stories, but this Tucker guy,
he pulls down his pants and calls them on. His stories
are nicely written.
So in tribute to stumbling across
his website (again), I'll have to tell ya'll a story.
One night in college there was a "dance" with a DJ and a theme. (Hey,
it was a small college town, no clubs to go to). Tonight it was a fun 70's
kind of thing. Me, Tomas and we'll call him "Dan", went to the used
clothes store and found some 70's clothes. They managed to put together whole
outfits for about 1.75. I opted out of the dress up part because I wasn't planning
on being drunk enough later. I was right by the way. THey were the ONLY guys
dressed in 70's clothes. Feeling like jackasses, they went to the back and
started taking shots of Jack with the DJ. After a few dances and watching drunk
fake afros entertaining the rest of the ever inebriated college crowd, they
closed down and we left.
but.. we didn't go home.
Tomas said he was invited
over to the girl's dorm. Dan was excited about this
idea for obvious reasons. Being sober, I informed
them that the girls dorms are closed and don't allow
visitors after 11:00.
Tomas - I'sokaay, sheee said
shhheeelll lets ussss innnn.
Dan is already headed off in that direction. Shit, looks like I just gotta
keep them from getting thrown out or arrested. We get to the dorm and there's
nobody in the front desk (visitors were required to sign in and out and escorted
by the person they were visiting). The front door is locked (of course) but
some girls walk in and we casually stroll in behind them. They look back at
us, but don't say anything.
me "tomas, where is this girl's room?".
Tomas "Umm. I's on the nexsht flurr".
Dan "I know where it is!"
So here I am, with two tore up drunk guys
wandering up and down the halls of an all-girl dormitory. They're
stumbling against the walls holding flyers and knocking
on random dorms. All the while, I'm looking for security
or anyone R.A. that could identify and get us suspended
from school. They knock on about three doors til
someone they know recognizes us and tells us to get
our dumb asses out of the hall before we get arrested.
She probably saved our happy asses from a bad fate.
They stood in there and tried to spout out names
of girls that I swear couldn't be real people. It
took about half an hour to convince them to get outta
there. But they finally realized the trouble we'd
be in if we were caught. So they wanted to jump out
the damn WINDOW! We're on the 2nd floor and they've
already got the window open. THANK that goat the
first floor was actually a bit underground and it
was only about a 8 foot drop. If you've never seen
drunk guys fall out of a window at 3am, you need
to rent a drunk uncle or something quickly. I laughed
all the way back to my car and they couldn't remember
why they were sore the next morning. It still makes
me laugh to this day.
February 13th, 2005
Have to say sorry about not having any updates for my friends and and family,
but my hosting company seems to have fallen off the planet. Just closed the
doors and turned off the lights. Thanks for coming, it was a lovely time, last
one to leave gets stuck with the cable bill. Luckily it was free hosting and
I didn't upgrade to a paid account. I'd be superpissed now because I can't
even seem to contact their support department. They just cease to exist. Ah
well, for now I'm hosting on comcast. Hear that comcast? Free plug for your
theivin asses. Sometimes the shit their sales people say boggle my mind. I
won't get into it it now because it'll probably just piss me off some more.
This was an interesting weekend. Me and my girl went to look at houses in our
price range. The nicest one we say was way out of city, but it was very nice.
Ugly wallpaper, but the house and basement were badass.
We saw an old house from 1923 that was cool as shit,
but I'm not sure about the repairs it would require.
That house has some personality. Too bad I forgot
my camera. I'm sure there are a lot more to look
at and there are a million other things to consider
so this was just the start of the whole thing. The
only thing at bothered me was the realtor lady trying
to rope us into a contract 2 minutes after we met
her. I just wanted to look at houses and was hoping
you could help us. I realize it's your time and gas
lady but if it's that big a deal to you, we'll do
our own searching thank you very much. By the way,
is 3.5% the norm? THat seemed like .5 too much to
me. Just thought I'd give my my frenz the quicky
update on my little boring life. I'll end this one
quickly. Night.
January 20th, 2005
You know what Snap needs? A godamn common sense stick. It'll be about half
the size of a baseball bat but filled with something heavy, like Cement or
Cap'n Crunch. That way, when someone calls and asks why they're getting an
error message, Snap can walk up with the stick and flog the jesus out of
their skulls for not simply READING the error message. Maybe "Jesus" will
be written on the side of it and chanting random bible quotes will help people
understand that Snap is really there to HELP them. Maybe english is tough
for them. Maybe they were held back from the other short bus kids and never
got over it. Maybe the short bus driver would pretend to take off then stop
real fast so they'd slam their watermelon sized head against the back of
the bus. Leaving drool and eyeball goop on the back window. Just maybe there's
a reason for the stick.
The stick could go on a daily tour of Kansas City.
Just retarding all the drivers in range of said stick.
Maybe the person who crosses the green light in rush
hour traffic then shrugs like it's the first time
they used orthopedic shoes to limp their ass to the
bus stop. There are many uses in my mind for the
common sense stick. Or as you will all learn to know
it as, the Jesus stick. Daredevil had a stick. He
called his a "Billy Club". That was my
first idea to steal, but it turns out, that's gonna
be the name of the first bar Snap owns. Maybe the
new club will be called Sn4p0wnz. Where was I?
Oh
yeah, the Jesus beater. If there were an actual stick
it would be brandished like Morgan Freeman does in
that movie. You know the one, where he teaches Mexican
kids spanish or calculus then shoots that kid with
an arrow by the freeway. Man, that was a good movie.
He had a bat to beat kids with. Snap doesn't want
to beat kids with the stick, just grown people who
should have more experience at NOT being an idiot.
Beating them might not be the best answer, but since
nobody knows the short bus driver or the kid that
pushed them down the stairs, Snap'll just have to
pound that cookie dough they call a brain into something
usable. Hell, if the government can tax their work,
then they should be worth some kind of beating. It'll
at least make my days more enjoyable and watching
people drive home with black eyes and ruptured spleens
will probably lessen my anger when driving home in
rush hour traffic. If only I could find a magic piece
of tree that's been struck by lightning during a
snowstorm on a full moon, then I could make the Jesus
stick. Maybe if I pray to Jesus or Santa they'll
send me my own stick. I can't wait.
January 17th, 2005
This weekend was my Girlfriend's Sister's birthday
party. So we threw a lil shindig at my girls place.
Vodka stopped selling my favorite "Vodka Skyy Blue" bottles
so I went with some Citron Vodka with Lemonade. Apparently I was the only one
who ever bought the the skyy blue in bottles.
There were many people drinking
and dancing. Sitting and eating. Well, mostly sitting and drinking.. oh
yeah, and smoking. The downstairs still smells like
two trains had sex and smoked each other aftewards.
The birthday girl didn't make it to 1:00 am. If you
ask me, that's a sign of a great birthday. Maybe
next time, I'll invite the rest of you. I'm a little
saddened that most of my friends live in Kansas and
Blue Springs is on the wrong side of kansas city
for them to make it out. Like I said, maybe next
time.
I've learned this weekend that drinking Lemonade
and Vodka does NOT make a happy Snapmouse. Well to
be fair, Snapmouse was feeling VERY HAPPY until about
3:00am. That's when the puking started. It stopped
for a few minutes while I tried to concentrate on
what Chet was talking about, but I felt the slippery
slime in the back of my throat and had to clear the
runway again. That's when I decided to pass out and
end the pain. The next morning was spent feeling
sorry for myself and basically trying to keep from
puking again as I knew there was nothing left to
come up. I'm sure most of you have been there before.
I must say thanks to everyone who came. There were
no fights and no drama. I really had to thank my
girl for taking care of me while I felt like a 10
yr old with his first hangover. It may have honestly
been the WORSE hangover I've ever had.
That's about
all the story I have from this weekend. Hope you
all had more fun than that, but I seriously doubt
it. Night.
January 10th, 2005
The radio hasn't been very entertaining to me lately. It's a sure sign you're
getting old when all the music you hear starts to sound familar. You hear
a guitar riff and you think of the eagles or something prince did back in
'88. Sometimes I wish I could take my brain out and scrub it so I can enjoy
more music I hear today. Just the happy little shit brain pop songs that
all sound the same to me. Don't get me wrong. I like Linkin Park and Nelly
and have become a fan of punk music. But they're all favorites for different
reasons. There's nothing ground-breaking about punk. It's hard, angry, angsty
music. The smooth beats of Kanye West or Big Boi really groove me. The screaming
roar of rock still licks the back of my neck, and I like it. The problem
is, the music out there doesn't hold a special place in my heart anymore.
I've become hardened to time-capsule songs.
You know those songs that if you
were to hear them now, you'd realize how sucky they really are, but
for some reason they remind you of fun times of your
stupid youth. I remember listening to "Rhythm
Nation" by Janet Jackson on a basketball trip
with my walkman. I used to listen to Bon Jovi's "Bad
Medicine" all the time when I was going to High
school in california. I'm sure the generation above
me thought those were stupid songs that had nothing
special to them, but that was MINE DAMMIT! I have
to stop hating on music of today. There are still
good musicians out there, but I can FEEL my tastes
'maturing', if you will. I appreciate the things
Matchbox Twenty does. Jack Johnson and I'm always
on the search for a 'new sound'. There really is
no such thing, but there is a LOT of music I haven't
heard. My girlfriend is currently getting me more
into industrial tweaks like Nine Inch Nails or harder
rock. (I still don't think I'll be able to get into
Pantera, sorry babe). Getting back to the point.
I've heard a lot of music growing up (a few years
as a radio DJ also doesn't help) and there are too
many sounds I've heard. Hopefully I won't get TOO
OLD and become one of those bastards that hate ALL
new music. Sometimes you have to remind yourself
that there are still musicians out there making the
good stuff. Rappers that don't follow the formulas
and guiatrists that will manage to think beyond the
pale.
It's not a bad thing that I'm getting old,
it just gets to a point where I wonder why I sound
like a 30 year old crusty guy. I start to say things
like "what
the hell is that kid wearing? He looks like an idiot".
Actually, I think I was pondering why he had the
Luke skywalker haircut. I hear music that's climbing
the charts and it just boggles me how anyone could
accept the over-produced noise of the Simpson sisters
and the Lohan's who are nothing more than eye candy
for the masses. Someone please save me from myself
and my brain. Maybe a bullet would help.
oh yeah..
I went thru my old sketch books and scanned up some
of the AWFUL and maybe some not too bad drawings
I did here.
January 6th, 2005
Lately I've been trying convince people that Jesus
didn't exist. I was wrong, he DID exist, now I
just have to prove that he was NOT the son of God.
I know of this God Character because he was taught
to me in MANY forms while growing up. I was also
taught of these "boarding" schools that young indians
were sent to and 'educated' by missionaries. The same ones who believed in
this Jesus fella. The indians were NOT allowed to speak their own language.
They were told their gods were the wrong ones, and that Jesus was the only
'True' god while forcefully denying native americans their right to believe
in their own culture. I CANNOT support any group of people led by a religion
that forces their beliefs while costing the destruction of another. I have
nothing against the teachings of Jesus and the mighty spook either. They have
some good life lessons and sometimes putting the fear of redemption into a
kid is the only way to keep them from acting like a monkey with a cattle prod.
It's not the nice stories that religion teaches, it's the PEOPLE who should
be the nicest, most understanding, accepting people are usually the most closed-minded
arrogant, self riteous asshats on the planet. That's not even directed at the
people who go to church and believe it. It's that small percentage who are
POSITIVE they're right. And feel the need to let everyone on the planet KNOW
they're right because they have "faith". There is an absence of proof,
yet I'm supposed to believe in YOUR FAITH? Do I go to your house and force
you to accept the native american belief system? Do I even tell people WHAT
that system is? Hell NO! It's my right to not believe in "he that is I
AM". Whatever the fuck that means. I always hear people say "because
I believe it in my heart". I'm pretty sure they mean "in my brain" or "my
soul". Your heart is full of blood and leprechauns, or something, I can't
remember, but when I stab you we'll find out.
It sounds like I'm bashing jesus
and religion, I'm really not. I'm bashing the people that use religion
to force an agenda. If they're offended by something
they use christianity as a basis for their "right".
If a book speaks of things they can't agree with,
they use the bible to "prove" that you
should listen to them. I'm not asking for anyone
to STOP believing. I just want people to question
it ALL. ALL OF IT. I base my beliefs on my experiences.
I don't base it on books or stories or some old guy
who lived two thousand years ago. I base it on something
that accepts people for who and what they are. Even
if their name is Tucker Carlson or Anne coulter and
they should be kicked in the crotchwagon. (yes, I
believe Tucker is devoid of genitalia). I don't agree
with their right wing, jesus loving, hateful politics.
BUt they have every right to preach to whatever moron
will listen to them. The seperation of church and
state WAS a good idea. It's sad that we've forgotten
the most important part of that. The WHY.
January 2nd, 2005(bitches!)
Not really sure what to think of new years. Never have. You get to buy a new
calender and make something called a resolution. Those are usually broken
about 7 nanoseconds after the clock ticks past midnight. I spent my 'celebration'
time at a house party over a friends place. We all gathered 'round the tube
when the clock struck. There were lots of drunk people there. About 3 designated
drivers, 2 gay guys and a pregnant girl. I got to see a quick girl slap fight.
Nothing really exciting except for them knocking the drinks off the table.
(sorry guys, no shirts were torn off). I had my cigar and talked to Sony
who I had to make sure wasn't fucking up his new year. Mr. Valdez wasn't
available so I'm hoping he was out. The rest of the Blacksox were also not
communicable. Too bad I can't say anything about their diseases. Ty was down
on the plaza and I don't know where the rest of the people I knew were. This
is usually when I see or hear about how many friends I have. The best thing
about the night? My girlfriend looked BEAUTIFUL. She was wearing white and
shirt that looks GREAT on her.
The party lasted til past 4:30am. I only know
that because that's what time we left. Overall it was
a good time. Listening to Chet get philosophical
and nate yammering was the most fun. Hope your new
years was just as good or at least, as interesting.
2005 is here, what will you say about it when you're
done at the end of this one?
December 30th, 2004
End of the year. Another Turn of the Calender. Not really anything to celebrate
but having an excuse to pay too much for drinks and tell bad jokes to friends.
December 20th, 2004
Crap in a old ladies denture jar. Never USE AIRBORNE.
I believe their drivers may be dyslexic. Long story
short, the package I ordered weeks ago and (supposedly)
delivered on the 15th, was sent not only to the wrong apartment, but to the
wrong apartment COMPLEX. Though these complexes have different names AND addresses,
it seems the airborne driver can't differentiate where the 4's and 0's go.
I understand when getting shipments that things get lost in the shuffle and
packages take time to track down. After all, they created a nifty little "tracking
number" to combat such occurences. All good plans are shot to little piles
of fecal matter when the person who's HANDLING the package, fails to READ the
black and white dots that make up letters, which in turn makes up letters to
form an address. There is nothing that can be done to avoid stupid human error.
Speaking of Human Error, let me give ya'll a couple stories from work today.
User:"Snap, whenever I try to update this file
I get stuck and can't reset".
me: "Are you getting an error message?"
User: "It says on bottom, 'file in use'"
me: "that probably means someone else is in the file so you can't update
it"
User: "nobody is in it, can you come down and check it for me?"
me: (sigh) "yeah, I'll be right down"
When I get down there, he moves and I read his screen is says in green letters "file
in use by (anotherluser) and cannot be updated".
me: "well, looks like 'luser2' is still in the file". He looks over
my shoulder and says "oh... I didn't see that... so... he's still in it?".
me: "Yup, call him and tell him to get out of it"
User: "ummm.. ok.. thanks"
ME: (READ THE FUCKING MESSAGE IT GIVES YOU! THERE'S A NAME AND A REASON YOU
HAVE AN ERROR MESSAGE! I CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO COME DOWN AND READ ERROR MESSAGES
FOR YOU FUCKWIT!)
To be fair, I actually like the guy who made me
go thru this. It was just so stupid I had to share
the story.
The 2nd story involves someone calling my boss (not
me) and telling HIM her PC wasn't working. So he
tells me to call her. So I call, no answer. About
10 mins later, I call again, Busy. About 10 more
minutes.. busy again. I figure she knows by now that
I'm TRYING to get in touch with her to figure out
her problem. BUT, instead of calling ME, she calls
my BOSS AGAIN and says her machine STILL isn't working.
So he HAS to ask me now if I got it working. FUCK!
Now it looks like I didn't do shit for the last 20
minutes. I tell him my attempts and decide to walk
down to her desk. When I get there, the problem is
ONLY that she couldn't sign on to ONE screen. She
could sign on to 2 identical screens, but the maximized
one wasn't working. Instead of clicking over to another
signon screen (which was up and open by the way)
she thought it would be better to wait for me to
walk my happy ass down there. It's a damn good thing
I'm not armed. I want a gun, but for the safety of
all idiots, there's a 5 day cooling off period for
the snapmouse.
That reminds me, I'm trying to convince my girl
that I'm bi-polar and I just haven't swung back the
other way yet. I'm tired tonight and my eyes are
burning. I'm wrapping this up like christmas (by
the way, I hate xmas) and going to bed. Nites.
December 13th, 2004
My friend Tim used to say the line "we don't need a spark, we need an
explosion!". I'm not sure where he gets it from but it's a sports colloquialism.
Most times when I hear it, I think of a revolution of sorts. I think of the "uprising" the
Apaches had when they tried to "domesticate" indians in southern
arizona. There are a ton of issues dealing with native american groups and
culture clashing with the 21st century, but indians seem to squabble amongst
themselves too often. If you ever read online newpapers or even hardcopy papers
like Indian Country Today or
Native News, you'll see all sorts of problems happening on reservations. From
Loss of healthcare to education reform. I read things about "reinforcing
stereotypes" when the most important things like "80
percent of indigenous peoples in 70 countries live below the poverty line,
while their land and resources are stolen and exploited." To get back
to my original rant, there's all these things wrong with natives and our current
situation, but all these efforts seem to be for naught. I really hope I'm wrong.
I hope these are just not news stories that concern the average person who's
just trying to make their own living. I don't ever see any of these stories
on Fox4 in Kansas city. I don't even see it on KCMI channel 5 and I swear they
report on the most retarded shit. For the most part, nobody KNOW there's even
still NATIVE in the world! We still have RESERVATIONS? We stil speak our language?
Yes, and it's still not enough.
Someone has to step up. Some group has to make as
much noise as the Parent Television Council or whatever
the fuck they're called. They're the group that accounts
for 99.8%
of all the indecenty complaints telling us what's "inappropriate" for
MY TELEVISION WATCHING!. They get press and attention
for being total assholes. I don't want indians to
become whiny ass, tree hugging, teddy bear stuffing
caterwaulers, but I would like to see some HUGE collective
event to remind people, HEY, we're STILL HERE! And
more importantly, we're STILL GETTING SHIT ON! Not
by individuals as much anymore. More by government
regulations and restrictions. And more importantly,
by ourselves. We complain of being stereotyped as
drunks or lazy, yet you still see a large number
of alcohol related offenses on reservations. You
still see people trying to "live off the system".
I wish I knew how to make to make big changes. I
wish I knew how to gather a march on washington while
a wardrum song plays in the background. I do what
I can to throw in my handful of gunpowder. We just
need more people to recognize the powderkeg we're
sitting on. Before it gets rained on and washed out.
I see it happening and it depresses me. More succinctly,
I wish I knew how to turn my little sparkler into
an godamn h-bomb.
December 8th, 2004
My sister just told me a story. When my Nephew and
niece were really young, they heard my brother
joking with friends about a "penile fracture". So
they went up to my dad and asked him "what's a penile fracture?".
Without missing a beat, my dad said "It's a prison break". ..............................(well,
I thought it was funny)
Tonight on VH1 they were talking to some 'famous'
people about how geeky they were in high school.
So me and my sister talked about the stupid things
we did that were REALLY geeky and now we wonder what
the hell we were thinking. So I decided to embarrass
myself tonight. First thing I can remember was when
I was in 8th grade it was my first year of playing
football. One of my best friends was the brother
of the quarterback of Varsity and I had a computer
class with him. (I was a nerd, remember?). We found
out we had the same shoe size (same helmet size as
well, go figure). So once in a while, we would trade
a shoe. So I would walk around school the rest of
the day with one red shoe, like that guy in the movie...
you know..with the shoe. For some reason, I thought
that was really cool. Not only because he was a SENIOR
and I was just a lil 8th grader, but he was in the "cool
crowd" of Dulce High School. There's really
no reason why wearing his shoe made me feel as cool
as the bathroom floor tile after a hard night of
puking, it just did. I'm sure if he wasn't my friend's
brother or my older sister's friend, I wouldn't have
been able to do that. Looking back on it now.. I
realize I was such a dork. Hmm.. maybe WAS isn't
the right word, as I'm still a big nerd. Maybe one
of these days I'll post up the UGLIEST school picture
ever taken. EVER. It's THAT bad. If you were to show
it to your kids, they're eyes would turn to glass
and melt out of their skulls. You may get off with
temporary blindness, but the psychological damage
will be unrecoverable. Yup, it's that bad.
December 6th, 2004
I just remembered a christmas story.
About five years ago I was living in Scottsdale Arizona. I was low on the green
leaves and couldn't afford to fly home for christmas. If you've ever been in
the phoenix area in the winter, you'll know the weather is BEAUTIFUL. About 72-79
degrees, dry and perfect. So christmas morning, I remember, waking up. Turning
on Doc's TV (he was back in Dulce for the holidays) and watched some of the parade
or something. So I decided to get out because my apartment was just too damn
quiet. So I threw on some basketball shorts and headed to the courts. It was
only about a mile away and they were pretty outdoor baskets. Probably the prettiest
outdoor courts I've ever seen, (Tim can back me up on this one). There was so
little traffic that I could hear my shoes tapping with each step. The ball bouncing
seemed loud by comparison. When I got to the courts it was still. Still as a
christmas morning before the chaos of scotch tape and thin colored paper, (or
in my house sometimes, newspaper). I could smell the grass from the park and
taste the smog tinted air. The courts have that green grip covering you see on
tennis courts. The rims are dangling real cloth nets. As opposed to the loud
rusty chains you see on most courts. The freethrow lines were painted in actual
size and the three point line didn't run into the side of the court like you
see on most skinny outdoor paint jobs. This was a FULL outdoor court. The halfcourt
circle was still pristine ad nobody ever used that part. Under the basket was
a little worn down, but looking up at the double thick steel rims, it just made
you want to jump up and grab them. Traffic was light that day (obviously) and
I was able to count how many steps it took me to get from box to box. I can't
tell you how many shots I took that day, but with every squeek of my shoes and
shuffle of dust that blew thru, I felt happy. I was alone, but I wasn't lonely.
Once you spend a christmas alone doing only what you want to do, there's not
many things that can bother you after that.
This might sound like a sad story
of a boy and his ball, but it was one of the most relaxing, memorable
days of my whole life. So much that I still remember
it to this day. Being broke seemed like a crappy
way to spend that day, I was wrong.
December 1st, 2004
There are times at work where I just want to complain about shit and wish I
had my own HBO show. I want it on cable so I don't have to worry about swearing
about, well everything. Funny part is, I really don't cuss that much. Sure
the occasional one comes out but I like to save the bombs for when I'm over
baghdad. That way it'll have more impact. Most times complaining is the only
thing I do well. Sad part is, I only yell my opinions at people if it's something
personal. For some reason, people don't bother to tell me to shut up. I know
if someone was going off on some random subject I'd at least stop them and
ask them WHY they're telling ME about it. Then again, with the rush of "reality
TV", it's been proven that we'll pretty much watch or listen to anything.
That just gives me free reign to rant on for hours on end. It's either that
or I'm entertaining enough that people don't care what I talk about, just
that it makes them laugh. I swear that's why people keep me around. I'm the
dancing monkey on a skillet trying keep my feet cool by spitting on them.
Enough of that, tonight there's a need to change
peoples thought pattern on trying to please the masses.
I'm one of the worse people to do this. I try to
make EVERYONE happy. Even though on several occasions
I've said "you know you're famous when a lot
of people hate you". If people don't know you,
they can't hate you. When you're SO famous that EVERY
SINGLE ACT of your mundane existence is criticized.
What you buy at the grocery store all the way down
to what color you wore to your junior prom. When
THAT many people have THAT much information on you,
you're bound to piss someone off. I can list people
I don't like and I've never met the bastards! Besides
the utter lack of privacy and everyone trying to
get into your pocketbook, you have half the population
of the world hating on you. Drinkin a big bottle
of "hate-orade" on snapmouse. Then you
have to pretend like NOTHING pisses you off. You
can't complain about the whiney liberals or the hardline
gun freaks. (by the way, if you're plannin on pissin
off a group, choose the ones with less firepower).
So they end up walking this middle line of normalcy
that's bound to drive anyone insane. Someone shoves
a camera in my face and asks what I think about any "hot" issue,
I will TELL them what I think and WHY I think that
way. The problem is the media will only print what
you said. Not why, not what caused it. There's no
way I could be famous now. One look at this website
and I'd anger about 70% of the american public. You
know what? That's GOOD. GOOD I SAY! Politicians,
Actors and cowboys can take heed. Say what you say
and mean it dammit. If you don't like puppies or
kitties, then SAY it. Fear of retribution from PETA
or some random "cat fancy" reader should
NOT be enough to withhold your opinions. Say it loud
and be prepared to back it up. That will earn some
hatred but at the same time. My respect. Don't be
like me and try to please everyone. It's not a fun
world to live in. At least I have hope for my HBO
show. This is the line I hope to one day use one someone at
work: Newbie, if the next two words out of your mouth aren't
'See ya' then the third word will be 'Oh my god. My crotch. You've
punched me in my crotch.'
November 25th, 2004
Turkey day! Today is the day we all sit around and err.. eat. Then sleep. Then
eat some more. We're supposed to be around family for some reason. Supposedly
it's some rule from the bible or dr seuss book that says you have to invite
people who share a genetic similarity. It's not as bad as all that. Surely
if you were the one doing the cooking, you could learn to despise such a day
that causes you to start preparing a WEEK earlier. Most of my meals aren't
decided until about 5 minutes before I eat it. SO this thanksgiving thing takes
way too much preparation. Appreciate the time that goes into it when you eat
it. I'm sure my turkey induced dream will somehow say thanks and my girlfriend's
mom will know that I'm glad I got some homemade burnt flesh.
Not too many people
actually know the origin of thanksgiving. That would include me. I know the
story of the pilgrims "inviting" us indians to
have a cheeseburger and fries, but I don't REALLY
know the story. For all I know, them white people
left the indians with the check at Denny's. Unfortunately,
indians didn't write in english back then so nobody
knows how much the turkey grand slam cost back then.
I wonder if they got a free pumpkin pie with their
order? What happened after the big Denny's meal?
Did everyone go back to their dirt homes or teepee's
and fall asleep? Was there a game between the Lions
and Bears? There are so many questions I have of
the real thanksgiving. Mine was great. It was better
than great, it was perfect. The only thing missing
was the annual "laughing at Brandon stories".
Have fun digesting everyone!
November 22nd, 2004
Tonight I was prepared to hit the gym and do a little runnin. When I got back,
it was LAUNDRY TIME. ok, I know that shit's boring. The point of all this
is that when I was driving home some lady in van went left in the wrong lane
so I ended up behind her, she stopped at a green light to ask directions
(in 5 O'clock traffic no less) and waited mostly thru the NEXT green light.
The fact that she was screwing up traffic isn't what bothered me because
everyday there's one idiot. What REALLY pisses me off is the LACK of common
sense. Not only with driving but with random basic things. The lady in front
of me was LOST. in RUSH HOUR TRAFFIC and didn't have the SENSE to pull over
and FIGURE OUT where she was going.
It's easy to poke fun and yell (or honk) at these
morons, but I really don't think I was born with
common sense. Some people are naturally "street
smart". I NEVER WAS. I was booksmart. My dad
had to pound in my common sense (sometimes literally.
heh.) Which is obvious precedent that you can LEARN
common sense. You just have to learn to pay attention.
When lights are turned ONE way, there's no way you
can get traffic from ANOTHER direction. I'm not a
smart man, but anyone can pay attention to learn
simple rules of humanity. Things like NOT fucking
up rush hour traffic. Things like having your money
out BEFORE they ask you at the counter. Simple rules
involving the 12 item or less line. Things that DON'T
make me want to kick you in the back of skull with
my size 11's. Get your fuckin money out! As Soon
you pull into the McDonalds parking LOT you should
KNOW what you want! They haven't changed their menu
in 50 godamn years! When traffic is passing you on
ALL SIDES, You're GOING TOO SLOW! I don't care if
you're going the speed limit and you feel "in
the right", you're STILL FUCKING UP TRAFFIC!
Just be considerate and use your common sense. That's
all I'm asking. Is that too much to ask of people.
Most things like this happen everyday and I'm sure
I've been guilty of not paying attention, but at
least KNOW that there are OTHER people around. You
are NOT the center of the universe. You are not a
special snowflake. Your name is Robert Paulsen. One
of these days I have to make a list of the simple
rules that people break everyday and the common sense
shit that smart people tend to forget. It's really
starting to grind on me. Or I'm just getting old
and like to bitch about every damn thing! I'll shut
up now.
November 18th, 2004
What the hell happened to free speech in america? When did the bible thumping
idiots get in charge? I don't remember voting for any of those assholes. ABC
apologized for the promo they ran before monday night football. I saw the promo,
it wasn't that bad. In fact, I thought it was clever. Now people are crying
indecency? The same shit that shows on regular prime time TV but before a FOOTBALL
GAME?!? What is this country coming to? It reminds me of a story.
A few years
ago (97 I believe) I was back in Dulce watching a High School Girls BBall game.
The girls had chosen some rap/hip pop tape to listen to during
warm-ups. It wasn't the hard core "shot your
momma in da eye and sold her liver on e-bay" kinda
rap, it was more of the pop type. I was sittin there
groovin to it and about 3 songs in, the music stopped
mid-song. The principal or someone with pretend power
over minors grabbed the little mic and APOLOGIZED
for the music? HUH? WTF?!? I was listening to that?
I wasn't offended. THey didn't ASK ME! They just
decided they would make my moral stand for me. Fuck
THAT. I'm quite capable of deciding what to be offended
by. Eminem has been on my playlist lately and I'm
really starting to like the anger he professes. He
ADMITS to doing it just to piss people off. How cool
is it be RICH by making people mad at you? How ironic
to make a group that complains about "being
accepted" protest YOU? They like to say his
lyrics are hurtful to gays. Lyrics don't hurt gay
people. Fucked up people do that. Eminem could come
out and sing shit about native americans and you
know what I would do? NOT BUY IT! NOT LISTEN IT!
That's the choice we ALL get to make as americans.
At least, I used to think so. I'm pissed off that
ABC apologized. I'm pissed that my morals are decided
by other people. I'm sick and tired of small minded,
self-righteous god pushers telling me that I'm evil.
Next time I think I'm doing something evil I'll untie
the bag the cats are in and move my car off the nun
it happens to be parked on. Then again, maybe I should
call someone at the FCC so I can ask if I'm gonna
be fined for my actions. G'nite asshats.
November 14th, 2004
So the new look is short and decisive. I'll try not to ramble too much with
the minimalist approach. I will tell you a little story about my weekend
though. That way you don't have to call my phone and hear my boring story.
Friday night I headed out to Lawrence to see Better than Ezra in concert.
I picked up Ty, (who lives in a nice apartment) and headed out to the Granada.
His girl WAS holding a spot for us in line but by
the time we got there she was already inside so we
had to stand our dumbasses out in the cold. Ty ran
into some guy he played ball against or slept with
the same chicks in high school, I don't know, I wasn't
really paying attention. When we got inside the concert
didn't start until around 9:00. The opening band
was decent enough but the lead singer had a wannabe
Rob Thomas Haircut and the most talented musician
looked like he ran outta jeri curl activation spray.
He also had that weird top button unbuttoned so it
showed off his hairy 70's pornstar chest. By the
time they were done and BTE came on it was past 11:00!
Don't get me wrong. I love BTE. They even sang one
of my favorite songs "Let you In". But
after all that, my back was tired from standing and
my knee wasn't too happy with me. I know that makes
me sound like an old guy, but remember, we've been
standing since around 8 when we were freezing outside.
When I got home around 2:00, I was burned out. Friday
was a hell of a day at work and at night. Tomorrow
is monday, well today is monday and even though I
had a BLAST at the concert singing along and hanging
out with The Fun One, the best night I had was saturday
night, falling asleep slowly watching Harry Potter
and drifting off. Hopefully I'm going to do that
more often.
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I never liked bands like Primus because when I listened to it, it sounded disjointed and non-melodic. I just didn't like it. For example Fear Factory and Rammstein are considered 'industrial metal'. Nine Inch Nails was tossed into the same loop. So I never really listened to NIN. Then I heard more of it. I realized how different it was from those other bands, I stopped listening to the music labeled "industrial". I missed the fuckin boat because of that label. So I decided. Fuck Labels. I'll listen to it. If it's good music, we're cool. There turned out to be other bands I liked considered industrial. Like Static-X and Rob Zombie. I actually heard a Pearl Jam song the other day that I liked. I hate Pearl Jam. Everything I've EVER heard from them sounded like a whiny elephant singing thru a tuba. Their latest song. Kinda rocks. Pearl Jam might have made a good song. 
honestly, what the duck was he thinking? (get it?). if you've never seen this scene then you're living in what I like to call "pussified america". We WERE at war with the germans. We tried to propogandize the good and evil in the war. Why? Because it's a WAR! We also found a way to inject humor into the most harrowing of subjects. (Kind of like when you get dumped and your friends laugh at you for crying and ask to see your vagina.)
he even had a best selling record at the time. "what made the red man red".
