Elmo in Grouchland:
Most people would pass off this movie as a fluff release from henson studios, but they'd be missing the grand picture. The movie tests our innate fears of security and friendship set against the harsh reality of the stench of human existence. The movie stars our favorite red protaganist and a host of other out-of-work actors. Namely, Vanessa Williams and Mandy (you killed mah father, prepare to die) Patankin.
Elmo starts as his usual prozac addicted-self while the story delves into an all too real imagination of elmo's best friend, his blanket. The blanket takes on a life of it's own as they share a dance number together. Oddly enough, this is one of the few times the blanket has it's own 'life-force', if you will. Reminds me of the REALLY old comics called Calvin and Hobbes (hey, I'm not even 2 yet remember?). The blanket doesn't seem to move for anyone but Elmo. Makes me wonder if there's some mental instability there, schizophrenia perhaps? (hey you try and spell that word when you're 1.5). The director may have been trying to get us to have empathy for the blanket and not just elmo. Possibly a light into our own insecurities as a nation? (we've been at war since before I was born, I've got to call em like I see 'em)
After a stomp-like musical number in the laundromat, Elmo and Zoe have a little spat which causes Elmo to lose his cool and say not so nice things to Zoe. Obviously his second best friend as his best friend is an inaminate piece of cotton fiber. This scene is actually replayed in Elmo's mind later in the movie. Proving that our evils are hoisted upon our conscious and it becomes our actions to bear witness to. This brings me around to our own little country, which has some villianous moments as well. Dick Cheney is scarier than that crazy looking santa or the Bunny that never stops smiling... creepy... especially if you happen to still be in diapers.
This is followed by a chase scene and a VERY violent crash involving a flying Grover and Big Bird standing around being no use to anyone. I've never liked that useless bird. Though he is used as a plot device to keep the story moving along. I do blame him a bit for Elmo ending up in grouchland. If Elmo had waited about 30 seconds the movie would have ended quite suddenly. However, against the advice of the group, he jumps into Oscar's can (hee hee) and gets pulled into grouchland.
Part 2 coming soon:
April, 18th, 2007 My parents came up to visit us recently.. why do you care? You don't. I mention it because they didn't come to see "us". They came to see "them". Them being the grandkids. Whenever my dad is up I quiz him about saying certain things apache. He reminded me how to say certain things like, "he doesn't listen" or "there's no way that's gonna fit in there".
But the funniest thing I asked him was how to say something like "good night". I already knew there is no way to say good-bye in apache. So I wasn't sure this one existed. He said, "well, you don't really say 'g'nite' as much as you just say... OK then".
*blink*
ok then.
April, 5th, 2007 Her: "aww.. prison is just like summer camp"
me: "yeah, except for the Rape"
Her: "Didn't they have rape at your summer camp?"
Me: "Of course not! .............. Well, unless it was church camp, then it's just expected"
March, 27th, 2007 Has to be the funniest thing I've seen since that time chuck e cheese got drunk and kicked kids in the nuts.
For the record, he was awake when he started driving. I guess he just needed a little cruise.
(2)(20)(7) This being the cathartic release of a website that this is, I really appreciate it when someone tells me something cracked them up while reading it. There are a lot of good writers out there and I'm honored to be compared to some of them. Though, I realize, most of the stuff I type is repeated crap. We all need to be more original in this life and possibly the next.
There are 2 things I need to complain about today.
The first was mentioned by my friend Bux. He has 4 kids. They constantly celebrate some mediocre milestone. I remember having a kindergarten graduation, and a high school graduation. It seems as though schools have take the Billy Madison route and decided to get drunk every single year for every single grade. I tell you, those 1st graders can't handle their tequila for shit.
Don't get me wrong, I think kids need encouragement, but you have to draw the line somewhere. Are we going to start celebrating every 9 weeks? Or maybe once a month there will be a school play about how last month was so hard, which will of course, will take a month to prepare for. I'm sure ya'll are thinking it's just dumb, but can you imagine what our parents or grandparents would've said if someone suggesting we have a graduation for 3rd, 4th and 5th graders?
He told me that a girl he knew, who was home-schooled, had a graduation party. I'm actually curious as to what happened there. My HS graduation was full of alcohol and drunk drivers out at the river throwing bottles at each other. What happens if you're homeschooled? Does your mom/teacher take you Denny's? What about that cute boy who's always coming b..my brother? Shit. What about that other gu.. cousin? wtf?
My other fun complaint?
Anna/Britney, no actually, I don't complain about them. The media coverage is over the top, but when else do you get a story of millionaire's losing their damn minds and having a photo to chronicle the demise? I understand there really ARE more pressing issues like the war and o'reilly's sandy vagina, but the downward spiral is a spectacle. It's like watching clowns getting shot out of a cannon. And I have to tell you, if they hit a wall before they hit the ground, the crowd WILL cheer.
We didn't force the clowns to put on makeup and shave their heads. Besides, everyone likes to see a rich spoiled brat get knocked into the gutter and peed on sometimes. Thats the beauty of not being rich and talentless. I'm poor and talentless, so it all sorta makes sense on my end.
What will never make sense to me, is the air of entitlement these 'famous' people get after making a few million. However, If they had earned the money and fame by right of their hard work, dedication and talent, then.. fine. But for the most part, these morons happened to be in the right place at the right time with the right marketing team. It's pretty close to a lottery win. Someone warm up the cannons.
(2)(12)(7) One update a month would lead to pretty shitty site. If this got that crappy I would honestly just shut it down.
That means I have to step up this updating and stop with the crap I normally put up here. I need more relevant stuff. I need more political stuff, I need to stop talking about myself so much. It's hard because I'm so awesome. But I'll try.
There's a great article here. It mentions how our brilliant minds that wrote the constitution relied on an "educated citizenry, said the Founders, but the majority view that Saddam Hussein was behind 9/11 proves how effective a bulwark our educational system is,". This pretty much hits the nail in the proverbial groin. The people in charge of running our country realized a long time ago that they could basically do anything and people will believe it. No matter the actual truth.
I've also come to more realizations that I'm old. Whenever I hear a song and immediately think "that sounds like....". Then I realized that bands nowadays are actually TRYING to bring back that 80's synth sound. Of course I think, why the fuck would anyone want to do that? It's not like the 80's had some great music with the pop synth crap of wham!. George Michael was NOT wearing his "choose Life" shirt as an answer to the abortion debate. Yes Ryan, I know you want to believe in his ability to make social statements while saying things like "wake me up before you go-go". But it's just not in the cards.
This page loses time to (as does everything else) to being a good dad. How does one know if he's being a good dad? Well, I don't. All I can do is put a roof over their head, food in their stomach and keep them in school. After that it's all beatdowns and sack races in the snapmouse household. You know, just trying to add normalcy to our lives, ya know? It's hard when you're an international spy/jet pilot and nobody knows which side you're truly on. But I know.. I know.
(1)(9)(7) I had a thought the other day. Well, I have a lot of thoughts but only about 5% make it to this page. I remembered this one.
Scientists have discovered that the reason men have nipples is because when the body is still forming in the womb, the determination for male and female hasn't been er... picked, yet. So the fetus is given nipples just in case. Sort of like packing extra socks. I was wondering, why did Jesus have nipples? Was god not sure if he was gonna go with a boy or girl for the 'son of god'. Was he/she going to be the 'daughter of god'? Was it a last minute decision? And don't give me any of that 'made in his image' crap because god has no use for nipples. Or does he?
You can say that if he didn't have nipples then people would think he was some freak or oddity. I guess walking on water or turning water into beer wasn't odd enough for you? If he was truly going to be the son of god and wanted people to take him seriously as having awesome super powers. , all he would have to do is flash his nipple-less chest and tell them, 'take that you half girl!'. And people would know he was the badass son of creation. No nipples. That's all it would take. You can go back to your regular scheduled programming.
(1)(3)(7) Happy birthday DAD! Father, papa. The man who taught me that honor was the most important thing a man can have. Now that I'm a dad I appreciate more of the things he did for me. The times he played football with me outside or the times he just rolled around playing on his knees in the living room. I always thought that was just something that was normal, I know now that he is a great man, and a great dad. If you were to ask my dad how old he is right now, he's say 35. Which means He was 2 when I was born.
When were in the store on the rez and needed him, we would yell "dad!". He would then correct us and say "uncle!". Apparently he didn't want to be blamed for something we would inexplicably do. I also remember when one of us would ask or say something retarded he would look dead into the person he was talking to's face and say "neighbor's kid". Then shrug. He raised 5 of his own kids and 2 more after that. He's handled more than I can ever hope to. He is my hero. I hope he has a good birthday.
11.0 1.6 20.06 THere's a turkey day coming up. I actually like thanksgiving. Not because of the holiday it seems to represent, (colonists coming to the americas and sharing food with the natives, pshh.. yeah) but because I get a couple days off work and I basically just eat and watch sports. You can celebrate almost anything and equate it to food and sports and I'll be happy to celebrate it. Hell, my tribe takes off columbus day. COLUMBUS DAY! I don't even get that day off and ON MY RESERVATION they get the paid vacation day. Am I the only one who sees the problem with this?
10.0 2.5 20.06 When the hell did this happen? The other night I'm trying to explain to my 6yr old what "cool" is. I don't mean cool as in hip and trendy, I mean like fonzie cool. Who's always calm and collected, in a way that she would know. The fonzie reference is almost beyond my age group. So she would have no idea. I sat there and tried to think of all the characters she knows and likes. Raven, Drake and Josh, Cody and Milo... err.. ok, I don't know all those characters on the disney channel. But it sure as shit wouldn't be any of those people. They're spazzed-out-over- reacting-for-the-sake-of-the-show-beyond-normal-reason characters.
Who the hell is cool? I don't mind being out of the loop on current fashion trends and even music. But, isn't there one 'always in control' character somewhere on the market? Could I use Hermoine from harry potter? This is even more proof that I'm getting old. no.. scratch that. More proof that I'm already OLD. It didn't sneak up on me though. I'm an indian, you can't sneak up on an indian. This indian is old. I don't have white hair, but when I do get it, I'm growing it long and convincing people that I'm cool.
What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. If you have any idea what character would have it all together, I'd like to speak to you. Maybe they're trying to teach kids that it's okay to freak out sometimes and act like you require a ritalin inhaler, but, where's my fonzie? What 6 year old knows how to be 'cool' and 'relaxed'. Where's the cool role models? somebody bring back fonzie!
10.0 1.9 20.06 More things from Snapmouse
A radio ad recently stated you can win a "chauffeured limo ride". Since when did you win a limo WITHOUT a chauffeur? Are you supposed to get one yourself? Or perhaps drive the limo on your own and pretend you're having a good time in the back. Wouldn't just stating you'll win a limo ride be enough to assume the chauffeur is included? Why am I the only one complaining about this?
There's a TV ad with 2 guys running against a marathon in fish suits. It wasn't for a few seconds that I realized they were salmon who were 'running upstream'. I would've loved to be in on that conversation.
guy 1: "dude, let's put on fish suits"
guy 2: "you mean, like sharks?"
guy 1: "no, I mean, like fish, salmon, you know?"
guy 2: "that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why would I want to dress up as a salmon"
guy 1: "then we can run the opposite direction of the people in the marathon and we'll be *pause* running upstream".
guy 2: "..... you sir, are a genius"
The radio ad for On the Border mexican Cantina is horrible enough to give me cancer. Wait, a sec, i mean, canteeeeeeeena. The commentators (kristeeena and who-won) can speak perfect english until it comes to a spanish word or even a spanish SOUNDING word. It makes my ears want to kill the fake accent users with their own vocal chords. I have no idea why on the border feels the need to use fake mexicans to sell food. I'm willing to be the people making the food in this franchise (yes, it is) are not mexican and don't speak spanish or WITH accents. Why the fake annoying sell? It just leads to people getting swung around the room by their tongues. And although pretty funny, it's just not worth the battery charges.
The last random thought for today.
Why are they still putting car alarms on cars? Does anyone ever even turn and look anymore when a car alarm goes off? They need to invent something more potent. Like a car alarm vasectomy kit. Too violent? You people are weak. Maybe a car alarm mace spray. Tazer? Something that leaves the would be theif twitching and soaking in his own vomit til you show up to kick him in the crotch a few (hundred) times ... and maybe call the cops. Maybe. After you pee on him.
10.0 1.3 .06 (from the cubicle of Ronin Dodge) Man, that was a hell of a week. Where am I? What day is it? Did you know they tried to kill me with a sugar overdose? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, but it's a good thing child services doesn't do a random sugar level testing on 1 yr olds.
Now that I'm one, I'd like to remind everyone (ahem:parental units) that I'll be graduating from High School soon so I'll need a college fund for my car and beachfront apartment. If I'm anything like dad, you may have less than 17 years. Get on it slackers. (my sister would like me to mention it's only about 12 years for her).
The party was a success. Everyone said how cute I am (naturally) how smart I am (duh) and how I was able to ride down the steps without getting hurt. I tried to tell them it's because I'm awesome. They were all worried while they ran down the after me. I attempted to do a victory dance but I was snatched up off the ground because everyone thought I was 'hurt' or something. pshh.. like that would hurt me.
I've also got words of wisdom now that I've gained all these years of experience. (hey, when did you ever learn to hold your head up, crawl, walk and talk all the same year... thought so.). I know people still learning to speak a second language. What a bunch of dorks. I have learned much in my year on the big blue.
: even though play doh looks and smells yummy, it's really weird tasting.
: crying about something, usually works. (also following them around and looking like a sad quack-quack always works).
: baths are 100times greater with bubbles. why anyone would take a bath without bubbles is beyond me.
: I truly believe if I put my hands behind me and lean forward, then I will run faster.
: Doctor people who give shots are evil and must be hunted and killed with a thousand needles
: Going to the doctor every three months is like a bad prison sentence.
9.0 2.8 .06 One year ago today I was sitting in a hospital room.
Waiting for the lady who helps babies show up. They weren't sure how long it was gonna take. I had been awake since 5:30am. I needed a nap. My girl was watching the cosby show with me while we waited. Neither of us had eaten.
I wanted to sleep. I don't remember sleeping. She says I did.. and snored. It doesn't seem like it's been a year. maybe about.. 4 months. But not a whole year. a year ago, we had this little guy.
he couldn't talk, walk or say the alphabet backwards. all he could do was blink and poop. And he wasn't that good at blinking. We spent the next 2 and half days trying to decide what to name him. We even took to writing our two names really big on the back of a Tim's Pizza box and judging how they would look written down. We asked everyone. I mean EVERYONE. There were phone calls made and political lines were drawn. I think someone cried. (it didn't work for me by the way). Alas we met Ronin.
One year later. we have.
and now he can walk, sorta talk and says the alphabet. (if you count mommamamamamamamamamamamamama as a representation of the letters he's trying to say). He loves books and walking around outside. Basically, anything that has to with anything that's outside. Also steps.. and dogs.
if you haven't figured it out yet. Today is birthday number One. He probably won't remember it and I'm sure he has no idea why people will be making him eat cake tonight. He also won't care. Why? Because he has cake. duh.
His nickname has evolved. He was called Ronin for about the first 2 weeks home. Then it became Ro. He has since been called "Buster" by me because I thought it was funny. "poopersmith" for obvious reasons, and when he was about 3 months old, we found out he liked music because he danced. So he became "boogie". And he really does. Boogie that is. So now you can call him, Ro, Ro-ro, boogie, or boog.
My birthday was also a few days ago, and I thought it was going to be impossible to top last year, but this year.. perfection. If I told ya'll how good my birthday was, you would petition to turn it into a national holiday. There's no way she can do it again next year. So here's to a quick year. I'm sure the next one will fly be even faster.
So five years ago. blah, blah, you want some nice commentary and empty words from that moron we voted in, look it up. Personally I prefer Kieth Olbermann blasting the current regime for not doing something as simple as a memorial in the five years since the towers fell upon themselves. Let alone catch the guy who did it. Kill thousands of innocent soldiers and still have nothing to show for it, well, you go ahead and say bush is 'doing a good job'. Talk about how he's protecting us and has been doing a good job now that you can't bring nail clippers and bottles of water onto airplanes. Even though it's been PROVEN that it wasn't very hard to sneak ACTUAL explosives onto a plane. Tell me how the illegal wiretapping managed to catch and foil all the plans without the political 'we're so great' spin on it. I'm sick of that shit.
On to more interesting things. Like things I have brilliantly thought up in my head. Or stole from other people.
If you're in the fast lane and there are lots of cars behind you, you're not going fast. I don't care how loud your stereo, what song is on the radio or the metallica sticker on our window. Please for the love of bob, move.
If you see a ball of light coming up in your rearview mirror, that's me. Move.
Yes, I know I'm speeding. Yes I know it's dangerous (according to the government and you can always believe them right?), and yes, I don't care what you think of my doing 75 on the freeway. I'm such a rebel... I guess.
Some people don't know how to do certain things I do. People can do things I have no idea how to do. However, If they say, try this, I'll try it. If I say "here, put this cd into your computer and follow the directions", I'm not asking you to do a highly technical network job. I'm asking you to read (in english) the screens and do what it says. Please don't argue with me before you even ATEMPT this or I may just have to unscrew your head from your neck and wear your head around like hat for the rest of the day.
Never ever buy pringles from a gas station. They've been shaken and dropped so many times, you're not really buying chips, as your buying the bottom of a bag of chips.
When your co-worker asks, "are you at your desk?", nothing good ever happens next.
I would like to suggest a new standard procedure for getting help from my IT Dept.
1. Send message / e-mail
2. (if no reply to #1) Call extension, explain problem. ('it's not working', is not a viable explanation of your problem and I may bang the phone against the wall before hanging up on you and writing your name on my 'people to kill' list)
3. never under any circumstances should you come into my office and stand behind me and wait for me to fix your problem. If you're standing behind me and waiting for me to fix your problem, you should be on fire, or ... no, that's all acceptable reasons for doing such a thing. If you're not on fire and you want me to drop everything I'm doing til you leave my office, your problem just became the least important thing to me. Your problem is no less important than picking up that leaf in my yard. Sure I can move it, but the wind will probably blow it away. That's how important your problem is to me.
Just for good measure, let's all follow George Carlins rules as well:
George Carlin's new rules for 2006
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket: water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his butt will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, haf-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your butt. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place
9.0 0.1 .06 (from the desk of Ronin Dodge) The days are getting closer to my birthday. Apparently my dad's day is coming up but I can't count that high and he's too old to want a new bike or pony, or, whatever they rode back then.. covered wagons maybe?
He told me what he wanted for his birthday. Mom says he's hard to shop for. I don't know what to get people too old to enjoy anything. Here's what he told me. Logitech® MX™1000 Laser Cordless Mouse (why he wants a little squeeky animal when he's already got me is beyond my 11 month reasoning.. apparently)
A Man Can Plan - book - OK, he might actually need this one. The big doof knows how to make cereal and burn water. I'm getting tired of him feeding me crackers and pudding like I'm some damn parakeet.
8.0 1.6 .06 The funniest and warm fuzzy thing I've read today. From Jim: (hope he doesn't mind me posting this)
you were missed at little beavers
i had to sit and make sarcastic remarks by myself
i'm pretty funny
Not the missed at little beavers part, the part where he mentions how funny he is. I miss hanging out with Jim. He's funnier than I am and if I could only record our conversations we could make a show about nothing.
Being a new dad I'm constantly trying to figure out new things to feed my kids when I finally make it home at 6pm. It's gotta be quick because they'll probably starve and keep me up all night if I feed them too late. We can't always rely on pizza bites and mini corn dogs. Lord knows they were perfect when I was in college but apparently children need more vitamins and ministers.. or something. I don't know the doctor had a booger hanging out and I found it hard to concentrate on what she was saying.
So I go to a few recipe sites and try to find something that our picky 6 yr old will eat and also something healthy enough for our smaller one. It's tough to find something that's a) easy b)fast and c)doesn't look like someone retched a macaroni/corn experiment.
The ones I find that look good enough to eat, have strange instructions. Not that any of it is difficult, I mean strange that it states "10 minute meals" and when you read the directions, they didn't include thawing or cooking the meat/chicken/soylent green. Apparently these people have their food already 'browned' for them before they start cooking. Like there's a team of mexican ladies right outside the window waiting to throw you the ingredients already chopped and diced like some crazy immigrant assembly line. They also seem to have ingredients I've no understanding of the use. Things like paprika and .. salt. Who the hell has 42 different types of herbs and spices? I think for a while we had sage growing in our backyard. It's supposed to be good for eating. When I was on the rez, we had SAGEBRUSH which was good for..... wait for it... helping your feet smell less like old cheese and more like well, a plant.
So after weeding out the idiotic, 'easy to make if you have a restaurant style kitchen', recipes. I'm left with things like carbonera, which is noodles, bacon, peas.... . hmm. looks like you cook the noodles, easy, fry up bacon, no problem, warm up peas, place on top of spaghetti noodles and bacon. Give fancy name like carbonera. ohhh..kaaaaay. This isn't going to fool anyone. Not even our 10 month old who likes to suck on shoelaces would be fooled by peas on spaghetti. His first words would be "what kinda lazy shit-meal is this?".
So I'm stuck back at square one. What to feed the kids that will make them strong healthy mcdonald eating americans. It seems the native american diet of fry bread and government cheese leads to a lot of early deaths. It could be the 3 cups of sugar we make with our kool-aid or the government cheese that doesn't melt in any microwave made on this planet. For some reason, the cheese also "sweats". I'm not sure I want to eat something that feels the need to cool itself off.
Since I don't want my children to have the same atrocious eating habits I do, I've been making an attempt at healthier lifestyle. Before burger kings and that stuff they call meat at taco bell. Don't get me wrong. We're still making Sonic runs and ordering pizza hut because I happen to be lazy, I just can't make it a habit for my kids' sake. I just find it difficult to find an easy answer. There have been recipe books around since my dad discovered fire. But nobody has gotten a handle on this quick healthy meal thing for working parents.
Website upon website are full of uselss tidbit of information. Brilliant ideas from parents to get kids to eat by saying "we ask them to take one bite... and it usually works", either they have dumbass kids or we have a pair of evil geniuses in the making. As much as I like to think my kids are brilliant (he still pulls the hat off his head then squints when the sun hits his eyes, he can't be THAT smart), asking them 100 times to try a bite and then pretending they hate it, is not beyond any child's reach of oscar worthy scenes. I especially like the, I'm about to puke so I should run to the bathroom, trick. It takes a lot of commitment to the craft.
So to you moronic website contributors.. I don't wish any real harm to you, I just want you to be attacked by gorillas used for viagra testing... or was that my plan for Dubya?
8.0 0.3 .06 My sister takes better pictures than me. It's hard for me to admit it. But this year she took some pictures at my softball game and caught this one. It's a great shot.
Then the other day, we went to a Royals game and she started taking a few pictures of players as they were hitting. She managed to get Mark Teahan as he hit his 10th homerun of the season.
I'm officially jealous. I've taken a lot of pictures at baseball games hoping to get the perfect moment or frame the perfect shot, and it's just never QUITE happened
Sure I've taken a number of cool pictures, but I thought these 2
were the perfect example of what I like to capture. The beauty of sport and the split second when games are won and lost. Ok, maybe not that serious, but I love me a good sports moment. If I was any type of decent artist I'd draw moments in sports that show things like this.
Maybe I'm just critical of my own work. Maybe my eyes are broken or my timing is bad. Either way, these are cool pics. Just thought I'd share.
While I'm in the picture posting mood. How about a quick comparison shot. Here's a pic of my son and mouseover to see his dad. (yeah, that's me you smartasses).
7/ 28 /6 post by the Ronin So the old dude is slackin again. I figured when I got older I'd inherit something cool, like a gold watch or a Dinosaur tooth. Not this stupid site. I'll bet I can't even sell it to get me a new monkey. Hold on.... ... .. . . . . nope, not even monkeyworthy.
Lately the old guy and pretty girl have been all excited because I've been using my feet to get from A to B. They seem to think this is some special trick. I don't see it, as everyone I meet can do it. Except for cousin 'itchy'. But she's just a baby, I'll be she still doesn't eat popsicles.
Speaking of popsicles, oh, my. err.. cookie monster. THose things are the greatest things ever. I used to think it was those cookies, oh how wrong I was. Popsicles that melt when you suck on them and then turn into juice is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Granted, everything I see is from under 28 inches, but still, it's like magic sweet nectar of the heavens.
I have yet to discover anything as interesting to eat as dirt and leaves. For some reason someone always yells when I manage to eat some. Don't they know I need to TASTE it in order to understand it? It's still the most entertaining food. The texture is nice as well. I'll have to try to order some next time we go out to eat. Normally when we go out I tell the waiter my order (steak, medium rare, baked potato, extra cheese light sour cream, and a dr. pepper), and the tall dumb guy says something moronic like "chicken strips" or "kid's meal". He's really starting to annoy me.
There is another discovery I've been wanting to tell all you other under 10month olds reading this site. Stairs. The big people always say "nooooo" and shake their head. I have no idea what that means, so I shake my head as well. Must be some primitive form of communication that happens when you get too old and senile. It also worries me a bit when my sister goes away for a few days or a weekend. Did they send her to some training facility? Is she being brainwashed somewhere..or.. oh no.. maybe they made her get a JOB! Holy squishy in my diaper! I'll have to discover this horrible secret sometime. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, stairs. They look cool as hell. When you throw something down them, it makes a lot of noise and you can watch the carnage ensue. I've tried to go down myself and figure out how it all works, but someone always manages to stop me. They tell me No again and again, which I find quite amusing.
The main reason I'm here today is to let all my fans know my birthday is coming up at the end of september. There are plenty of 'educational' toys that are on the market and things the 'expand my mind' but I really just want something to throw down the and tear apart. Paper towels have a never ending enjoyment factor of 10+. I rip one all apart and it leaves a sort of trail of accomplishment. I also find boxes interesting and cold things that go into my mouth would also be a good avenue to pursue. Just thought I'd give you all a heads up. For you under 10 months old. keep your head up and your feet warm. When they try to let you cry, remember, their stamina is relative to how tired they are. So cry away. I'll bet your mom and dad won't last more than 10 minutes after a hard week's work.
6.0 2.3 .06 Most blogs out on the interweb are pretty boring. Mine included. They usually have some story about what they did that day and how they feel about it. Sometimes they talk about their relationships or what their stupid kids are doing, or how lame their parents are. Most of the time it's something cathartic and not egocentric to share your thoughts online knowing nobody will read it. At least, I hope most people who write this stuff knows there are a small amount of people who give a crap. So I try to put my stories in a different perspective. The thing is, what's so different about me? Am I interesting? Well, if you ask the people that know me, they'll say.. 'maybe'. Which is basically.. no, snapmouse, you're not.
So what can I do to actually make people not only WANT to read this, but stay interested long enough to stay? Honestly, who knows. The american public is fickle. There are good writers out there who continually keep me giggling in my chair. (Tucker Max and the guy from WWTDD come to mind). You have to come up with some universal appeal. Talking to a small core of people is nice, but if notariety is your goal, you have to tap into that thing everyone thinks is funny/interesting/topical/controversial/stupifying and fucking tremendous. There are a number of people who make smart compelling arguments and have a delicate touch and sensitivity for both sides of an issue.. those people are boring. What makes the news and gets people talking is the most extreme fucked up shit you can think of. It's like those tasteless jokes books have suddenly come to life.
"I think I'm gonna kill all the jews and a clown"
"why a clown?"
"see, nobody cares about the jews".
That's why there are famous assholes. Because they're good at being assholes. From the guy protesting funerals to Ann Coulters ginormous hands. The problem is I'm not controversial and again, not very interesting. The only thing I have going for me is the that I'm an Apache indian from a tiny town working as a computer geek for a nationwide mortgage company. My life can be interesting.... to me. But it's not that compelling. I don't fight grizzly bears and wrestle facemask wearing mexicans. Though I'm trying to figure out how to squeeze those activities into my lunch break. This site would go from blah, to blahwsome.
I'm sure you'd come come back on a daily basis if I described my latest battle with el flatuloso down on the corner of westport and broadway. How he tried to throw me thru the window at starbucks while yuppie hipsters stared in disbelief while trying to catch the action on the their camera phones. If you watch them long enough trying to take a picture it looks like a bunch of star trek nerds taking readings with their tri-corders. (the guy in the red shirt always dies). After I dispose of the masked wrassler by hitting him (repeatedly) over the head with a patio chair and throwing some poor girl's double thick, half cream half vanilla soy grande latte in his face (whew), I can come back here and post the exciting story.
Alas, my life isn't that noteworthy. There are no masked wrestlers. Nobody answers the challenges I belt out while on the corner and people tend to call the cops when I hit them with a chair. So now what? Well, I can always hope to entertain even when I have a story about that homeless guy who told me the same sob story 2 days in a row. When I almost had to punch some dude at supercuts for not understanding that I'm not mexican. I just hope you're entertained and I can throw my indian (Native American for you PC assholes) views onto this city life I manage to survive. Mostly, I hope you're entertained even on days like today, when there's really a story about well, nothing.
6.0 1.9 .06 Last weeked was my first ever father's day. And let me tell you guys something. It was a fantastic day. I was gonna add a curse word in there, but you all might think I was being sarcastic. No it was really a kick ass day. My girl got Ronin out of bed early (before he started yelling for food) and I managed to sleep for an extra hour. I think I stayed in bed til almost 8:30. It was like getting 3 extra days rest. I got a new sony camcorder and if you know me, it's all about the toys. I love my technical toys. Can't wait to see what it can do. (I've actually got the manual in my pocket right now.. no, I'm not a nerd.. shut up). We went to best buy (yay!) and Barnes and Noble (yay again). Ronin was in a smiley mood and Byrd was playing quietly on the computer. I got my toy and we went out for breakfast, my day could've ended right there and it would've been the greatest Father's day ever. After the shopping we played in the pool with the new camera. Sat outside and nobody cooked, we just sat downstairs, ate some leftover meat from the day before and watched cartoons or something. It didn't matter. I had the best father's day ever.
For the record. Ronin has already made me bleed. I was lying the floor while he crawled up and 'meathooked' my nose upside down. His little nails scraped the inside of my nose and when I turned over, blood started trickling out. So for anyone who has the pool going. The winner is 8 months. The next pool will probably be "when will Ronin hit Billy in the nuts" Or "when will he knock an eyeball out." He's actually getting better and throwing stuff and today was the FIRST DAY I've ever dropped him off at daycare and he cried for us. I guess there's a downside to him learning new stuff. He figured out when we're trying to ditch him. Poor lil fella.
I have another softball game tonight. My knee has been... wait. I'm not saying anything. No Jinxin for me tonight. Just wanted to let you all know how perfect my father's day was.
6.0 1.5 .06
I've told people this story already and figured I should just share with the other 2 readers on my site. (hi mom and dad)..
I'm playing softball again. Yup, you read that right. Snapmouse is back on the diamond. Though, when I'm on the diamond I've been called Big Fee and Crash, but we won't get into those nicknames because well... they make no sense. At least it's better than 'wrinkle'. I'm excited to be back playing again. It's nice to have a ball hit at me and smell the leather from my thong. The problem is.. it's a church league.
That's not the problem in itself. The problem is because the guys running it are kinda.. 'churchy'. It's fine for them, but I don't know what jesus and baseball have to do with each other. IF they were to ask me I'd tell them I believe in the baseball gods and my cathedrals are ballparks. The good news is, nobody's asked me. I don't know what I'd tell them for sure. I'd like to tell them I don't believe in Jesus. I'd like to inform them of my agnosticism. Though, I'm not sure I'm even THAT. I grew up on the rez. I went to catholic school. I do not like organized religion. They are; to quote a talking fish I caught once, 'the opiate of the masses'. Religion isn't a bad thing. Christianity in it's present form isn't terrible. As with most groups, the extreme ones are the ones that ruin it for everyone else. Have I run into any extreme christians in my group? Not at all. Not yet. I'm hoping those people don't play softball.
The christian belief system these people adhere to might even be the reason I'm able to play softball again. Someone woke up one night with Jesus talking to them and said "if you start a league, they will come". They've welcomed me with open arms. If that's what their doctrine holds, then I'm glad they believe in it. My love for baseball is glad they believe in it. If Jesus really DID tell them to play ball, then jesus fucking rocks. They could believe even more and send people over to mow my lawn and paint my house, but you know.. baby steps. The point I'm trying to make is these guys have been pretty cool. Waaay back in the far recesses of my brain, I still hear.
"SNAPMOUSE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN JESUS!". One of these days someone might ask me why I'm giggling when the preacherman is talking and I'll have to say something quick and clever like "Look those dogs are doing it!". And run away real fast.
Will this ever happen? Do I fear my church softball career is in jeapordy? Not really. It just makes me a little nervous when they start talking about jesus and I have to fight the urge to cuss when I miss a play. I always thought "shit" was a pretty minor swear word. I'm positive everyone cusses when they play ball right? Why am I the only one I ever hear yelling shit or JESUS MOTHERFUCK ME IN THE ASS! It's just something all ballplayers do right?
Maybe one day I'll sit down and try to explain my belief system. Maybe one day I'll turn into a bear and start stealing picnic baskets. Neither one will probably happen. THough, if one of them does and I do manage to turn into a bear, I'll definitely share my beliefs.
1. Make friends with smaller bear, rename to boo boo
2. Steal Pic-a-nic baskets
3. Eat food in baskets.
5.0 2.6 .06
This weekend the DaVinci code broke and people went to see it in droves. drones, ... err.. sheep. I baabaa'd my in on friday and actually enjoyed it. Any movie that exposes the basis of christianity as a lie is good in my book. It's more a history lesson wrapped in a conspiracy theory wrapped in Tom Hanks' stupid haircut. It'll probably make it's money back in 2 weeks thus making Tom even richer and me $15 poorer. Tom deserves my money right? He's worked hard all these years. Right? Had to endure paparazzi and other jackals and sell off his privacy for a mere multi-million dollar life.. right? He's talented and err.. well.. he's.. funny.. probably. I don't know, I never met him and he's really good at.. memorizing..lines and stuff. That's gotta take some skill... right? Tom Cruise does it. His movie probably won't make back half of what it cost to make, but still, just because your movie fails doesn't mean you don't deserve the millions you were paid.. right? I mean, if my project at work fails miserably.. I'll still be hired to do the same thing over and over right? I won't make the millions cruise makes, but.. he's got a talent of some sort. He's good at... acting. right? Acting? That's the skillset? The craft? Why he has so much money?
I wonder if I could be good at acting? There are a lot of actors. There aren't that many who make $25mil a picture like Reese Witherspoon. But then, you know, she was in all those great movies like... Well, maybe it's more like the lottery? Hell, anyone has a chance at the lottery don't they? Can I throw my name in the actors hat and take my chances? Or does that require acting SCHOOL? There's a school to LEARN to PRETEND. That doesn't even sound like a real job. It's something you read about in Harry Potter. If I practice being an 'actor' could I get paid millions have my biggest complaint be people taking pictures of me? Still, doesn't seem that hard to walk down the street with people taking pictures of me and asking me what color my poop was. How would I know, I don't look in the toilet when I'm done... mostly. I could always go back to the rez and laugh at paparazzi being arrested for having cameras on indian land. Actors are morons.
So is practice all it takes to become a 'good' actor? I know you can become a pretty good bowler if you practice a lot. Other sports actually take talent AND practice. Without the talent, all the practice in the world won't land you a multi-million dollar contract or a per-episode million. I've actually had the argument once when a girl told me and doc that if we practiced ENOUGH we could be as good as Michael Jordan. Umm.. No you rejected dip stick, there is no WAY practice can replace talent and skill. It's not only limited to basketball. Many sports (and golf, I guess) require some modicum of talent before making the upper echelon of the big money earners. But.. actors? Bowlers? I'm not buying it.
I'm contending anyone can become a great actor or bowler. You can probably interchange the careers and make one more interesting than the other. We only like to read celebrity sites because they have money. I want to know what rich people do with their money. Why? Because I want to have that option. Everyone has thought about what they would do with $50 mill from the lottery. I contend that these so called actor/bowlers hit the lottery and we want to know what they do with the money. I'm sure if they had a show about what lottery winners doing stupid shit with their money it would be JUST as interesting. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I should get back on medication. Maybe you and your blue faries should stop watching me while I sleep. It's creepy. umm.. what?
Let's take into consideration the talent required to be an act..er.. bowl...Bactor? Actler? Bowlact? Actoler? Yeah, Actoler. To be a good actoler you have have
1. a head.
2. at least 3 fingers (to fit in the holes of course) and
C. be breathing.
Now that we've eliminated christopher reeves, let's see. Good looking head? Well, there are some Actolers that aren't very good looking but make lots more money than you do. How does that make you feel there? huh ugly? Your chihuahua face could potentially be worth millions. Don't tell that to clint howard though. He's Ron Howard's brother and even though he's uglier than your prom date, I'm guessing he's not poor either. (I decided against putting a picture of Clint Howard up so as not scare our young readers).
It bothers me sometimes to see people raking in ungodly amounts of money when they're main skill is remembering and talking words someone else wrote for them. I seem to recall I did a good rendition of an avocado in the 3rd grade once. Hell, I was more believable than those highly paid rich actolers. Other than the "talent" of possibly being good looking, I'm not sure why my stellar avocado performance didn't rake in at least HUNDREDS in endorsement deals. And you ask "but Snap, couldn't ANYONE have played the avocado?". And that's when I go back to throwing bowling balls at you. Because of course, there's no better way to make a point than by hurling a large blunt object. Yes, ANYONE could have been the avocado. ANYONE could have filled a lot of movie roles. ANYONE could win the lottery and ANYONE could become a really good bowler. Hell, some 85 year old just bowled a perfect game! How difficult can it be?
Think of some really shitty movies and actors you know. Think... Pauly Shore. Think. BioDome. These guys could've easily been working jobs selling lane oil and handing your shoes to you. They shouldn't be living in a beach house. If you win the lottery, then .. oh wait. It is a lottery isn't it? It's a big actoler lottery. Bowler and Actors meet in LA and see if people like your face enough to put it on the big screen. If you don't win, then you can become a bowler or an avocado. I really would care more if a bear was chasing you so it doesn't matter.
There are a lot of piss poor actors who are living the good life. I'd like to say there are a lot of good actors who deserve all the fame and fortune. But are they good because they're good? Or just because they've been doing it so long that we're convinced they're good. I don't have the answer, but there are also a lot of bowlers who live the good life. Are they REALLy good? Or have they just been playing so long that they're better and we're convinced.....etc..etc. Etc.
They now have commercials at the beginning of DVD's asking you not to 'steal' movies or buy 'pirated' dvd's. It makes me laugh because I wonder who's really getting the shaft here. I don't see Reese having trouble feeding her family or Ashton Kutcher flipping fries. So those ads imploring for the end of pirates is more humorous than persuasive. Even if I was taking money from Johnny Knoxville's pockets.... what's to say his multiple skills won't keep him from ending up in the welfare line? Also can you collect unemployment if you were told you sucked at acting? I mean.. if that is your skillset and job.
I would've finished this earlier but I have a minor case of ADD and it took me a few days to remember why I was so.. hey look a bird!. And here's Ronin who just figured out how to crawl. Have a good weekend. Don't get attacked by armed penguins or lemurs with switchblades. (though it would be an adorable way to die).
5.0 1.9 .06
I wanted to work on this today, but since I'm leaving work early and going on a hot date with a girl WAAAY outta my league, I'll just leave you with this video. I think this video brought breakdancing back into the mainstream. Which is why you sometimes feel like you stepped by into the 80's somedays when you see them damn kids. heh.
Next week I want to compare actors and bowlers. How much do they REALLY have in common?
I just wanted to post the updated photo album. It's kinda long, but it's been a while since I've posted one. Hope you enjoy.
4.0 2.1 .06
If you work on computers at your job and have an IT dept. you should read this. There are some good points he makes about how IT treats their users and why they don't get along. One the biggest things he says that I agree with is: 20% of users cause 80% of the problems. I can't tell you how true this is. There are some people I rarely ever talk to because they manage to fix the problems they come across. Some of them I have to make a point to stop and chat with them otherwise I won't ever see them. Then there's the other ones. The ones that make me groan when I hear their voice. You know what most of them don't realize? I can RECOGNIZE their VOICE. My mom calls up and I have to ask that lady what she's trying to sell me. That is until she says "it's mom". Then I'll hear the first syllabic grunt of a users voice and know immediately my day just went from shit to storm. What does that tell you?
Allow me to pick out some good passages in case you don't feel like reading it all. Work ethic: Nothing pisses me off more than lazy people, especially those who try to use technobabble to hide incompetence.This reveals one of IT peoples' worst behavioral traits. They assume that because users don't understand IT, they must be stupid. It's a fatal flaw
This is one reason that I hate most computer guys. The worst ones were always losers or dorks in high school and now they've gained some sort of false superiority complex because people need them. Just because you happen to know ONE thing better than others does not give you the right to treat them like morons. Even if they are missing the dna to qualify as an ape. Most of those people probably know something YOU don't. You just don't happen to work in the stamp collecting or 'lighting shit on fire' business so you don't require their expertise. Trust me, if you asked their advice on which poop burns brightest, they would probably give you an honest answer instead of being all smarmy about it. So stop being a dick. This is also the reason I hate doctors, lawyers and mechanics. Not that they're all bad, they just use their own "technobabble" to fleece people without the same knowledge.
"I come from a long helpdesk background and am now a senior developer at a mid-sized company. Unlike most of you nerds there's one thing I enjoy more than "being right" and that's "being lazy." That's why I love stupid users. I loved having a job where the biggest problem I faced in a day was telling a user to turn their monitor on. Or turn their caps lock off.
I love being lazy too. Hell, I have something to do right now and I'd rather not.
Sometimes you just have to accept, "It was a problem with the hosts file and it was throwing off sendmail" without probing into sendmail.mc theory. And as far as explaining it in non-techie terms, I can only dumb down SSH tunnels and the TCP/IP protocol so much before I want to jab myself in the eye with a spork.
Yeah. Well, in actuality, I don't know why resetting your motherboard will reseat your Network card and get you back online. All I know is your drivers disappeared and this is the fastest way to make it work again. If you'd like to know why, well, you'll have to come over later for your MCSE training.
"Many supposed IT problems should actually be solved by HR with a good talking to about abuse of company resources and how that might limit your career. Calling IT when you forget your password for the 5th time that month or with some dumb question because you are too lazy to crack open a manual is no better than stealing office supplies or equipment. It's all just stealing resources. 20% of the users create 80% of the work for IT."
I love going to somebody's desk and they ask me why their computer is crashing and I notice they've got weatherbug, weatherstation, desktop calendar and screensaver.com software on their machine. The first thing I do is tell them about all the crap they installed and 95% of the time I get "I never installed anything". *sigH* Look here fuckwit. There ARE some programs that install and hijack without your permission, YOU don't have them. I can tell the goddamn difference. It's what I do for a living. When you clicked "OK" to install the screensaver there was a about 10 pages of legal reference that you just agreed to bend your computer over with. And believe me, these add-on/third party/affiliate company, programs are not gentle like your uncle. They are named Rock and rule the prison yard. They leave your machine curled up and sobbing in the corner. Now it's MY job to give it therapy? Sometimes this shit should be handled by the boss. That's all I'm sayin.
There needs to be an SLA on individual behavior because otherwise, the problems inevitably lead to draconian crackdowns by IT that make the problems even worse. One example: a company wide ban on "non-essential" websites because a few bozos insist on sending sports video files to each other over the e-mail system. Meanwhile, no one can log into their online banking site anymore to make a quick payment at lunchtime--payments that take 30 minutes less than having to drive to the bank branch to do the same thing. The internet is part of our lives now. People start to hate IT when this happens. Users that get out of hand have to be dealt with by their bosses, not by IT.
Yeah this is what it leads to. People wanting to do simple innocuous things now have been banned because of a random rule breaker. This doesn't always happen in computer speak but also with Leave time, sick pay and other freedoms some asshole thought he could exploit the system with. This is one of those things I've bitched about many times when I say people think they're some special snowflake. Just because you have 3 toes and your parents were related doesn't mean you get to fuck up the world for everyone else. There is such a thing as the greater good and watching streaming tv does nothing but hurt your fellow co-workers. If you happen to hate your coworkers, then you should get another job BEFORE ruining everyone else's happy little zuma playing days fuckface. I guess it's a sore point with me. Just a little. I'm working on it. Try not to break your keyboard, I don't feel like carrying another one over to you in the rain.
4.0 1.8 .06 From the desk of Ronin Dodge:
Dad has been too lazy and tired to keep this updated so looks like I'm going to be picking up his slack. I don't know why he's so tired. I'M the one that had a rough nite. Picture this, I'm lying on couch taking a quick little doze and the next thing you know it's cold, dark and there's a damn fish staring at me. What the hell people?!? Can't a guy just take a nap on the couch anymore? My stomach is making noise as well so I may as well call for room service. The big guy with short hair comes in and asks how I'm doing. I try to yell at him for plopping me into this "caged bed" but he just picks me up and carries me into some lighted room.
He shoves a bottle in my face and that seemed to take care of my stomach noises and he's got me warmed back up again, so I close my eyes. What does that bastard do next? Drops in the same cold bed with the same cold fish? WTF!? I just barely fell asleep! What happened to the comfy warm guy? So I proceed to yell at him for such shoddy service. I swear you can't get good room service these days. He picks me back up so I stop yelling at him and close my eyes. Guess what he does. Yup.. put me bACk in the cage! Oh I'm so peeing on him when I get the chance.
For some reason, he's not around anymore and when I yell for him, he doesn't show up. He must've gone on break or something. I figure as long as I'm awake, I'll holler a bit and see if I can get the nice long haired girl in here to keep me warm. That damn bear in my bed isn't any help. He just stares at me with that stupid bear face. Stupid bear.
It's been about 8 minutes and still nothing. Someone needs to fire the guy with dark hair. He's getting to be pretty useless around here. Can't even get him to come running like he used to when I was still young. Ah, I was so naive back then. Little did I know I could make them do anything just by smiling and flashing the dimple. They're really not hard to train, it just takes time and patience... and lots of yelling. WHERE IS HE AT?! He finally comes back in with some tired look on his face. Look buddy, I don't have time for your attitude. You know how long I've been yelling? Is that anyway to treat someone as good looking as me? My throat was starting to hurt. If I knew more curse words I would use them right now.
He gets me away from "freaky fish" and puts me next to long haired girl who smells good. She has a soft pillow and is always nice to me, (unlike whatshisname). It only takes a minute for me to snuggle up and knock out again. Now THIS is what life is all about.
4:45am: there's that godamn FISH AGAIN. That was a dirty trick. Someone call my lawyer I'm suing someone for all the cookies they got. What are you looking at bear?!?
3.0 2.8 .06 ok, so this morning on the radio I heard the "blood supply is at a critical level". When is it NOT at a critical level? Have you ever heard them say, "it's okay, we have enough blood, thanks though". Just another one of those things that goes in one brain out my mouth.
I'm not a morning person. They need to move it to the afternoon and mondays to like.. wednesdays. I think it's something I'll pitch to congress next time they knock on my door. Or is that Jehovah's witnesses? I get them confused. They both follow a man I'll never be able to trust.
Most people admit to not being morning people, but when I say it, it used to mean, "do NOT WAKE BEAR or BEAR WILL KILL YOU". I love my sleep. It's that magical place where I get to play basketball and wear bunny suits to work. People would try to be cutesy (little sister) and wake me up so I won't be mad, it didn't work. She usually had a large hard object thrown at her. My mom used to wake me up on the weekends with a vacuum cleaner blaring next to my bed. If I locked the door she would bang it against the door. Little did these people know how close they were to death. Too bad it's against the law to kill ... like... persons. Then again, who would cook me breakfast at 1 in the afternoon? Waking up when your body tells you too and shifting over to get more sleep is one of the many pleasures of my life. It's also how I knew my son changed my life.
It was about 3:30am and I had woken up (again) after putting him to sleep about 45 minutes before. You know that 45 minutes that feels like 2 minutes because you JuST fell back asleep? Yeah, that 3;30am when I just wanted him to go back to sleep he was in there crying his little bald head off.
I walked in there almost breaking my toe on some toy I forgot to kick out of the way last time, and poked my head into his crib, he immediately stops crying and gives me the biggest smile he has. I wanted to be so mad and this little kid's stupid toothless grin made me laugh. THat's when being a dad hit me. No matter what he will do and how angry he tries to make me, I'll still be there poking my head into his crib. And that's when I knew he had me.
I'm not really sure what to make of this video. One part of me is bothered that this happens in our traditional sense and garb. But then again, Powwows aren't exactly old school, they're a pretty new rendition of gatherings. Then there's the evolution of dance and kids just having fun. I'm not an old fogy yet but maybe this is too far. I don't know. It seems harmless. Let them express themselves.
3.0 1.4 .06 What my son is in for.
I would LOVE for my son to be like Calvin. Unfortunately. He probably WILL be like Calvin and I'll come home to find my car in a ditch with a stuffed tiger in the drivers seat.
I've had this written since the 3rd. It's taken me over 10 days to edit and post. Man, I suck.
I have a label stuck on me. No wait.. that's not what I meant. Our society is stuck on labels. Most of the labels we use, I don't mind one bit. Hell some labels I actually like. :Apache:. They're either descriptive or indicative of a person's point of view. I like labeling people sometimes because, hey, who doesn't want to be sherlock holmes or Adrian Monk? Sometimes I feel damn proud when I can figure out what kind of person they are just be looking at their shoes or the way they style their nose hairs.
I remember a diversity training where they tried to teach us to NOT judge people by their outward appearance or what you think of that parrot on their shoulder. Who knows if they're REALLY a pirate? Let me tell you.. this will NEVER change. If I see a guy in a turban I'm going to think he's got an accent and wasn't born in this country. If I see a guy with a bloody nose I'm gonna assume it's his time of the month. It's just human nature. When I talk to him I might be proven wrong, but I think that's the point. You can THINK whatever the hell you want. I don't care if people think I'm Mexican. It doesn't bother me that people assume I speak spanish or that I get followed around electronic stores. What DOES bother me is when people don't bother to find out and continue to ACT upon their little prejudices.
Like I said, it's okay to play sherlock. It's NOT ok to realize you're NOT FUCKIN' SHERLOCK HOLMES. In fact, you couldn't pass the basic sherlock test. Too many people don't realize the way I style my nose hairs has nothing to do with my personality. There are people who I believed to be intelligent by their appearance. After talking to them for a few minutes I realize, I was wrong. That person is dumber than a xerox copy of Paris Hilton. There are people who I thought were assholes or bitches based SOLELY on their appearance. Luckily, I realized I suck at the sherlock and those people turned out to be good friends when I bothered to find out. This is probably the one part of the labels in society that really doesn't bother me too much because of the basic nature of people trying to be smart.
One of my biggest gripes is Music Genre labels. People who say things like "I don't like jazz". or, "I don't like Reggae". I'll say right now, of all the things I've heard that was labeled "Jazz", I didn't like it. Sounded like elevator music in a really crappy elevator. But I'll still give it an occasional listen and NOT discount it altogether JUST because I heard some crappy jazz songs. A good example of why this bias is bad is when Genre's split. When Shania Twain hit the air, country music people said "that's not country". Country music haters said, "I hate country music". I'm not sure where that leaves this artist. There are bands that I love that defy description, but do they HAVE to be labeled? Big Head Todd comes to mind. Better Than Ezra and even Green Day. Some people I know don't like Green Day because they "don't like Punk Music". Ask a Punk music listener and they'll say "green day isn't punk.". Well, fuck, Do you like it or not? Did you even listen to it? I guess the whole idea of being closed off to an experience because of a preconceived notion pisses me right off.
I don't like some bands and the style of music they typically represent (boy bands). But occasionally, if you bother to LISTEN you might hear something and be surprised. There's too much to listen to and miss out on just because you decided back in 1974 that every song should have a cowbell in it. I never liked bands like Primus because when I listened to it, it sounded disjointed and non-melodic. I just didn't like it. For example Fear Factory and Rammstein are considered 'industrial metal'. Nine Inch Nails was tossed into the same loop. So I never really listened to NIN. Then I heard more of it. I realized how different it was from those other bands, I stopped listening to the music labeled "industrial". I missed the fuckin boat because of that label. So I decided. Fuck Labels. I'll listen to it. If it's good music, we're cool. There turned out to be other bands I liked considered industrial. Like Static-X and Rob Zombie. I actually heard a Pearl Jam song the other day that I liked. I hate Pearl Jam. Everything I've EVER heard from them sounded like a whiny elephant singing thru a tuba. Their latest song. Kinda rocks. Pearl Jam might have made a good song.
As much as I like going off on a tangent, I'll keep this one short. You ever meet some no-talent assleak who only mentions bands nobody's heard of? Or talks about songs that were only released overseas just to make himself seem like the all:knowing superfan? The guy who didn't have a clue about that band until AFTER you did but spent an extra $40 on a cd because it was a special edition and now he's that much better than you? The same guy who mentions "Broken Sphincter" as the best band since before led zeppelin. And probably elvis even though he's the only one at their shows.. in the backyard... of his mom's house, he knows they're better than anything you've ever heard? Even if you make up a band name he's still heard of it and probably has the bootleg album because he partied with your imaginary band "one time when he was SOOO wasted"? Yeah, I hate that guy. He deserves a rhinosaucerous up the sphincter. Hmm. that would make a good band name.
IF there was a point to all this, it's have fun with your labels. But realize that they are fun. Your band probably sucks as much as mine does. And if you're gonna use a label. At least make it entertaining. Calling some band 'tone deaf' is not as cool as calling someone 'a perfect band to host the old folks bingo jamboree.'
Ronin Update: He's gotten too big for his little bath so we now have him bathing in the bathtub. He's 5 months old today and his 6-9 month clothes are getting a little small on him. We've started buying him 12mo stuff. His first bath went off without a hitch, his second bath,, well, he seemed to like it so he relaxed. He relaxed SO much that we... well, if you can't guess, he decided to "test" the plumbing in the bathtub. I've never cleaned poop out of a tub before, I get the feeling I should get used to it. The fun part was while this was happening our 6 yr old was eating ice cream while watching us and left some chocolate dripped by the tub. I was able to sufficiently gross out mom and daughter as I came back into the living room licking some brown stuff off my fingers. HAHAHAHAHAHA!.
My dad once told me I was born without any common sense. At the time I had no idea what he meant because, well, duh, I had not acquired any sense normal people are supposed to have. I'm sure he was just annoyed with me that day and I couldn't figure something out that was very simple to him. He was a carpenter, so math, logistics and angles is second nature to him. After helping him build a little one story hud house into a big 2 story 5 bedroom mansion on the rez, I realized that since I have no common sense, I'm going to have to figure things out quickly. The problem is, all the other people in the world never had a dad to tell them this, so they continue to walk thru life stepping on my goddamn toes.
For example, did you know that after a street light turns red.. it turns green again? Did you know that when you buy things, the cashier asks for money for the things? These are everyday things that you would figure most people would have figured out by now. Common sense or not. Apparently, I'm wrong. There's a good 50% of the world born without common sense. I'm guessing 99% of those people were never informed of their genetic default and manage to Gump their way through life.
These are the people who get in the slow turning lane then go straight after waiting thru 3 red lights. These are the people who complain about bad service, then take forever to order and make it so complicated they can't tell if the person got it right or not. These are the people who get tattoos from people who show up on their doorstep and say "would you like me to poke you with my dirty wire and ink?".
Lack of common sensewas not an excuse in my house and it shouldn't be one now in the real world. It just means you have to learn to pay attention. You have to use that lump of beef located behind your eyeballs.
When I was a kid it was learn or burn. I was:
Thrown into a fire after I was strapped to a calf as a 6 yr old.
Dragged by a cow when I didn't let go of the rope after the cow took off and everyone ELSE let go of the rope.
Kicked in the neck because I walked too close behind a horse.
Dropped from a running horse because I didn't tighten the cinch on the saddle good enough.
These kind of lessons are learned real quick out on the rez. Maybe we can just send everyone to "ranch camp" out in the woods. I wonder if it'll fix stupidiy. I seriously doubt it, but man, there a few people I've love to see get kicked in the neck by a quarterhorse.
2.0 1.5 .06
More stupid shit that I just don't get. Maybe in the history of evolution these things will make sense from a historical viewpoint, but in the here and now where I rule the world with my robot monkey army... this is dumb.
Seatbelts on big commuter airplanes.
I've been on airplanes with bumpy rides and that seatbelt MAY have held me in place while we jostled a bit. It could've also been that fat heavy breather sitting next to me who kept me from bouncing off the cabin walls. He also kept me from gaining an appetite and sleeping. But I'm sure even without the seatbelt. I would've been fine. The 737 isn't going to go into a roll and do some stunts. I'd be more than happy to obey the seat belt sign if we did some cool aerial acrobatics. Then again, I'm sure I'd be in the minority when I yelled "double roll!". You can always argue that if the plane had a rough landing then your seatbelt will save your life. I'm pretty sure pilots know when things are going to get rough. If your plane decides to land in say.. a mountainside, seatbelts are less important than a fire-suit and 4000 pounds of packing peanuts. There aren't any airbags installed in the seat in front of you either.
I've read that a lot of people slide under their seatbelt in a bad crash. Another reason I'm scared of them. One of the things that always made me laugh was the flight from Albuquerque to Phoenix would always involve the "seat may be used as a flotation device" speech. I have no idea what body of water could take an airplane landing between NM and AZ. Don't get me wrong, there are some big lakes, but if our plane hits one. I get the feeling we'll look like fat kid jumping headfirst into the kiddie pool. My seatbelt will only serve as a placeholder for my torso when they sift through the bodies. or we'll skip off the water like a firey rock into a beautiful rock canyon. I've also seen people ejected hundreds of feet from their cars when they don't wear their seatbelt, I wonder what kind of distance I could get from an airplane. I'll bet I could fly over a football field or two.
If you want to require a seatbelt you should add one onto the toilet seat in the bathroom. Lord knows the last thing I want is to be taking a dump and have the plane shimmy my ass up the wall. Well, it would be kinda funny for me, but the next guy that goes in is in for quite an artistic display of wall-art feces.
There was supposed to be a much larger update than this today, but we had a major system meltdown at work so my schedule was completely fucked. Hopefully monday I'll have my original complaints posted and more entertaining.
2.0 1.0 .06
There's been a political twist on my site lately. It's just the amount of shit I've been reading in the news has caused my brain to care about what our administration is doing. It's like that time those monkeys thru their poo at you and it made you wonder what's happening at the zoo. THough in this case, the monkeys are the ones in charge of the zoo and flinging poo is part of national policy.
The amount of dumbassery and the main asscrease (btw that word can be typed completely with the left hand), that's running our country into a brick wall still amazes me. And I don't mean in that good "that's amazing" way when I was a kid and some guy rode an elephant thru town. I mean... How can they possibly expect to get away with this... and then they do. It's amazing. Like how bugs bunny manages to get Yosemite sam to blow his face off. Except, we're Sam. It's really not that funny. Check these out.
link # 1 - A judge had to turn down some guys attempt to declare bankruptcy because the new law has rules that are almost impossible to understand and even more retarded than the bus to the special olympics. The judge had to rule against the man based on the new laws. . "He stopped just short of accusing Congress of being bought and paid for, dryly noting, "Apparently, it is not the individual consumers of this country that make the donations to the members of Congress that allow them to be elected and re-elected and re-elected and re-elected."
The judge who has worked in Bankrupcy for years and years also said. "Can any rational human being make a cogent argument that this makes any sense at all?".
Though this is the 'well,.. duh' part of the article. - "Congress passed the new law in April on largely partisan lines." Do you really have to ask WHICH SIDE passed this? There is nothing.. I repeat, NOTHING about the new laws that help the average american consumer in any way. If you were barely making your minumin credit card payment before, then you may as well bend over and carry your own lubricant. Now you can't even declare bankrupcty to save your own house/car sanity. Thanks congress. You really really care... about yourselves.
Link # 2 - Bush buried detailed Social Security privatization proposals in his budget.
"in typical Washington fashion when he asked Congress "to join me in creating a commission to examine the full impact of baby-boom retirements on Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid," adding that the commission would be bipartisan "and offer bipartisan solutions."
But anyone who thought that Bush would wait for bipartisanship to deal with Social Security was wrong. Instead, he stuck his own privatization proposals into his proposed budget."
I'm not sure how many people out there actually did a little research on the privatization of social security, but to make it simple. It matters NOT how much money is saved at the federal or personal level. The retirees now are NOT being paid from a large saved account from 10 years ago. The money is paid from the current workers. As long as there is job growth and people currently working, then social security will be fine. Giving people money to save and taking the money OUT of circulation will really cause the true damage. Don't believe me? Good... go as your economics teacher. Look it up.
Link # 3 EX-Fema head set to testify against Bush in Katrina debacle....... unless.
"unless the White House forbids it and offers legal support.... White House is refusing to answer questions or release documents about advice given to Bush concerning the August 29th storm. "
Hmm.. withholding information there Dubya? Why.. whatever for?
Two weeks ago, Bush defended his administration's stance on withholding some information, saying that providing all the material would chill the ability of presidential advisers to speak freely "
There's something about that sentence that confuses me. Let me take out the big words. Bush defended stance on withholding info because, all material would 'chill' advisors to speak FREELY!?!?! I think my head exploded.
Basically Brownie is willing to talk because he screwed up so bad not even Bush wants to help you out. He's willing to talk.. but really... he's trying to get paid instead. Way to hire someone with integrity there. I want the guy who handles major emergencies for our country to have a price tag. It's not like he had to deal with people's lives or anything.
Link # 4 - The stupid cartoon causing controversy causes cockbag's crazy catchphrase. Bush in an attempt to show his displeasure with the violence caused by that cartoon of mohammed says this. And it makes me think of that word.. irony.
"I first want to make it very clear to people around the world that ours is a nation that believes in tolerance and understanding," the president said. "In America, we welcome people of all faiths.
"One of the great attributes of our country is that you're free to worship however you choose in the United States of America."
Unless of course you're gay, anti-american, defeatist, eco-loving or an athiest. THen you have to learn to love jesus and accept jesus as your personal savior and have him taught in your schools instead of science. Other than that.. we're accepting. Better yet.. we MIGHT put up with it. Unless you died in Iraq.. then you're probably gay and will be protested.
Link # 5 I really don't think I have to say anything about these next few paragraphs. Let me say again... amazed.
Scooter) Libby, testified to a federal grand jury that he had been "authorized" by Cheney and other White House "superiors" in the summer of 2003 to disclose classified information to journalists to defend the Bush administration's use of prewar intelligence in making the case to go to war with Iraq
Wilson had been sent on a CIA-sponsored mission to investigate allegations that the African nation of Niger had sold uranium to Iraq to develop a nuclear weapon. Despite the fact that Wilson reported back that the information was most likely baseless, it was still used in the President's 2003 State of the Union speech to make the case for war
Is it possible that a prosecution of Libby might be impeded or even derailed entirely by the refusal of the Bush White House or its Justice Department to declassify information that might be necessary to try Libby?
This SHOULD have been enough after the first election: Unfortunately for the other 49% of America. It wasn't.
First, it significantly adds to a mounting body of information that Cheney played a central and personal role in directing efforts to counter claims by Wilson and other administration critics that the Bush administration had misused intelligence information to go to war with Iraq.
2.0 0.1 .06
I should watch kieth olbermann more often. He's my new hero. Most times when I'm at the gym Bill O'reilly is on. I hate that bastard. If I ever met O'reilly I'd kick him in the crotchwagon. Then again, I'm sure there's a long line of people I'd have to get behind.
I had a random though the other day. I should start my own religion. Just get a bunch of people to believe that they'll go to heaven if they follow my three rul...err.. commandments. The only one I've come up with is 1. Don't be a dick (this is to include all driving/walking rules that rule would adhere to.) I'll have to work on the other 2 some other time. It's hard work being jesus.. or moses.. or a virgin.. I don't know, I get confused with all those red letters.
It shouldn't work but hell, people believe in scientology and jesus, so anything is possible. Maybe I can start small and join the guys trying to make the day after superbowl sunday a holiday. That's one I can get behind. Then again, I'd ask to ban all sorts of things that people purchase as well. Things that I just don't understand. Like Alchohol-free beer or low-fat cottage cheese. Someone explain why we still have car alarms and caffiene-free mountain dew. I believe Mountain Dew ceases to be 'Dew' when you the caffiene of out it. Well, maybe in another life I'll be born with some understanding and less sarcasm. This site would be a lot more boring but less hated. Hmmm.. on second thought, I'd rather be hated than boring.
Speaking of not understanding.
President Bush's State of the Union Address was on the other night. I managed to get a copy (thank you internet) so I could peruse at my leisure. As I read it I was trying to get Mr Assleak's voice into my brain and a weird thing happened. I started pausing and staring off into space as I hit comma's and periods. It was taking me forever to get thru a paragraph. I thought I was distracted or possibly alien abducticated.. then I realized... this is how HE talks. It was the ONLY way I could make any sense of it. I think I lost a few IQ points, so if you happen to see them at your desk, please give them back next time I'm there. Thanks.
Some highlights.
In a system of two parties, two chambers, and two elected branches, there will always be differences and debate. But even tough debates can be conducted in a civil tone, and our differences cannot be allowed to harden into anger. To confront the great issues before us, we must act in a spirit of good will and respect for one another - and I will do my part.
Man that sounds good on paper. Could you PLEASE tell those inbred fucks who protest at FUNERALS this? I'll try to let the crazy left wing liberals know this shit isn't helping. Thanks. Sorry... was that anger?
In this decisive year, you and I will make choices that determine both the future and the character of our country. We will choose to act confidently in pursuing the enemies of freedom - or retreat from our duties in the hope of an easier life.
This is a dirty debate trick. "my way is smart and strong and your way is weak and wussy.. because I say it is". I'm not sure who the enemy is anymore. I thought it was Bin Laden and those terrorists. They weren't even IN Iraq. How many times does someone have to point this out? I have no idea who these "enemies of freedom" are. Could we get a list and maybe some reasons? Or are you just expecting us to believe you and your administration this time? The "you and I" part really kinda cracked me up as well.
more than half the people of our world live in democratic nations. And we do not forget the other half - in places like Syria, Burma, Zimbabwe, North Korea, and Iran - because the demands of justice, and the peace of this world, require their freedom as well.
Yeah but, we really didn't go there FIRST did we? You kinda left out Africa and those poor bastards who are being killed in the thousands on a daily basis. You did happen to sneak Iran in there though. I wonder if THEY have oil as well? Could be a coincidence? Maybe?
As we make progress on the ground, and Iraqi forces increasingly take the lead, we should be able to further decrease our troop levels - but those decisions will be made by our military commanders, not by politicians in Washington, D.C.
Can you tell me again how we GOT there? Was it our military that sent themselves in? I forget about that whole WMD thing that eems to be glaringly missing in this speech.
Along the way, we have benefited from responsible criticism and counsel offered by Members of Congress of both parties. In the coming year, I will continue to reach out and seek your good advice.
Yet there is a difference between responsible criticism that aims for success, and defeatism that refuses to acknowledge anything but failure. Hindsight alone is not wisdom. And second-guessing is not a strategy.
If you haven't been paying attention. Anyone who disagrees is 'defeatism' and I truly, truly hope that when a decision is made to send over 2,450 soldiers to die that someone sat back and 'second guessed'. Holy shit I hope someone over there said... 'ya know, this might be a bad idea'. I'm sure that guy is now labeled as anti-american, defeatist, second-guessing whiny crazy liberal who now has the government job selling tacos every other tuesday outside the pentagon. damn second-guesser. I like the call them, other things. Like.. Rational.
Raising up a democracy requires the rule of law, protection of minorities, and strong, accountable institutions that last longer than a single vote.
Hahahahahahahahahaa.... whew.. wait.. hahahahahhahahahahahahahhaa. Man.. hahah.. I wish..hahahah.. we had that in OUR country.. I can't breathe. My stomach hurts.
so I ask you to reauthorize the Patriot Act.
It is said that prior to the attacks of September 11th, our government failed to connect the dots of the conspiracy. We now know that two of the hijackers in the United States placed telephone calls to al-Qaida operatives overseas. But we did not know about their plans until it was too late. So to prevent another attack - based on authority given to me by the Constitution and by statute - I have authorized a terrorist surveillance program to aggressively pursue the international communications of suspected al-Qaida operatives and affiliates to and from America. Previous presidents have used the same constitutional authority I have - and Federal courts have approved the use of that authority.
so.. err.. if other presidents have the authority and you have the statute.. why do we need to re-authorize the Patriot Act? I don't see where circumventing my rights has to do with a terrorist organization outsmarting us? This "terrorist surveillance program" is also very vague. Do you know who the terrorists are? Or are you just guessing? These are the people being held without trial, warrants or legal rights because you THINK they MIGHT be terrorists? Hmm. .... "first they came for the socialists.... "
America has created 4.6 million new jobs - more than Japan and the European Union combined. Even in the face of higher energy prices and natural disasters, the American people have turned in an economic performance that is the envy of the world.
Do I really have to link the millions of people laid off and outsourced? Do I REALLY have mention the plants closing across america and the slow sales of big ticket items? Do I REALLY REALLY have to do that? Or are you buying this?
This year my budget will cut it again, and reduce or eliminate more than 140 programs that are performing poorly or not fulfilling essential priorities.
Education. Healthcare. Social Security. You know, those stupid useless ones poor people use.
Our government has a responsibility to help provide health care for the poor and the elderly, and we are meeting that responsibility.
He made another funny. Somebody find me a retired person on medicaid and show them this sentence.
This is about half his speech. He goes on more to talk about our addiction to oil and clean energy initiatives. I'll believe it all when I see it. I just think it's more smoke for my ass. Thank you mr President, but no thanks. If I had any more smoke blown up me I'd have to register my head as a smokestack.
0.1 2.6 .06
I just got an e-mail from Bux about some stupid shit he did as a kid without a helmet. I can't believe I left it out: Bottlerocket fights, Tag with motorcycles, watertower jumps (more than a mere 10 feet), the popular 'stretch' game with a knife and races DOWN Dulce rock. He told me him and his cousins once attempted (many) times to hop from one horse to another while galloping. He's a rancher and I grew up a rancher. I completely forgot about "Putting 6-8 year old kids on 2 or 3 year old colts with a bareback riggin and them just hold the horse with a rope and halter. Telling us to hold on. Or using the kids as a gate when trying to load spooked animals." Man if there was a child services officer around back then, all our parents/uncles and cousins would be jail right now.
Anyway, on to my current brain tumor..
I wish there were more varieties of skin color. Right now it's pretty much just brown. Sure you can say white, but have you ever held up a piece of paper to someone? They're not really that white. Beige at the most. We're basically versions of coffee from a diner. From "black" coffee to "lotsa cream lotsa sugar." What this world needs is more colors. I'm talkin turqouise and green and magenta. Even some of those made up colors like 'taupe" or "apricot".
That's not the end of it either. I don't want all these colors to mesh and make another new color, I want them to stay seperate as stripes, dots and basic designs on the human skin. Let's say italians are purple and mexicans are green. That person would have green and purple stripes that make them look like a zebra on acid. You might think they look alien-like, but imagine how many people would be COMPLETELY one color? How many TRUE bloods are still left in the world? I think most white supremist (kkk) fuckers would have a little brown stripe around their eye like that dog from the little rascals. That group membership would fall out so fast there wouldn't be enough people to have a kkk 2-on-2 tournament.
You're probably all worried that this would cause more seperation and racism but I think being able to wear all these colors on the outside would really change perceptions. What if you didn't know who your parents were but you have distinct colors or designs? What would change the way our society percieves "beauty"? Would it be that one color person with perfect features? Or would it be the multi-colored person with cool tattoo like art? We'd all have an entirely different aspect of humanity and people who are different 'colors' would be even more varied and diverse. With the amount of mixed blood people in the world today, this change could probably end a lot of strife. I could be wrong. But then, I thought those blue colored designs on the people from 'atlantis' were cool as shit. I think it would be cool to have several color showing off my apache/hispanic and even a little (gasp) german side.
I wonder what sorts of jokes would come from all this? I'll finish now. and leave you with a joke.
"Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer says, " I clocked you at 80 mph. sir."
The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."
Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"
The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."
The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your set belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."
The wife says," Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"
The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
"Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."
0.1 1.2 .06
Raising a kid these days is strange. The theories used by doctors and the safety 'gurus' have changed and continue to change. From seat belts to helmets to mozart to baby formula. There was Dr. Spock and some other yahoos dispensing advise when I was a kid. Now we have Nanny 911 to come and fix our kids. I think Archie Bunker, Bill Cosby and Al Bundy pretty much had it all right when parenting was concerned. Don't get me wrong, I think parental advice is fine, but there comes a point where parents just want to blame everything BUT themselves for their naughty kid. So they call in experts because they "have no idea what to do". These are the people who end up on Jerry Springer and you wonder why there isn't an exam to be allowed to breed. I fully support a test of some sort because there are some people who's genetic seed would be better served on the wall of a motel room.
First I think there's a lot of scare tactics being used by big corporations to get people to buy into the whole helmet/armor thing. If your kid is going more than 25mph down a busy street, they should wear a helmet. Hell, they should have on a goddamn football uniform. I didn't wear anything considered 'safe' when I was a kid, but I didn't ride a bike on ANY busy streets and if there was a car coming my parents taught me the basic law of "if it's a car, you will lose the collision" rule. City traffic is different because of all the distractions that exist with that kind of population. However, If your kid is going 2mph in a cul-de-sac and wearing a helmet. That kid is a goon. If you think back to your days of riding bikes and tearing thru gravel parking lots coming out with half the skin on your forearm missing and you still have to walk home because you broke the handlebars off. again. And you see some little goober peddling thru their parking lot with a piece of foam on their head, you just want to point and laugh. The only ones who wore helmets when I was a kid weren't equipped with the mental capacity to figure out they should crash on hands and NOT on watermelon-sized head. As a side note, why don't they make better looking helmets? Why do they all have that retarded almond shape? Why can't you just wear a basic bmx helmet? They seem to be even safer and the kid won't look like a willy wonka reject riding their strawberry shortcake bike thru the neighborhood.
There are a lot of stories about some kid who cracked his head on the pavement because his friend was pulling him on rollerblades with his jeep. They say things like "if he was wearing a helmet he would have survived". No, if he wasn't a moron and figured going that fast on blades could kill him, them he would have lived. Some people HAVE to be taken out via darwinism. I wanted to jump off the roof of my house (10ft tops) many, many times, but there was something in the back of my brain that reminded me that the cape is really only for show and I'm only 4 feet tall. There are dangerous repercussions to be had if I decide to jump. It wasn't TV that made me want to jump. It wasn't something I saw in a video game, it was just an idea I had one day. I didn't jump because I'm not a moron. I didn't tie my bike to the back of a jeep and have someone pull me because I've got an IQ higher than 4. I survived all these years by being smarter than the mountain I climbed. There were a few times I should've NOT jumped across those rocks. There are even more times when I came home bloody and bruised because "really, it didn't look that far". What did my parents do? They shook their heads and said "go wash it off". They knew I was being a dumbass, and they knew I paid for it. So other than costing them another 24 cents for those bandaids, they weren't too concerned.
Not today's parents. Oh noooo. A cough requires a trip to the emergency room and scrapes to the knees will get a call from Child services. I remember riding in the back of a truck. I learned if you take a hard turn your ass better be in the bed or the truck will run you over when you fell out. (again, the truck will win theory). I can only think of one person in my entire family ever getting hurt from sitting in the back of a truck and he will readily admit that he was being an idiot. Can you cart kids around in the city? No, because some brain surgeon on his cell phone will run into the back of the truck and kids will all go flying like little projectile pokemon ads. Still, your kid has to learn the car will kill you rule and learn it quick. Most kids today know the "must stop for pedestrian" legal precedent and assume that bit of legalese will stop the dump truck from smashing them into a million little ipod pieces.
Wearing your seatbelt also used to be optional. The only reason I didn't wear my seatbelt as a kid was because it hampered my sleeping in the back window. I'm sure if there was a seatbelt back there I would've considered wearing it. If your kid doesn't think it's dangerous to ride around your car without their seatbelt, I suggest you slam the brakes at the first stop sign you see. If there are no broken bones that kid will probably be sure to put on the belt next time. My point is there's so many companies trying to say 'oh my god you'll die if you don't use our product!". It's not true. It might help you live longer, IF the opportunity ever arises. I've never had a seatbelt save my life. I've been in multiple rolled car accidents. most people will say "you've just been lucky". Maybe, but why aren't you OH MY GOD scared like you should be?
Well, because there are no guarantees in life. Seatbelt or not, you still might die. Helmet or not, you could still get hurt. It all comes down to basic common sense. Stop using statistics to scare me. If you wear a helmet because you truly believe it'll save your life when you ride off that cliff? Then you need to rethink your protection possibilities. Sometimes kids need something just to make them feel 'safe'. I needed something that made me feel free and dangerous. Where's the fun if there's NO chance you'll get hurt? Maybe it's just me. Maybe we're scaring our kids into pansies. Maybe I just don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
If there's a point to all this, you'll have to read between the lines. I don't like being experts telling me what's best for my kids. I hate the attempts to scare me into doing something a certain (costly) way. With all the advancements in technology and how afraid our society should be, it's amazing any of us survived our youth. Parents need to take more responsibility so their kids will learn to take more responsibility. I'm so irritated with people forgetting how they grew up and believing the corporate shills who are profiting on the conformists of a sheep like society.
0.1 1.0 .06
Alright, there has been a sorry lack of updates to this site. Where is all the anger and strife? What the hell is strife anyway? Snapmouse does has to inform you all that he was sick as a duck last week. Everything that went in, came back out 20 minutes later. The first time you puke, it's what you just had for dinner. The second time? Lunch from that afternoon (don't ask for a detailed description on this one). The 3rd thru 5th times? Well, it's not that I would use the word 'colorful' as I would 'painful'. Anyone who's broken the beer-liqour-varnish rule on a hard night of drinkin has had first hand experience.
Basically being human kinda sucks. There's all sorts of random diseases that can kill you. Shit that you can catch from just walking down the street or sitting on your lazy ass. Whether you're really smart or in really good shape, you can still die from the same silly thing. Then we hurl ourselves at each other at 75mph every day on freeways. Whoever said humans are the smartest creatures on the planet obviously hasn't used a freeway on-ramp for a while. You don't see sharks getting into car accidents. Giraffes don't have to get tetanus shots. When was the last time a hippo got repetitive stress syndrome? Humans are fragile stupid creatures. What other animal on earth considers 'not eating' a disease? There's no other creature that eats it's food then
I never liked bands like Primus because when I listened to it, it sounded disjointed and non-melodic. I just didn't like it. For example Fear Factory and Rammstein are considered 'industrial metal'. Nine Inch Nails was tossed into the same loop. So I never really listened to NIN. Then I heard more of it. I realized how different it was from those other bands, I stopped listening to the music labeled "industrial". I missed the fuckin boat because of that label. So I decided. Fuck Labels. I'll listen to it. If it's good music, we're cool. There turned out to be other bands I liked considered industrial. Like Static-X and Rob Zombie. I actually heard a Pearl Jam song the other day that I liked. I hate Pearl Jam. Everything I've EVER heard from them sounded like a whiny elephant singing thru a tuba. Their latest song. Kinda rocks. Pearl Jam might have made a good song. 