Tedious Life of an Urban Apache

Camping trip…no.. cabining.. no.. trailering trip

Camping trip…no.. cabining.. no.. trailering trip

We went out and took a weekend trip all the way down to West Plains, MO. If you have no idea where that is, it’s okay. Apparently there’s still a few places in the country without a network connection to the rest of the world. No bars, no wifi, no brown people and lots of bugs.

Normally, this is where I complain about being outdoors and staring at trees and rocks. This time, I have to admit, it wasn’t terrible.

The kids had fun in a safe environment. They were able to explore a bit on their own and had some freedom to be out of sight for extended periods. We knew they weren’t going anywhere. We knew they were safe in the river as it wasn’t very deep or fast.

river rats
river rats

Most people who know me, think that I’m not a fan of nature in general. This isn’t true. Not in the least. I love the outdoors, I love being able to do things outdoors. One of my mottos is ‘get me between the white lines or on some hardwood and I’m happy.’ The problem with camping, boating and floating etc, is the lack of stimulation.

I can only sit and stare at trees, rocks, water or a fishing pole, before I realize that nothing is happening. My brain starts screaming like Johnny Five. NEED INPUT STEPHANIE!

Some people are really good at shutting out the noise and quieting their mind for extended periods. It seems, I’m not one of them. I’m also jealous of the people with that capacity.

Once I figured out the kids were going to be safe and I didn’t have to setup a tent, carry things, chop wood, create a fire, or the myriad of other shit that goes along with camping, I realized this trip was going to be an easy one.

I even managed to create a little stimulation for the kids by hanging a bandanna on a branch across the river and trying to hit it with rocks. Then getting the girls to create a small rock enclosure for water kept them occupied. G_7339
Then I sat my fat ass on a tube and let the sun ultra-violet the melanin in my skin for a bit. … (long way to say ‘got tan’)

Other than the shitty condition of the trailer (I’ve lived in worse) and the sheer not give a fuckery of the owners, we enjoyed ourselves just fine. (sidenote: never stay at twin bridges canoe campsite. The nicest guys there were the ones that didn’t speak good english and it seems like the owners treated these good employees like shit.)

I even taught my daughter and niece how to play poker and blackjack (they liked blackjack better). And even managed to sit around and do nothing for extended periods of time. That’s rare for a vacation involving children.


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